It's hot here under my magnifying glass.
 

Remember my baby giraffe analogy? Still very relevant.
Example:
I handle all of the finances here. That's an area of control that I hope to maintain even when/if things spiral downward as I let go of other ropes. For the sake of my and my children's security.
AH is going on a business trip next week so he mentioned that he'll need some cash for the trip.
My first instinct is to say (and I did say. Oops.) "work is paying for all of your expenses"
His reply was "Not ALL of them."
I say, "they pay for your transportation, hotel and food. What else is there?"
He begins to get annoyed. "So you don't think I should have ANY money to spend?"
I tell him that I'll see what is available after I pay the bills today.
End of discussion.

I KNOW that this cash he needs is for his drinks that the company won't pay for.
To me, logically, I don't think he should have any more cash than he otherwise spends on booze when he's not traveling.

So am I being logical? Or Am I controlling? By budgeting extra cash, am I enabling?

Again, I have the legs and general idea of how they're supposed to work, but I haven't yet achieved an upright position.

All the sudden, every little thing I do or don't do is subject to my own intense scrutiny as to whether I'm contributing to the problem.

give him 20 bucks, all in ones, because surely he meant TIPS.........

Personally, I would vote for showing him how much is left after the bills are paid and give what you can REASOBABLLY spare from the family budget.
You can't stop the man's drinking by purely controlling the money, anyway.....

dandylion

Ha! They cover reasonable tips too.

P.S. I sometimes find your replies in threads to be quite blunt and jarring. And I thank you for that. It's an important ingredient in the mixture of wisdom I see in this forum in the short time I've been here.

True.

Love your thread title.

Well, I'm sober, and I spend money of my own when I travel for work. Heck, a couple weeks ago I was in Florida and I realized I'd forgotten to pack one of my (approaching 100) t-shirts to sleep in. I wound up spending $20 for a butt-ugly T-shirt from the casino/bar/restaurant where we had dinner, just so I'd have something to sleep in.

So yeah. Stuff comes up. I don't know how long he's going for, or how tight your budget is, but for me, a week-long trip would warrant taking at least $50 for whatever. I use a credit card for EVERYTHING (which I pay off in full each month), so I don't count dollars for the most part (and I can afford not to).

Figure out how much would be reasonable (forget the fact that he drinks) and give him that.

I simultaneously fear & love when I see than anvil has responded to my threads - on one hand, I'm likely to hear some AMAZING insight. OTOH, I'm not sure I'll be ready to hear it. :lmao

I'm with dandy on this one though; I know it can be challenging to be "fair" when you see the lies & manipulation happening right in front of you. There are emergencies & incidentals to consider though too - I've gotten sick & needed OTC meds/supplies, had wardrobe emergencies & once I couldn't get my luggage locks to UNlock when I arrived for a 4-day training session... so I had to buy tools to break into my own stuff.

But the idea of giving it to him all in 1's............ evil genius.

I've just paid the bills and this is what I did. I told him what was left and suggested that we split it so that the kids and I might go do something while he's gone. I texted him this info and he hasn't responded yet but I think he'll be fine with it. It amounts to $75 when added to his usual allowance which is the same as mine.
We each carry a (zero balance) credit card in case of emergencies. So if he finds himself in need of jammies or burglary equipment ;) he can use that.

I’d say stick with what has become familiar, that way any control issues are out of the picture.

I say give him the 20 Bucks for "tips". That's just one less thing you'll have to do when he comes back... Lol.

Ack! there it is again!!

And I don't know the reference you mentioned in the other thread so I am ignorantly egging you on, it seems. :lmao

I'll goggle it later when I have more time!

I actually did not do that on purpose, didn't even catch that I'd written it that way.

Click the link in the other thread, you don't have to goggle (or google, for that matter). One thing about the change in the formatting for the forum, the links no longer show up easily.

Just to be clear, I have no concerns about "tips" versus tips.

i just got back from a business trip a couple weeks ago, and i swear i handed money to dang near every other person i encountered! so the idea of having cash on hand for tips wasn't really said tongue in cheek - you can't add the tip for housekeeping to the hotel bill for example....or the bellman, shuttle driver, etc....

I think the more you can do to have LESS contact about his spending money, the better. Maybe it is a good practice to pay ALL the bills, then divide the extra into his, the kids, and yours. Maybe add some savings in there somewhere, including a "get-away" fund for you and your kids to be on your own.

ShootingStar1

That is generally how I budget.
he doesn't travel very often, so I don't really have a routine for this situation.