To destroy photos or not
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 399
To destroy photos or not
Think I am ready to delete all of my photos of my marriage... Does anyone think that's too dramatic and not best for my son? I like seeing my history in general but can't stand to see why I should keep anything based on lies in my history file especially because he left us.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
When my first husband (not an A) and I split up, he took our professional wedding album, and the scrapbook I made from candid photos, and burned them. I found out about it a few months after the fact. Those books held photos of me with relatives who had since passed away, and would have been good to have for our daughters. I still have photos of times during the marriage. They are important for our daughters. I am having the same feelings about photos of my STBXAH--our son will want memories of happier times, and I'm OK with that.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
I haven't burned of thrown out any photos-I've taken all photos of him down, save one, because my daughter likes it. We have looked through pictures many times and she's not in denial about who her dad is-and pictures serve to preserve the good memories. Just my two cents 
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Why not just save them on a flash drive or CD & put it away somewhere where you can forget about it until DS is older? I can totally understand not wanting to scroll through them on your computer every day, but you may feel differently someday in the future & won't have any way of recreating them. JMO
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
When our 25 yr marriage ended. Ended
peacefully and I returned home to my
hometown here in Baton Rouge, I left
all my wedding stuff behind for our kids
to do what they want with them.
There is history in those photographs
that tell a story of a different time and
place we were in. Just seems so long
ago for since we both moved on and
have remarried to different people.
I was in my addiction from 82 to 90
and entered recovery from there to
where I am today, 25 yrs sober and
married for 6yrs.
All those picture tell a story of before,
during and after my addiction. For me
I don't need those pictures because I
already know the story. As for leaving
them behind, they carry on for those
into that ancestory stuff. Me, Ill be
long gone and cant take anything with
me.
Simple and sweet.
peacefully and I returned home to my
hometown here in Baton Rouge, I left
all my wedding stuff behind for our kids
to do what they want with them.
There is history in those photographs
that tell a story of a different time and
place we were in. Just seems so long
ago for since we both moved on and
have remarried to different people.
I was in my addiction from 82 to 90
and entered recovery from there to
where I am today, 25 yrs sober and
married for 6yrs.
All those picture tell a story of before,
during and after my addiction. For me
I don't need those pictures because I
already know the story. As for leaving
them behind, they carry on for those
into that ancestory stuff. Me, Ill be
long gone and cant take anything with
me.
Simple and sweet.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: liverpool uk
Posts: 198
Originally Posted by killerinstinct 
Think I am ready to delete all of my photos of my marriage... Does anyone think that's too dramatic and not best for my son? I like seeing my history in general but can't stand to see why I should keep anything based on lies in my history file especially because he left us.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
I do not think it is dramatic. If you really cannot stand it, if it upsets you, and if you do not think you are going to regret it, go for it and delete. I have way too many pics of my ex, and they are all over the place, so, it was easier for me simply not to think of the pics and ignore them. The albums on Facebook for example were hidden from public. It was technically easier to do and less time-consuming. And I have no desire whatsoever to look at the pics anyway, so it does not matter where they are, or if they exist or not.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 171
Make copies. Put the originals in a safety deposit box for you kid and burn the copies.
It'll feel cathartic, I'm sure, for you and then you'll allow your kid to make the choice to keep those memories or ditch them when he's older.
It'll feel cathartic, I'm sure, for you and then you'll allow your kid to make the choice to keep those memories or ditch them when he's older.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
Another vote for saving them, for your son's sake.
You loved your ex alcoholic at one point and from that love your son was created and born. Your love wasn't a lie, even if his was. Hugs.
can't stand to see why I should keep anything based on lies in my history file especially because he left us
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
My ex (not an A) passed away just over 2 years ago. I'm glad that I kept the photos. Our son has them displayed in his room. He misses his dad very much.
I also vote to put them away for now. Your son might want them when he's older.
I also vote to put them away for now. Your son might want them when he's older.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 431
My father died when I was 14 and my Mom remarried...the wedding photos were passed down to me on my mom's passing this year and I cherish them greatly.
Also...if you do remarry I'll tell you as a step child I always felt that *my* family included my real dad and no way I wanted any memories of him destroyed for the *new guy*. Just my two cents on my experience....especially if later down the road you want to remarry...nothing wrong with remarrying at all - BUT the child will always consider the original family the real one...or at least I did and everyone I knew in a similar situation. Sometimes the photos are all we have of our original family.
Also...if you do remarry I'll tell you as a step child I always felt that *my* family included my real dad and no way I wanted any memories of him destroyed for the *new guy*. Just my two cents on my experience....especially if later down the road you want to remarry...nothing wrong with remarrying at all - BUT the child will always consider the original family the real one...or at least I did and everyone I knew in a similar situation. Sometimes the photos are all we have of our original family.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I agree with putting them away for your children to deal with.
When I was in dire straits financially, I was looking at selling my engagement and wedding band from my alcoholic marriage. I was surprised to learn that the one kid who is most harshly angry at her father (the A) was stunned that I would even think of such a thing without talking to the kids first.. to her, those were part of her history and something that (while her history was bad and hurtful in parts) she wanted kept for her to inherit one day.
When I was in dire straits financially, I was looking at selling my engagement and wedding band from my alcoholic marriage. I was surprised to learn that the one kid who is most harshly angry at her father (the A) was stunned that I would even think of such a thing without talking to the kids first.. to her, those were part of her history and something that (while her history was bad and hurtful in parts) she wanted kept for her to inherit one day.
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