CPS called and wants to meet.
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CPS called and wants to meet.
CPS called me the other day and want to set an appointment for me and my husband at the end of the month. I have 2 other kids are get straight A's and B's and are never in trouble. My son brought booze to school to fit in. End of story. My husband made it through detox and says he wants to have a long talk with our 15year old. The problem is he doesn't respect his dad. I'm setting a boundary that he can't be drunk or high in the house. I hope I can stick to it. Thank you everyone who read.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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AW,
Good luck meeting with CPS, I hope all goes well. I am so happy that AH is sober today. Action speaks louder then words with an addict. They say " It isn't my job to reward him for sobriety or punish him for drunkenness."
Having an alcoholic Dad is really a huge red flag to me that your 15 year old just brought booze to school to "fit in". I wouldn't be naive to the fact that he is his his fathers child and has his DNA. I consider my biggest blessing from God, that my 2 daughters 21 & 23 are not addicts. (YET) I was not naive thinking that they were predisposed to this and I did everything in my power to watch and keep my eyes on them. The earlier they start the harder it is for them to stop. IMO, you still have control over your 15 year old, don't pass it off as a "stupid" thing!! Please make it clear to him that there is consequences if he wants to pull this again and FOLLOW through or you will have another generation of addicts and heart ache!!
I understand you setting up boundaries for your AH not drinking in the house. How can you enforce this. What is your plan?
Good luck meeting with CPS, I hope all goes well. I am so happy that AH is sober today. Action speaks louder then words with an addict. They say " It isn't my job to reward him for sobriety or punish him for drunkenness."
Having an alcoholic Dad is really a huge red flag to me that your 15 year old just brought booze to school to "fit in". I wouldn't be naive to the fact that he is his his fathers child and has his DNA. I consider my biggest blessing from God, that my 2 daughters 21 & 23 are not addicts. (YET) I was not naive thinking that they were predisposed to this and I did everything in my power to watch and keep my eyes on them. The earlier they start the harder it is for them to stop. IMO, you still have control over your 15 year old, don't pass it off as a "stupid" thing!! Please make it clear to him that there is consequences if he wants to pull this again and FOLLOW through or you will have another generation of addicts and heart ache!!
I understand you setting up boundaries for your AH not drinking in the house. How can you enforce this. What is your plan?
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The things that gets me is that my husband claims he is sick like my uncle. Except that my uncle has prostrate cancer. How dare he compare the two! Detox, rehab, hospital, jail, rinse and repeat. Why do I stay? I have no idea but I suspect it's because I had a rough child hood.
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Originally Posted by angrywife232310 
Why do I stay? I have no idea
Maybe you're right, and it has something to do with your upbringing. Probably does. But this question isn't something you should throw your hands up at and walk away. It quite possibly is the golden key to your future happiness.
Why we stay is as important as why they drink. More important when one considers that our happiness depends on our choices. I know that can be a hard concept to swallow sometimes but, as soon as we realize that the only person we can control is ourselves, it starts making sense.
Are you doing anything to try and figure out why you would stay in a relationship that makes you so angry?
You may be right about your son taking booze to school only to fit it. But it does beg the question: What else is he willing to do to fit it?
Either way it's something to be concerned about.
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CPS should be no problem since it appears that you and your husband are doing your best to do the right things for yourselves and your family (today).
They deal with many who don't have a clue.
(We) keep seeking the higher moral ground.
Good luck to you all,
MB
They deal with many who don't have a clue.
(We) keep seeking the higher moral ground.
Good luck to you all,
MB
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
AW,
I stayed with my XAH way longer then I should have. I was always hopeful that one day he would see the light. I always felt that I would know when the right time was. I did and I succeeded in the divorce. If you are not ready, don't because you will back down again, questioning if It was right.
Two days before my divorce my A came into my room, asked to spend the night, we hugged and cried all night, realizing this was the end, after 34 years together. The next day he asked me if we were making the right decision, and I said yes. I was ready. I don't think any time sooner that I would have been at peace, and that it was the right thing to do.
You don't need to force a solution, sit back make a plan and execute what you need to do. Its on your terms now, not his. Hugs my friend things will turn out the way God wanted them too.
I stayed with my XAH way longer then I should have. I was always hopeful that one day he would see the light. I always felt that I would know when the right time was. I did and I succeeded in the divorce. If you are not ready, don't because you will back down again, questioning if It was right.
Two days before my divorce my A came into my room, asked to spend the night, we hugged and cried all night, realizing this was the end, after 34 years together. The next day he asked me if we were making the right decision, and I said yes. I was ready. I don't think any time sooner that I would have been at peace, and that it was the right thing to do.
You don't need to force a solution, sit back make a plan and execute what you need to do. Its on your terms now, not his. Hugs my friend things will turn out the way God wanted them too.
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I have 2 other kids are get straight A's and B's and are never in trouble.
This sounds like me growing up. Just because they're not acting out doesn't mean they're not hurting too.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ic-family.html
This sounds like me growing up. Just because they're not acting out doesn't mean they're not hurting too.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ic-family.html
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ladyscribbler, I am a great mother. I pick them up at school and take them to school practice. I'm always there for them. It's insulting to me as a mother, to have cps involved in our lives. I don't look as my husband has a disease. He's sub-human and doesn't deserve any sympathy.
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Originally Posted by angrywife232310
ladyscribbler, I am a great mother. I pick them up at school and take them to school practice. I'm always there for them. It's insulting to me as a mother, to have cps involved in our lives. I don't look as my husband has a disease. He's sub-human and doesn't deserve any sympathy.
I hope that your children are able to break the patterns and unlearn the behaviors that you and your husband are teaching them.
Good luck with CPS.
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Originally Posted by ladyscribbler
Yet you choose to stay in this marriage and continually expose your children to his "sub-human" behavior.
Good luck with CPS.
Good luck with CPS.
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[QUOTE=Mountainmanbob;5645921]CPS should be no problem since it appears that you and your husband are doing your best to do the right things for yourselves and your family (today).
My husband has done all the treatments. The CPS seems really intrusive. And I don't appreciate it.
My husband has done all the treatments. The CPS seems really intrusive. And I don't appreciate it.
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Originally Posted by Bellamiaa
I don't think this is the best place for you to be when you say things like that... I take that as being rude.
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CPS is getting involved because they are concerned about your son. It isn't about you. You aren't a good parent if you are so angry you have been arrested for domestic violence.
Your children are growing up in a home of chaos and violence. There is nothing about being a good parent in there.
I sincerely hope that CPS interviews your children and gives them the help and protection they need.
Your children are growing up in a home of chaos and violence. There is nothing about being a good parent in there.
I sincerely hope that CPS interviews your children and gives them the help and protection they need.
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angrywife,
I used to be very defensive. I wanted to blame my exah for everything. I'm also a RA. I think sometimes we don't want to hear things. I know for sure I was one of those people who never wanted to hear things. I wanted to blame my ex for everything. After all, he was abusive, and it became impossible for me to live in the house, and I was always hiding and sleeping in the garage.
Thing is, I had 2 children that also were living with me, and they lived and slept in the house, and were exposed to him all the time.
I remember going to his therapist once, became my therapist after therapist fired my ex as a client. He told me that you did what you could with the "tools" that you had, now how about we give you some new "tools" to work with.
I did the best that I could with my children, trying to protect them from him. So why did I need new "tools"? They had really good grades, they were in honors classes. My son had just gotten a full scholarship to college based on academics alone. So why would anyone say anything to me. I was doing my best, I was actually surviving one day to the next for them. I was so, so angry at him.
Thing is, I needed to stop looking at my hurt back then, and I needed to start looking at their hurt then. I didn't do this. I was too blind with rage at him.
I'm also ACOA. (adult child of alcoholic). I would strive for perfectionism. I always got good grades. I was also drinking from the time I was 15 to numb the pain that I was feeling from my home life. All I ever heard was fighting in my home. I never felt safe to be there. I didn't want to be there, and I was self medicated to escape being there. I just wanted normal, but I didn't know what normal was. I just wanted the pain to go away.
No one here is judging you. I think many of us have gone through what you are going through, or perhaps going through the same hell now.
I can't tell you what to do either. I doubt if I would have listened with all of the anger that I felt.
What I do know now, is that I invested too much of my time trying to change my ex. I wasn't seeing things that were right in front of my eyes. My children started to drink at an early age, I was even blind to that. They had friends coming over that would leave cases of beer by the basement window, and then they would come in the front door. I never noticed this because I was blind with rage. All I was ever seeing was that I wanted justice for me. I wanted everyone to agree with me !!!!!
I wanted, needed him to change so bad because then everyone would see that it wasn't me.
My son was drinking because he was afraid to go off to college and to leave me alone with him, my daughter was drinking because she just didn't want to hear the fighting. Yet, both excelled in school because they didn't want to hear his mouth.
I really am hoping that you begin to take your focus off of your H's drinking and start to listen to the cry of pain from your children. A 15 yr old drinking and bringing it to school is not experimenting, it's a cry of pain.
Meet with CPS, don't be defensive, ask for their opinion, and ask what they think would be the best for your children. Don't depend on your ex for anything. I don't care if he detox'd or not. That means nothing.
Someone here needs to care about what is the best for the children. It's not going to be your H. I really wish now that I could have forseen the future while I was hiding in the garage and sleeping in the car.
((((((((hugs))))))))
amy
I used to be very defensive. I wanted to blame my exah for everything. I'm also a RA. I think sometimes we don't want to hear things. I know for sure I was one of those people who never wanted to hear things. I wanted to blame my ex for everything. After all, he was abusive, and it became impossible for me to live in the house, and I was always hiding and sleeping in the garage.
Thing is, I had 2 children that also were living with me, and they lived and slept in the house, and were exposed to him all the time.
I remember going to his therapist once, became my therapist after therapist fired my ex as a client. He told me that you did what you could with the "tools" that you had, now how about we give you some new "tools" to work with.
I did the best that I could with my children, trying to protect them from him. So why did I need new "tools"? They had really good grades, they were in honors classes. My son had just gotten a full scholarship to college based on academics alone. So why would anyone say anything to me. I was doing my best, I was actually surviving one day to the next for them. I was so, so angry at him.
Thing is, I needed to stop looking at my hurt back then, and I needed to start looking at their hurt then. I didn't do this. I was too blind with rage at him.
I'm also ACOA. (adult child of alcoholic). I would strive for perfectionism. I always got good grades. I was also drinking from the time I was 15 to numb the pain that I was feeling from my home life. All I ever heard was fighting in my home. I never felt safe to be there. I didn't want to be there, and I was self medicated to escape being there. I just wanted normal, but I didn't know what normal was. I just wanted the pain to go away.
No one here is judging you. I think many of us have gone through what you are going through, or perhaps going through the same hell now.
I can't tell you what to do either. I doubt if I would have listened with all of the anger that I felt.
What I do know now, is that I invested too much of my time trying to change my ex. I wasn't seeing things that were right in front of my eyes. My children started to drink at an early age, I was even blind to that. They had friends coming over that would leave cases of beer by the basement window, and then they would come in the front door. I never noticed this because I was blind with rage. All I was ever seeing was that I wanted justice for me. I wanted everyone to agree with me !!!!!
I wanted, needed him to change so bad because then everyone would see that it wasn't me.
My son was drinking because he was afraid to go off to college and to leave me alone with him, my daughter was drinking because she just didn't want to hear the fighting. Yet, both excelled in school because they didn't want to hear his mouth.
I really am hoping that you begin to take your focus off of your H's drinking and start to listen to the cry of pain from your children. A 15 yr old drinking and bringing it to school is not experimenting, it's a cry of pain.
Meet with CPS, don't be defensive, ask for their opinion, and ask what they think would be the best for your children. Don't depend on your ex for anything. I don't care if he detox'd or not. That means nothing.
Someone here needs to care about what is the best for the children. It's not going to be your H. I really wish now that I could have forseen the future while I was hiding in the garage and sleeping in the car.
((((((((hugs))))))))
amy
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CPS is there to see what is going on. They have a right to do so. You just said you have an arrest record for domestic violence. I am not trying to be unkind, it is just that keeping your children in a home exposing them to their father is going to cause negative effects in their lives. Believe me, I get it. When my X hit and pushed me, I kicked him out. I WANTED TO HIT HIM BACK, BADLY. I will readily admit that. I also knew that my children were watching me for my reaction. Basically, every decision you make you need to ask yourself, "Is this what is best for my kids?"
Don't fight CPS being there, work with them and listen to what they say.
Don't fight CPS being there, work with them and listen to what they say.
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