Hi - need help
 

My husband seems to think bc he isn't a drunk like I was that his drinking doesn't cause problems. He feels entitled to it. I've struggled with the feeling that he doesn't really care about me or he'd stop drinking..and then I say I know better bc I couldn't just stop bc I loved someone..so then I reason that he can't actual stop either
But he swears up and down he's not an alcoholic.. That he just likes to get drunk..he likes to wind down that way
.he doesn't have to have it he chooses to

Yada yada all the stuff I said to. And I should KNOW better then to reason with someone who likes the drug or drink that much... But it doesn't make it any easier, it doesn't make it hurt less. I just feel we live these separate lives now..and his drinking tends to make him do stupid things he .
Should regret..but doesn't?? Its like there's no shame.. But I totally get that feeling of ruining their good time when I was drinking and now when I'm not. It puts you in a very lonely place in your marriage.. It seperates you..makes distance.. Walls..in your heart weather you realize it or not. You know in your mind that you can never be a part of that part of their life again but in your heart you miss it. Bc it added chemistry??!? And then you think it's pretty ****** up that you can't have chemistry with out it but that is hour reality. And it sucks..and it hurts
.and you just have to keep praying and keep doing what you know to do to stay sober..and pray that one day you will know..and be strong enough to deal with it..or to leave....(and when i kept saying "you" I meant Mr fyi..in case that you wasn't understood.

Hi Amanda

just wanted to welcome you and to bump your thread up a bit - weekends can sometimes be slow here :)

D

Amanda......"common sense" might tell a person that being an alcoholic in recovery, oneself, would make the process easier.......but, all that I have read and seen tells me that this is not true. (I am not alcoholic, myself). I am the loved one of a family member who is alcoholic.

You will find your "story" repeated, over and over, in the volume of real-life experiences, here on this forum.
Another observation, of mine, is that---dealing with an alcoholic who is not a part of your inner circle is a sea mile different than dealing with someone who you have close, intimate bonds with.....like a husband.....
With someone that your personal life is intertwined with...your own fears, insecurities, goals and ego needs are at play.
Basically, I think that means that in the end, you become just like anyone else who is in the position of dealing with a loved one's alcoholism......

Alanon is there for you, if you choose. It, among other things, will help you to develop that inner strength that you referred to......to sort your own self out....so that you can make the kinds of decisions about your life that you need to....

You will be the one who decides what you can live with and what you can't......what kind of life you need.....what you need t thrive (not just exist)......and what your limits are for intolerable behaviors in others (boundaries).

My main suggestion to you is this: Get all the help you can/learn all you can. This road is too difficult to walk alone....

I hope you are willing to hang around.....lol..

The fact of your own recovery from alcoholism does mean one thing----that your own sobriety trumps everything else...(and I know that you already know that).....

dandylion