He never went

Old 11-16-2015, 03:55 AM
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He never went

Just an update for everyone. My ABF never ended up going to treatment that day. It has been very difficult for me to accept, but I believe I now have. I have fully surrendered to the idea that "I didn't cause this and I cannot fix it." I have finished the book "Codependent No More" and it has been a life-changing experience. It completely broke me... to the point where I couldn't stop crying (grieving) for days. This book explained everything about me that I had wondered about for years. I always knew I was different; that there was something wrong with me. I went to many therapists, and NOT ONE said anything to me about codependency. I even told one therapist the first time I met her that I was going to try to make her like me, because I knew that I was a people pleaser and put up walls. That didn't even cue her in!

I never thought about codependency as it pertains to me; that was always someone else. My parents do not drink, so I was not raised around alcohol. BUT both of my mom's parents were alcoholics, so I learned my behavior from her. I can see her in this book, clear as a bell. This is her... THIS IS ME!

I do have hope though. Hope for myself! I know what is wrong with me and I know how to fix it! If you remember from my first posts, I placed all of my hope in my ABF. I was contantly trying to take care of him! He is an adult and he can take care of himself! And it is so obvious that I chose the name Caretaker! OMG! I want to change it, but I won't, because it reminds me of how far I've come in such a short period of time!

I really would like to thank everyone on this forum. You have given me a mirror. One that I didn't realize was for me to look into. I am looking! And I am scared! BUT, I can do something about it!

Thank You!
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Old 11-16-2015, 04:48 AM
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Hi caretaker,

There are so many things that we want to believe. The only thing that we can really believe in is that we can change ourselves, we can't change another person.

That was a terrific post that you wrote.

If I didn't say this before, I'll say it now, welcome to the forum. I can see what a terrific person you are.

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Old 11-21-2015, 10:35 AM
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Seeing reality is sometimes scary but its also the grounds of deep change.
I see you will be doing really well in a short time and your growth should be acknowledged, good job, keep taking care of yourself!
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Old 11-21-2015, 04:41 PM
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Good job on reading and thinking how these materials out there can help you!

You are doing super!
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Old 11-21-2015, 04:51 PM
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Yikes-great words-seeing reality IS sometimes insanely scary but it is grounds fir deep change. It's along the same thing as: to get to where you want to be you must first admit where you are. Good words.
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Old 11-21-2015, 05:29 PM
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Good job taking care of yourself, btw. That's all you can do!!
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