THippy

AH is off work this whole week. It's been going well. This morning was great.
As we're discussing tomorrow's Thanksgiving plans, he asks if we're going to get wine for the meal. I said I wouldn't be wanting any.
He said, "so that means none of us can have any?"
I said, "It's not really in our budget to provide wine for everyone. You can get some for yourself if you want."
Calm. Cool. All is well.
Then we go to the liquor store and he buys double his usual amount of booze. He must have had money leftover from his recent trips.
I know I'm not supposed to say anything. I can't control it. I know. And it will just make things ugly if I say a word.
I know!
But it's so hard! And I can't help feeling grumpy now.
Ugh.

AnvilheadII

what a dick. i'm sorry....that was a deliberate "i'll show you" move on his part. Nothing like the Holidays to bring out their inner jerk.

LexieCat

Was there a reason "we" needed to go to the liquor store? If you didn't want to serve wine (which I totally get), why go with him on his mission?

What he does is up to him, but you don't have to have any part of it.

THippy

We were out together doing errands. Buying last minute meal stuff. The liquor store is across the street from the grocery store. It would have felt silly and impractical to say, "Tale me home first."
Lol

THippy

I know, right?
We've been cruising along for about a year or so with him drinking roughly the same amount of booze. Now, all the sudden, he doubles down. He didn't even buy wine!!!
It's like he knows that I'm trying to let go of the control that really never belonged to me in the first place. So he's going all out. Just to test me.
Grant me the serenity .....

LexieCat

I think I'd have waited in the car. "Go ahead, I don't care to go in."

ETA: Not that it's a big deal, and you know he would have done it regardless. I just like the idea of removing myself ENTIRELY from the boozeosphere.

THippy

I did wait in the car. And I didn't even strain to see what he bought as he walked toward the car. (1 point for me!). I didn't see what he bought till we got home and started unloading and putting things away. Grr!

dandylion

Hippy, I think that it is good that you didn't make a big deal.......good detachment.

Remembering that Detachment is for YOU. To keep you from needless arguments and conflict.....stupid stuff that is not going to help anything, anyway.
It buys you some space and some peace. It stops the constant power struggle.
It won't stop an alcoholic from drinking.....He/she will do what they are going to do.
Je will decide to get sober when ever he decides that he wants to. He knows you don't want him to drink.....but, his disease is talking to him...whispering in his ear 24/7.
He is not drinking to hurt you...or to be a jerk (even if he is).....he is drinking because he is an alcoholic. It is not personal. He is not drinking AT you.

The alcoholic sees alcohol as the answer. The l oved one see alcohol as the problem.
Two completely different planets.

dandylion

LexieCat

Good going! Sorry I misunderstood.

Yup, that's about all you can do. What an idiot. You'd think he'd at least have picked up a couple bottles of wine for "camouflage."

THippy

I suppose that would have cut into his money for vodka and high alc. Beer.
Oy! I have to laugh or I'll make myself crazy.

FeelingGreat

T, how will it affect your meal? Is he likely to get drunk and spoil it? Or embarrass you in front of family?

THippy

No, he'll get drunk and make stupid jokes and probably wander off to bed early. It's usually me getting upset over his drinking that causes tension.

LexieCat

Good point. I was often WAY more mortified by the alcoholic's behavior than anyone else was.