LexieCat

Getting a TRO is generally a simple process of filling out a form and talking to a judge. They are usually "ex parte" orders, so it's just you at that point. If the TRO is granted, the court schedules a hearing date for the final--that's the one that is a hearing with both parties testifying.

It's important if you apply for one that you describe not only the most recent incident, but any history that has made you afraid. Mention the gun, and ask if it can be held for safekeeping. Mention any threats he has made (e.g., the threat to kill your mother, and any threats he has made to physically harm you. Looking at the standard for protective orders in Montana, it's not totally clear whether you would be granted one, but you can try.

armartin

I have video footage from a few incidents where he went psycho as well... hopefully that would be helpful.

armartin

He told me he is going to get a TRO against my mom for spanking now... so she can't see the kids. Dear lord.

Liveitwell

Welcome to divorcing a delusional person-btdt. They will project everything into you and when they do something, they will deny and blame/accuse you of the very thing they are guilty of-it can be maddening but try not to engage-remember he's a very sick person lashing out bc he cannot take responsibility for himself or his actions. Btdt as well!!

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this-and I wish you peace and strength !

THippy

It sounds like you're at a turning point that is going to be best for you and your kids, as soon as the car stops spinning.
Hang in there.
Since CPS is probably already aware of the spanking incident, I imagine he won't get far with that. His own behavior is far more alarming. They must think so too or they'd have already limited your mother from seeing the kids.

I'm new here but I *think* that what he's doing (threatening a TRO against your Mom) is called "quacking".
Keep doing your thing.

Carlotta

I got a TRO over a decade ago in NJ after my X attacked me and punched me in the face on top of the stairs (I went stumbling down) while drunk, aggressive and delusional. Those were steep stairs and I could have broken my neck.
I had to insist that the cops take me to the station and call the night judge they were so unhelpful. Judge granted it to me instantly.
I also got an appointment (which I kept) the following week to County court where the judge took a look at my face and granted me a permanent one.
They had no victim advocates or support back then so I had to represent myself but it was pretty easy and the judge was very nice.

dandylion

emartin.......it sounds, to me, like he is "quacking", also......
He is fighting back with very few available weapons.......
The court is already on to him........

dandylion

LexieCat

Sorry you had a tough time with the police, Carlotta, we drilled into the cops in our county they were ALWAYS to contact the on-call judge when requested. We still got occasional reports where it wasn't done. Glad the judge, at least, was helpful. Still, you know there are a lot of victims out there who wouldn't have gone so far as to insist. Shame.

amy55

armartin, you have a lot of support here. Take it, listen to them. The more you let them get away with things, the more they try to get away with things. I know of all the lies you have been told, of how many times, you may have been told this is the last time. That they will get help. It turns out that it happens so many times, I don't think they actually believe it anymore. I don't feel they have remorse, I think they start to feel like, Thank God, it wasn't reported. It gets worse, and you get blamed more and more. Why? Because they get away with it. I was married for 27 years. I'm still being blamed.

Contact the DV advocate in your county to help you with this. Contact the DV hotline 1-800-799-SAFE. The national DV hotline, will connect you with you local DV center. It's anonymous. You don't have to give them your name, but let them tell you or advice you how to go about things.

A DV advocate will go to court with you, and explain how things happen.

I also don't feel that you and your children are safe with him. I don't care if he is out of the house or not.

(((((((hugs)))))))
amy

redatlanta

I am glad he has left the house. I think getting an apartment might be the right decision. It would set you up better financially.

The response to you by CPS was one of the fastest I have seen. Please keep your kids (and yourself) away from him. Not worth the risk of his insanity, not worth losing your kids. I don't think CPS will give any leeway please follow whatever they say to do.

Liveitwell

I should have called CPS many times during our marriage-but I was terrified of my husband and telling the truth bc I knew he would turn on me. That's what he did-he didn't want his abuse outed. My fear kept me stuck for years and caused me to not take care of myself or my kids properly. Once you get past caring what he thinks (and you are there), you're golden. Just pay no attention to all the things he will threaten you with, throw your way, etc....just goes to show you made the absolute best decision for you and the kids. Peace to you!

sauerkraut

Armartin--
How are you doing? I've been thinking about you and hoping you and your children are safe and on a new path. Please post and let us know you're all right.

Liveitwell

Ditto. Thanks for bumping, SK!

sauerkraut

I didn't even know "bumping" was a thing. Guess I'm more savvy than I knew.

Armartin? You okay?

armartin

I'm here!!
We have had an okay weekend. AH has stayed away. My little girl has been having a hard time, she misses her daddy. 😢
We went to church today, that was good.
I'm putting my energy into doing a big purge of things in our house for when we move.
Thanks for caring. 💗 It means so much.

LexieCat

Thanks for checking in--glad to hear things have been calm/quiet.

Yes, I'm sure your daughter misses him, but you are doing the right thing for her.

Are you taking that nice apartment you were telling us about?

Hawkeye13

I'm really glad you are OK amartin

armartin

I think I am going to take the apartment. AH and I are set to meet with a counselor on Thursday, where we will be discussing our separation.
He was investigated by CPS today, she is going to call me later today... interested to see what she says.
He said, well I will go to AA if thats what it takes. Kinda missing the point, if you want to go --then go... if you don't, then don't.
I just got an email from my personal counselor and I will be seeing her next Monday.
I am going to contact a place that has resources for abused women, the CPS investigator urged me to contact them to utilize their resources and they would assign me an advocate.

Can I just say how great it is to know that you guys care about me? This is really hard, I feel so lost. I feel like my life is just an unsettled mess right now. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer this fall and today is her first day of chemo...
Just a lot to handle right now! But crying is good for me, I held it back for so long because he always told me that I was "weak" if I cried, so I just quit.

Oh dear... my therapist has her work cut out for her, doesn't she?!

ShootingStar1

We're all here for you, caring about you even when you are not online.

Life will get better, just hang in there and work on the future, not the past.

ShootingStar1

firebolt

You might be surprised how much you thrive on your own between therapy sessions, without all the stress and chaos you've been dealing with.

(((HUGS and good thoughts))) To you and your mama.