Leaving....
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Then take your kids somewhere for the night, and apply for the order tomorrow. Just go stay at a motel or with a friend or with your folks--I wouldn't tell him where. Keep the phone with you until you are safely out. Or you can even call the police first and ask them to stand by until you are gone. If you explain what is going on, I'm pretty sure they will help you. Or call the shelter, that's what it's for. Tell someone there what's going on and they will help you get out safely.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
amartin, it occurred to me that if he were truly remorseful his first concern would be for how he had affected the children and you, and he would have volunteered to leave the house to you and the kids, instead of you having to move to a small apartment.
I'm glad CPS are involved because you were wavering, and this has emphasised how serious the situation really is. I'm horrified he's allowed to keep the gun (or maybe they'll confiscated it?)
I'm glad CPS are involved because you were wavering, and this has emphasised how serious the situation really is. I'm horrified he's allowed to keep the gun (or maybe they'll confiscated it?)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by armartin 
Well things have taken an interesting turn.... my daughter talked to the school counselor on Monday and gave him bits and pieces of what had happened over the weekend. He then called me and we spoke for over 30 minutes. At one point during the raging abuse, my AH went into the garage and got a gun... he told me he was going "target shooting" and we were "better off without him". I told him to stop being ridiculous and he did put the gun away. Our daughter saw that he had it.... then at another point during the weekend. AH commented that if my mother spanked the kids ever again, he was "going to kill her". And my daughter heard that as well. And she told the counselor.... and I knew he was going to contact Child Protective Services--especially because of the threat, the alcohol abuse, and the violence/anger. I just got a call from the investigator. She asked me what I was doing to keep my kids safe..... she suggested I kick him out, she told me that he is not allowed to pick up the children from daycare anymore. She also suggested that he only have supervised visits with the children and no overnight visits until he got some serious help.
I feel like this is my HP coming into play.... he leaves our house, we get to stay, my kids can stay in their home.... he has to undergo chemical dependency evaluations and mental health evaluations. He leaves, I stay... I have the things I need in order to get a TRO if I need one.
I feel like this is my HP coming into play.... he leaves our house, we get to stay, my kids can stay in their home.... he has to undergo chemical dependency evaluations and mental health evaluations. He leaves, I stay... I have the things I need in order to get a TRO if I need one.
Read more responses sounds like you are finally - awesome.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Please, please take Lexie's advice & get out asap. This isn't some vague sign from your HP - this is your child standing up & BEGGING for you to advocate for them. Please listen to her. She is one INCREDIBLY brave 6-yr old!
You have all the power to start creating changes right now, it's just this first baby step. Ok, it's a HUGE step, but the most important. You are all in my prayers. ((((Hugs))))
You have all the power to start creating changes right now, it's just this first baby step. Ok, it's a HUGE step, but the most important. You are all in my prayers. ((((Hugs))))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
. The investigator told me that I needed to take my kids and stay at my parents tonight or somewhere safe away from him. So, if I let him stay or don't say anything... then I am worried that CPS would intervene.
then DO what the investigator told you to do!?? you cannot possibly still be considering HIM in this equation?? CPS is involved now, and that is about as serious as it gets for a parent. they CAN take your children if they deem that is the best thing to do.
then DO what the investigator told you to do!?? you cannot possibly still be considering HIM in this equation?? CPS is involved now, and that is about as serious as it gets for a parent. they CAN take your children if they deem that is the best thing to do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Montana
Posts: 140
He has left. We are at home safe and sound playing my little ponies. Honestly, I feel like the abuse has built and built that I just took it in stride and kept on going. This has been a huge wake up call for me. Thank you all for the support. 💗
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
I'm so glad he's gone. Please be careful and get a protection order. Once you have it YOU have to stick to it; he may try to wriggle his way back, and you must report any communication that's prohibited.
All the best for you and the children. You've given them a great gift. Please hand the gun in so he can't get to it.
All the best for you and the children. You've given them a great gift. Please hand the gun in so he can't get to it.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Great--just keep the phone close by and as I said, call the police if you need to. And please get that order so you can change the locks. When you apply for the order, be sure to mention the gun and that you want it held for safekeeping.
Hugs, stay safe!
Hugs, stay safe!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: LBC, CA
Posts: 203
You and your kids do deserve better. Get out of there and let him deal with his issues alone. No sense in having the babies deal with things they can't even understand. Happy for you 
Let us know when you are in your new place.
Let us know when you are in your new place.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Hi
I just read this thread and I hope that you are ok today and that you followed Lexie's advice.
Let having CPS on your case be your own bottom. You don't have to dig any further and risk losing your kids or your life.
Whether it's his bottom or not, who knows? But you have a choice today to put a stop to this and get off the crazy train for your and your daughter's sake. You both don't deserve to live like that
I just read this thread and I hope that you are ok today and that you followed Lexie's advice.
Let having CPS on your case be your own bottom. You don't have to dig any further and risk losing your kids or your life.
Whether it's his bottom or not, who knows? But you have a choice today to put a stop to this and get off the crazy train for your and your daughter's sake. You both don't deserve to live like that
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 715
Hi Armartin. I hope this post finds you well today.
After reading your what you have written, I called my 16 year old son into the room. My ex husband and I divorced when he was 8. I asked him to tell me what his worst memory was. His answer?? "the night you and Daddy were arguing and you called the police" . How I wish I could take that memory away from him...
I remember him sitting with one of the officers on my back porch being interviewed... Omg! My heart breaks at the memory of that. Now looking back on that night I question myself as to why I didn't leave sooner. Children see everything and hear everything.
Protect yourself and more importantly, protect those beautiful children. They deserve a life without chaos with a happy mother. Let your husband deal with his own nonsense and get yourself the hell out of that situation. I know you deserve better than that!!
Good Luck to you... Please keep us posted. Big hug!!
Ro
After reading your what you have written, I called my 16 year old son into the room. My ex husband and I divorced when he was 8. I asked him to tell me what his worst memory was. His answer?? "the night you and Daddy were arguing and you called the police" . How I wish I could take that memory away from him...
I remember him sitting with one of the officers on my back porch being interviewed... Omg! My heart breaks at the memory of that. Now looking back on that night I question myself as to why I didn't leave sooner. Children see everything and hear everything.
Protect yourself and more importantly, protect those beautiful children. They deserve a life without chaos with a happy mother. Let your husband deal with his own nonsense and get yourself the hell out of that situation. I know you deserve better than that!!
Good Luck to you... Please keep us posted. Big hug!!
Ro
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Montana
Posts: 140
Hi all... CPS interviewed my daughter today. She is hanging out with my parents as she has no school--yippee! My mom said it went well.
Lilro... I appreciate the insight. Breaks my heart to think of how scary that was for her and this IS my rock bottom. Its time for some positive changes for my kiddos and I.
I am looking forward to a happier peaceful future for us. :o)
I still do not think my AH is taking this very seriously.... he was still under the impression that if grandma hadn't swatted our little one on the butt, he would have never gotten mad. When the truth is, he has plenty of "fall back triggers" as one might say, to blame on his rage. I truly hope he gets help for the sake of himself and our children. But that is no longer my burden, I'm taking care of ME and my babies!
I already emailed my counselor and told her that some big things have happened in my life and I am ready for her to help me in my recovery. <3
Thank you all for caring. Warms my heart!!!!!!!
Lilro... I appreciate the insight. Breaks my heart to think of how scary that was for her and this IS my rock bottom. Its time for some positive changes for my kiddos and I.
I am looking forward to a happier peaceful future for us. :o)
I still do not think my AH is taking this very seriously.... he was still under the impression that if grandma hadn't swatted our little one on the butt, he would have never gotten mad. When the truth is, he has plenty of "fall back triggers" as one might say, to blame on his rage. I truly hope he gets help for the sake of himself and our children. But that is no longer my burden, I'm taking care of ME and my babies!
I already emailed my counselor and told her that some big things have happened in my life and I am ready for her to help me in my recovery. <3
Thank you all for caring. Warms my heart!!!!!!!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
The irony is that your daughter was FAR more traumatized by his actions than the little one was by a swat on the butt (which probably left an impression for five minutes).
I hope you aren't waiting for CPS to decide what you need to do to protect your child. You can be proactive instead or reactive. If you decide not to get an order, I hope you will take that apartment. This situation is way too volatile right now to take chances.
Please use all the help and support you can get your hands on right now.
I hope you aren't waiting for CPS to decide what you need to do to protect your child. You can be proactive instead or reactive. If you decide not to get an order, I hope you will take that apartment. This situation is way too volatile right now to take chances.
Please use all the help and support you can get your hands on right now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Montana
Posts: 140
Our family home's mortgage is almost one of my paychecks, I get two per month, and I'm getting worried about affording that on top of everything else.... so I'm feeling like an apartment is a better avenue for us. That way *I* have the keys, its *MY* place and he has no rights to it. Then I worry he will stop making the house payments. But I'm not going to even go there for right now. One day at a time....
Has anyone gotten a TRO before? How does it all play out? Testify @ a hearing?
Has anyone gotten a TRO before? How does it all play out? Testify @ a hearing?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
amartin.....if you feel that he isn't taking this seriously.....what is stopping him from coming back to the house?
It is quite standard for drinking alcoholics to blame something or someone else for their actions. An abuser always feels "justified" for their actions.....with no concern for the welfare or feelings of those who have suffered at their hands.
dandylion
It is quite standard for drinking alcoholics to blame something or someone else for their actions. An abuser always feels "justified" for their actions.....with no concern for the welfare or feelings of those who have suffered at their hands.
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Montana
Posts: 140
dandylion. you are right on. It was and has ALWAYS been someone else's fault. Never his own, never ever ever. I don't keep the house clean enough, I spend too much money, he works harder than I do, etc etc etc.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
