Why does my AH that left keep calling?

Old 11-20-2015, 06:03 AM
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Why does my AH that left keep calling?

My AH and I were together 5 years and have 2 small children together. 10 days ago he left us without moment to go shack up with his alcoholic ex girlfriend, who split from her husband the week before. He called me 6 times on Wednesday night from a new number. I blocked it because I have nothing to say. Then yesterday, he left 6 voicemails (even though he is blocked, I can still get the voicemails), begging me to call him. He said he was calling to check on the kids, calling to check on me and make sure we are ok. He said he knows he left me but still loves me. Why does he keep calling? He made his choice and I don't intend to go back. As many times as he has left, I have always taken him back. But now I'm done. But he seems to have this attitude that even though he treated me like crap and left with no warning, he doesn't understand why I won't talk to him. I just want to know why he keeps calling? And if he will probably give up soon? Because it is out of the ordinary for me to ignore him and it is requiring willpower on my part
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Old 11-20-2015, 06:17 AM
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"As many times as he has left, I have always taken him back."

This is why. We teach people how to treat us, through our actions. Breaking a pattern is difficult, but understand he has no reason, right now, to believe that this time will be different.

The good news is, he doesn't have to believe it for it to be true. You are the only one who needs to believe it.

What other support besides willpower do you have to help you maintain No Contact? Certainly you can come here and post when you are feeling less than strong, but do you have real life support of family and friends to help you through this? A counselor? Al-anon?
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Old 11-20-2015, 06:25 AM
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A good way to explain your position is to file for legal separation or divorce. I suggest you contact an attorney to get the ball rolling. Even if you're not ready for a divorce, legal separation will set rules for who can stay in the house (if his name is on the deed/lease he can come and go at will unless there is an order that YOU have exclusive possession for now), child support, visitation, etc. Without an order there would be nothing to prevent him from picking up the kids at school and keeping them with him.

Get your ducks in a row. Serve him with papers and he will get the message.
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Old 11-20-2015, 07:47 AM
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Friend-I've been there. What Sparkle said is true-we teach others how to treat us and what is acceptable and behavior we will or won't accept. I kept bitching at my husband about despicable and scary behavior telling him he needed to stop, change, see the light, etc, etc. I stayed and each time it got worse, I still stayed, and that taught him it is okay to treat me like that. Well-it's not. I had to pull myself back up abd respect myself enough to walk (run) away for good. I needed to set a good example for my kids-I had failed in many ways at doing that before.
He's quacking (really? Calling you while shacked up with soneone else?! That's NOT love!), he's acting like a toddler and truthfully just wants to test the waters.....keep moving forward, speak with an attorney and move forward with the divirce. I don't know how that could be misunderstood.
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Old 11-20-2015, 10:05 AM
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Hi Heather,
To answer your question, he's calling because he can. He's calling because you have allowed him back when he has done this to you and your children before. Why would this time be any different?
If you truly are "done" you need to "do" something about it. I may be wrong here but I don't think so, you cannot keep your children from him. You need to get some legal advise. Unfortunately those kids are as much his as yours. Protect yourself and those children, get yourself an attorney. Stay strong Heather.... Peace is in your near future!
Ro
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Old 11-20-2015, 02:00 PM
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Because you've been down this road before with him so he's doing his same actions.


Originally Posted by heather59901 View Post
My AH and I were together 5 years and have 2 small children together. 10 days ago he left us without moment to go shack up with his alcoholic ex girlfriend, who split from her husband the week before. He called me 6 times on Wednesday night from a new number. I blocked it because I have nothing to say. Then yesterday, he left 6 voicemails (even though he is blocked, I can still get the voicemails), begging me to call him. He said he was calling to check on the kids, calling to check on me and make sure we are ok. He said he knows he left me but still loves me. Why does he keep calling? He made his choice and I don't intend to go back. As many times as he has left, I have always taken him back. But now I'm done. But he seems to have this attitude that even though he treated me like crap and left with no warning, he doesn't understand why I won't talk to him. I just want to know why he keeps calling? And if he will probably give up soon? Because it is out of the ordinary for me to ignore him and it is requiring willpower on my part
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Old 11-20-2015, 02:37 PM
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Hi Heather...
Everybody's right.... because you have always taken him back before.
I did the same thing... over and over and over.
My AH called me from the house of the woman he cheated with too... He even asked me to COME PICK HIM UP from her house once.
Thankfully, I can say that I said HELL NO to that one....

But I wanted to say I think you're doing great. You blocked him. You're not calling him back. I know it's hard.
And no, I'm sure it's not going to stop any time soon, especially with the kids involved... and like was mentioned above, it's probably time to get something established legally as far as custody.

((((hugs)))) to you!!!
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Old 11-20-2015, 02:53 PM
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I read your post a couple of times and I am just wondering if deep down inside there is a small part of you hoping that he is calling because "he really does love you and want to get back?"

The answer to the question does not change what you know you have to do ie get him out of your life. But it would change your strategy and the way you move forward to achieve this.
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Old 11-22-2015, 07:25 AM
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He thinks he can play you, act nasty, run off with the crazy ex, then when it gets old reel you back in. It's like a game.

My guess is he isn't enjoying his freedom as much as he imagined he would. He's gone from a comfortable home, you, his children, to shacking up with a fellow addict whose focus is not about him. Maybe he figures he hasn't burned his bridges. You show him that he has.
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