UPDATE: Having children after an alcoholic marriage
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I'm sorry if I misunderstood how you're feeling. I guess I was thinking about how painful all those things would be to me. The death of my mother was pretty hard on me and took a long time to get over. (Still not over it, really.) I admire your strength and wish you the best of luck with your plans!
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Fair enough. You DID ask for advice today, and I think we tried to give you some various perspectives to think about. Ultimately, this is a decision that's so personal no one else can really weigh everything pertinent as well as you can.
Good luck!
Good luck!
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Originally Posted by jjj111 
I'm sorry if I misunderstood how you're feeling. I guess I was thinking about how painful all those things would be to me. The death of my mother was pretty hard on me and took a long time to get over. (Still not over it, really.) I admire your strength and wish you the best of luck with your plans!
Thanks for sharing your story it was helpful!
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Aeryn-
My post was certainly not to shame you about your choices, or more importantly about how you are feeling.
It sounds like you are having responses to a tough situation and you're feeling all of those emotions that you need to go through. I think for me I was reading a different tone from normal for you. It certainly makes sense why. I agree on the internet we cannot infer all the pieces playing into it.
I think I just want to say what an honor it is to witness your journey.
My post was certainly not to shame you about your choices, or more importantly about how you are feeling.
It sounds like you are having responses to a tough situation and you're feeling all of those emotions that you need to go through. I think for me I was reading a different tone from normal for you. It certainly makes sense why. I agree on the internet we cannot infer all the pieces playing into it.
I think I just want to say what an honor it is to witness your journey.
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Well I thought I'd share some good news....to those who said the answer will come it came! There are actually TWO (not one as I thought) embryos...one strong female and one weaker male. The doctor said if I use a surrogate and implant BOTH I have an 87% chance! That I can work with.
If that doesn't work plan B will be the donor which will give me a 90% chance.
The only bad news is if I want a house I'll need to buy that first (and I'm planning to do that)...so it will be a while but this baby looks like it WILL be happening....good things come when you relinquish control I guess.
(please no advice! Just thought I'd update in case anyone was curious!)
If that doesn't work plan B will be the donor which will give me a 90% chance.
The only bad news is if I want a house I'll need to buy that first (and I'm planning to do that)...so it will be a while but this baby looks like it WILL be happening....good things come when you relinquish control I guess.
(please no advice! Just thought I'd update in case anyone was curious!)
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Originally Posted by Aeryn
Well I thought I'd share some good news....to those who said the answer will come it came! There are actually TWO (not one as I thought) embryos...one strong female and one weaker male. The doctor said if I use a surrogate and implant BOTH I have an 87% chance! That I can work with.
If that doesn't work plan B will be the donor which will give me a 90% chance.
The only bad news is if I want a house I'll need to buy that first (and I'm planning to do that)...so it will be a while but this baby looks like it WILL be happening....good things come when you relinquish control I guess.
(please no advice! Just thought I'd update in case anyone was curious!)
If that doesn't work plan B will be the donor which will give me a 90% chance.
The only bad news is if I want a house I'll need to buy that first (and I'm planning to do that)...so it will be a while but this baby looks like it WILL be happening....good things come when you relinquish control I guess.
(please no advice! Just thought I'd update in case anyone was curious!)
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I haven't been here in forever and I'm not sure if anyone I know still posts here but just in case I thought I'd update: my new house is in escrow and I have a surrogate that's going to carry my baby girl - we will be implanting the embryo in February 2017. So all the struggles were worth it and my goals are finally taking shape! I'm so glad I didn't pin my hopes and dreams on a man or a relationship, I'm in a casual relationship but these things are all about me, the house is mine and mine only and this is my journey with me the surrogate and my baby. I've learned that I can only rely on me for my happiness in life. Do I eventually want to share it with someone? Sure, but my happiness depends on me only not on someone else or on having a relationship.
So anyone who's struggling stay the course and have faith - things tend to work out in the end!
So anyone who's struggling stay the course and have faith - things tend to work out in the end!
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Join Date: Jun 2016
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Congratulations! I have read your original post - I feel the same way sometimes, I have a 12 year old, just divorced XAH - always wanted a sibling for my son but could not have one due to XAHs relapses. Yes, you can only count on yourself for happiness - that is I am certain about!
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Hi!
I so remember you and remember feeling our stories were so similar in many ways (including Family of Origin crazy if I recall)...
SO glad to hear from you, so sorry to hear of all you've been through and will hold you in my thoughts and prayers that your one shot with the embryo and IVF works!
xoxo
I so remember you and remember feeling our stories were so similar in many ways (including Family of Origin crazy if I recall)...
SO glad to hear from you, so sorry to hear of all you've been through and will hold you in my thoughts and prayers that your one shot with the embryo and IVF works!
xoxo
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UPDATE:
I got the good news on Easter morning - finally after two years of struggle (and many years post A), I am "expecting"! Well it's a bit more complicated than that - due to the cancer I had to get a surrogate but the surrogate is pregnant carrying my baby girl (it's a gestational surrogacy which means it's my egg and the anon sperm and she's the baby's home).
It's a true miracle and proves there is life after the A....and that if you're determined enough you can do anything!
What's interesting is Easter is the last time I spoke to my mom a few years ago before she passed. And the baby is due at Christmas which is around the time my father passed. So it's like it was meant to be!
Now it's early - she's 5 weeks along today and we will have to get through the first trimester but we're on our way!
(I hope some of the people I used to know still post here. :-))
I got the good news on Easter morning - finally after two years of struggle (and many years post A), I am "expecting"! Well it's a bit more complicated than that - due to the cancer I had to get a surrogate but the surrogate is pregnant carrying my baby girl (it's a gestational surrogacy which means it's my egg and the anon sperm and she's the baby's home).
It's a true miracle and proves there is life after the A....and that if you're determined enough you can do anything!
What's interesting is Easter is the last time I spoke to my mom a few years ago before she passed. And the baby is due at Christmas which is around the time my father passed. So it's like it was meant to be!
Now it's early - she's 5 weeks along today and we will have to get through the first trimester but we're on our way!
(I hope some of the people I used to know still post here. :-))
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
Aeryn!!!! I am so happy for you!!! Wow, a surrogate?! You have put some planning into this. God Bless you, your surrogate, and that sweet baby on your journey. Keep us updated friend!!!!
Tight hugs!
Tight hugs!
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That is super exciting! I know you have wanted this for a long time, and I am just so happy for you!
Originally Posted by Aeryn
I had two embryos - the doctor tried putting one in me first and it failed due to the cancer (it was worth a try though) so this one was my last shot with the surrogate being the last option! And it happened...I'm almost still in shock.
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This is crazy! I started this thread at the end of 2015! It's been quite a journey (the cancer was first discovered at the end of 2014 but at the end of 2015 when I started this thread I had just had the surgery to correct the malpractice that happened taking out the cancer).
Honestly I was starting to think it would never happen - now the baby is on the way and I also bought a house in December that's being worked on that I expect to move in my June.
I hope this thread gives people currently with A's hope! It can happen, a new happy life post A....I'll be honest when I was deep in it I never thought it would happen for me but I kept trying anyway and I'm glad I did.
Honestly I was starting to think it would never happen - now the baby is on the way and I also bought a house in December that's being worked on that I expect to move in my June.
I hope this thread gives people currently with A's hope! It can happen, a new happy life post A....I'll be honest when I was deep in it I never thought it would happen for me but I kept trying anyway and I'm glad I did.
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