Facing Facts
 

I recently came across the Facebook page of Sherrie Campbell, PhD. She posts an inspiring message every day, and every single one has seemed to be directed at just what I am feeling. Today's was so relevant, and I think it will also speak to many of us here:

"It is hard to know exactly when we have to face facts and stop taking spears. It is amazing how long we will endure taking pain in lieu of facing the facts of our situation. We do this in the hope of being able to work something out, but it is also a form of denial. The reality, or the facts, of a deeply embedded pattern don't change. We have to find the balance between learning the facts, accepting them, and finding out over time if they are changeable. When they are not changeable we will start to feel the pain of our situation outweighs our happiness. This is when we have to face the facts. Facing facts is painful. It is hard. It hurts. It hurts because we hoped so deeply the facts could change. When we finally face the facts, however, there is a certain relief. We were not missing the facts all along, we just wished they could have been different and so pretended they weren't all that factual. When the facts cannot change we have to be willing to let go and start again. Changing patterns is really hard, and many start the change but do not have the will or courage to deeply look at the facts enough to follow through with anything more than cosmetic changes. Under stress they go right back to the dysfunctional pattern and do not grow. Do not be this person. Have the courage to accept the facts and the pain that comes along with that acceptance. Step strongly into a future where you will not be taking on relentless spears of pain."

That definitely speaks to me. A few months ago, all the facts in my situation (a HUGE amount of sh!t) hit an enormous fan and could no longer be seen as anything but what they were. The fallout has been painful and difficult, but freeing at the same time.

nowin, thank you for this. It's very pertinent for me right now too. I KNOW, and have known, for a long time, what the facts are, even if I didn't have any details. I still struggle w/a deep sense of unreality, w/pain that is generated b/c, as you posted, "It hurts because we hoped so deeply the facts could change. " I still can't quite believe I am where I am. Some part of me, deep inside, just keeps crying out, "but it CAN'T be! It just CAN'T!"

But it is.

And so this has to be my course: "Have the courage to accept the facts and the pain that comes along with that acceptance. Step strongly into a future where you will not be taking on relentless spears of pain."

I will be adding Dr. Campbell to my recovery reading list. Again, thank you for this timely post.

Thank you Now.

LOL, I read her name as "Now in Situation" for a long time before I realized it's "No Win Situation." :-)

Great share, thanks!

Me too--It's alarming what I think some people's names are before I take a closer look! It's kind of like when people misunderstand song lyrics....

I like that it can be either way.... At first it was No Win.... But maybe it is Now In... as in Now In a GOOD situation... :)

Yes!!! ^^^^

This is an awesome thread!!!!! Thank you for posting. Yes-I too agree that what kept me stuck for years was hoping the facts could change-or my flat out denial of the facts and reality as it was in my face everyday. Very valuable information in this thread for all of us!!

I'm going through this right now, Facing Facts.

It's hurtful,scary,depressing but freeing at the same time because it enables me to move forward on a course of action for me.

It is so much easier to live in a fog than confront my rationalization and denial. The latter option involves actions and making changes. But when I avoid doing it I will eventually arrive at a new bottom. Too often it's pain that motivates me to change.

NYC-thank you for your words. Well spoken and accurate.

Thank you for posting that, Now Win :)
I really needed to read that today. I've been feeling so down, so depressed, so tempted to go running back and say let's try again. But then last night I reread much of my journal, chronicling years and years of a horrible cycle, and the fact that nothing changes unless I change it became so very clear. It's still so hard to do, so thank you for sharing.

Thank you so much for this post. It is just what I needed to read. That part about it hurts because we hoped so deeply things would change is what resonated with me. For some crazy reason, I kept hanging on to the fact that maybe my AH would get the help he needed and move back in and we'd all live a happy life. I have recently come to the stark realization that that is not going to happen and the only thing I can control is me and get the healing and recovery I need. Letting go of that "hope" is not easy, but it is liberating in a way. I am really looking forward to being on the other side of this.

Great post. Thanks.

So close to home for me...thank you for that!