Olivialuca

Hi Everyone - My bf and I have been together for almost 2 years. We moved in together 4 months ago and things went very dark very fast. He has been taking adderall for almost 4 years. I was not with him when he began taking the medication but he was very upfront with it and explained it was for his severe ADHD. I understood and honestly was not to knowledge about the drug.

Long story short...he thinks people are following him. He believes there is a conspiracy against him and there is an unknown organization that is out to get him because for the adderall intake. He has recently accused me of trying to poison his coffee/his food. Move things around the apt to make him feel crazy. He has accused me of cheating (when I have never given him a reason to doubt my loyalty to him) He thinks I have called his job to sabotage it etc. I could give you stories upon stories. He has an extreme case of paranoia. He says "people" tell him that I have cheated and he has even accused me of doing Cocaine (I have never done street or RX drug in my life) I kept this all very hidden from family and friends hoping that we would get help. I confronted him many times and gave him ultimatums if he didn't get help. He would make empty promises about getting help and never followed thru. He is in complete denial of his addiction and says I will never understand bc I have never struggled with ADHD and feeling less than.

Last week, for thanksgiving we traveled to my dads house (which is about 4 hrs away). Ive always been scared that we would have a "paranoid episode" with friends or family but up until then i had gotten lucky. On Sunday night he accused me and my dad of recording him to try and incriminate him for some reason. It got ugly very fast because my dad realized something was very wrong and intervened. My dad noticed my bf rummaging thru my cell phone almost like searching for something. At first my dad thought he was just a very jealous controlling bf but soon I had to be honest with what was really going on.

I have no left him. My dad made him pack his things and in less than one day he was out of the apt we shared. I now live with my dad 4 hrs away. I have left everything i know job,home,friends etc. I am completely devastated and heart broken. I love this man with all my heart and we have a lot of history since we were kids.
He is a genuinely good, sweet, caring man. However, he turns when he is coming down from adderall.

I have told him that we will never be together again unless his words turn into action. Unless he gets help and completely recovers I can't go back to him.

If anyone has a similar situation please help...I am at a loss for words and simply taking everything one step at a time.

Thank you!

LexieCat

Has he had a mental health evaluation? Schizophrenia and other mental health disorders often manifest for the first time in early adulthood. IOW, it might or might not have much to do with the Adderall.

ladyscribbler

My first thought was schizophrenia as well. My mom suffers from untreated paranoid schizophrenia and a lot of those delusions- poisoned food, the massive worldwide conspiracy, unfounded accusations about drug use and sexual activity- sound really familiar. The adderall might be exacerbating the symptoms. My mom has been on antidepressants in the past to quit smoking that put her into an almost manic state and really ratcheted up the psychosis, but it's always there no matter what.
Bottom line, there is NOTHING you can do to help this man, but he can drag you to h3//. Living with that kind of paranoia and rage is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. I grew up with it and it is horrifying to be child in that environment. It's exhausting to constantly walk on eggshells and defend yourself against someone else's imaginary demons. There is literally no way to win. You will never convince the person that they need help, and you will never be able to prove your "innocence" or "loyalty" or whatever. Every day will be a new set of crazy accusations and delusions. You will wear out your mind, body and spirit defending yourself, trying to help and still not accomplish anything.
May I suggest an Alanon meeting? There is a reason that you stayed and tried to make it work, even after it would have been obvious to most people that it was time to leave. I'm not criticizing you. I have done the same thing many times, focused on trying to fix someone else's obvious dysfunction instead of dealing with my own stuff. Not because of love or loyalty, though that was what I told myself at the time. I had things that I needed to fix that had nothing to do with the relationships I was in, and Alanon meetings and individual therapy are helping me with that.

Ap052183

I agree with the others...Adderall is definitely an addictive, behavior changing drug but this sounds like mental illness. He needs a psych assessment but it's not your job to do that. It may not hurt to ask him if he wants to see a professional but I'm guessing his paranoia will hinder that.

Olivialuca

Thank you all so much for your responses! To my knowledge he has never had a Mental Health Eval. He has a Psychiatrist that is prescribing the adderall however I know he is not telling the Dr what is really going on.

I too thought it could something more than just adderall addiction. Its just so hard to see someone you love in complete denial and throughing there life,love and career out the window.

LexieCat

You might let his psychiatrist know about his bouts of paranoia. Although the doctor can't disclose anything to you, there's nothing unethical about your communicating your concerns. It may not do any good but I don't see how it could do any harm.

ShootingStar1

You've gotten some good advice here about your boyfriend.

I think, however, that YOU are the most important issue in your life. While it may not seem like it, your dad really has your back and what he has done is important to your emotional and physical safety and health.

Whether it be addiction or mental illness, what we learn here on this site is:

We didn't cause it;
We can't control it; and
We can't cure it.

ShootingStar1

Yoga

Possibly Schizophrenia. Maybe Google the symptoms.

Olivialuca

Thank you shooting star.

I have come to the realization that I can no longer help him...i wish I could.
The hardest part is accepting the truth and knowing you can't change it even though its so painful.

Thank you all again!!!