Was he passive/aggressive before alcohol? Does it ever go away?
He keeps posting because he is getting reactions he likes from you or from others.
Its really a form of reality TV. For some its the way they communicate, and become very addicted to getting response. He is immature, and you are becoming someone you don't like. Exit crazy-town, don't look.
Its really a form of reality TV. For some its the way they communicate, and become very addicted to getting response. He is immature, and you are becoming someone you don't like. Exit crazy-town, don't look.
they say - when people SHOW you who they ARE, BELIEVE them.....you've had a lot of years to observe now. what do his actions over time tell you? without any projection of how he MIGHT change, because truly, people just don't change that much - altho there ARE exceptions, those who have a powerful spiritual experience for example.
perhaps instead of sticking around in the hopes that MAYBE he'll turn into a man you can respect and who has something to bring to the table, you can begin the process of accepting him EXACTLY as he is - an immature 30 something with little concern, empathy or respect for others.
perhaps instead of sticking around in the hopes that MAYBE he'll turn into a man you can respect and who has something to bring to the table, you can begin the process of accepting him EXACTLY as he is - an immature 30 something with little concern, empathy or respect for others.
I guess that's why I try to stick around...
Although he has emotionally cheated throughout our entire relationship (with his ex, in the forms of emails and texts) and when I physically left our house (not the relationship, just protecting my children from his negligence) he texted a girl about meeting up with her (although he never did) where does he get nerve to talk about loyalty. What planet is he living on?
H'es extremely spiritual, more than any man I know.
spirituality is LIVED in thought action and deed.
H'es extremely spiritual, more than any man I know.
spirituality is LIVED in thought action and deed.
Although he has emotionally cheated throughout our entire relationship (with his ex, in the forms of emails and texts) and when I physically left our house (not the relationship, just protecting my children from his negligence) he texted a girl about meeting up with her (although he never did) where does he get nerve to talk about loyalty. What planet is he living on?
H'es extremely spiritual, more than any man I know.
spirituality is LIVED in thought action and deed.
H'es extremely spiritual, more than any man I know.
spirituality is LIVED in thought action and deed.
He might, he might not. Some people do, some people don't.
Two months isn't very long in terms of recovery, and it probably will help you a whole lot if you aren't scrutinizing every action to see whether there are signs that he is or is not growing up.
Staring at a plant, or a child, or a recovering alcoholic, doesn't make it grow any faster. Growth happens (or not) on its own timeline.
Concentrate on your own growth and eventually you will decide whether you want to continue with the marriage.
Two months isn't very long in terms of recovery, and it probably will help you a whole lot if you aren't scrutinizing every action to see whether there are signs that he is or is not growing up.
Staring at a plant, or a child, or a recovering alcoholic, doesn't make it grow any faster. Growth happens (or not) on its own timeline.
Concentrate on your own growth and eventually you will decide whether you want to continue with the marriage.
He might, he might not. Some people do, some people don't.
Two months isn't very long in terms of recovery, and it probably will help you a whole lot if you aren't scrutinizing every action to see whether there are signs that he is or is not growing up.
Staring at a plant, or a child, or a recovering alcoholic, doesn't make it grow any faster. Growth happens (or not) on its own timeline.
Concentrate on your own growth and eventually you will decide whether you want to continue with the marriage.
Two months isn't very long in terms of recovery, and it probably will help you a whole lot if you aren't scrutinizing every action to see whether there are signs that he is or is not growing up.
Staring at a plant, or a child, or a recovering alcoholic, doesn't make it grow any faster. Growth happens (or not) on its own timeline.
Concentrate on your own growth and eventually you will decide whether you want to continue with the marriage.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 171
He's not getting it yet. Recovery is a lifestyle change - it's not just not drinking. A person really has to work on themselves and fundamentally change themselves and behavior so they can be a full person again.
He's playing the victim still, and you're kind of letting him by feeding into it. He's still being the active alcoholic with his behavior, which makes it seem like he's not really committed to recovery.
This is just my perception, but it seems like his posts on his social media pages are to both incite you and to paint the picture to the outside world that he's the victim because he's expecting an inevitable collapse of this marriage. He's kind of demonizing you in this world with the posts like "you can't force people to be with you." Sounds like he's throwing in the towel to me, with that kind of passive-aggressive behavior.
I'd strongly suggest following the advice of further detachment here, and concentrating on healing yourself. Either way, you do have your own healing to do. If he ever takes recovery seriously, you'll need to get back to "normal" yourself. If he doesn't, then you still need to regain yourself.
Concentrating on his childish, petty, and very passive-aggressive antics are getting you nowhere. Let him stew in the mess he's made of his life, and let him find his way out - that's what has to happen. You can concentrate on getting yourself out of that mess and becoming a healthy person again. And you should - after all, it's the expectation you have for him. You need to have it for yourself, too.
Best of luck.
He's playing the victim still, and you're kind of letting him by feeding into it. He's still being the active alcoholic with his behavior, which makes it seem like he's not really committed to recovery.
This is just my perception, but it seems like his posts on his social media pages are to both incite you and to paint the picture to the outside world that he's the victim because he's expecting an inevitable collapse of this marriage. He's kind of demonizing you in this world with the posts like "you can't force people to be with you." Sounds like he's throwing in the towel to me, with that kind of passive-aggressive behavior.
I'd strongly suggest following the advice of further detachment here, and concentrating on healing yourself. Either way, you do have your own healing to do. If he ever takes recovery seriously, you'll need to get back to "normal" yourself. If he doesn't, then you still need to regain yourself.
Concentrating on his childish, petty, and very passive-aggressive antics are getting you nowhere. Let him stew in the mess he's made of his life, and let him find his way out - that's what has to happen. You can concentrate on getting yourself out of that mess and becoming a healthy person again. And you should - after all, it's the expectation you have for him. You need to have it for yourself, too.
Best of luck.
He's not getting it yet. Recovery is a lifestyle change - it's not just not drinking. A person really has to work on themselves and fundamentally change themselves and behavior so they can be a full person again.
He's playing the victim still, and you're kind of letting him by feeding into it. He's still being the active alcoholic with his behavior, which makes it seem like he's not really committed to recovery.
This is just my perception, but it seems like his posts on his social media pages are to both incite you and to paint the picture to the outside world that he's the victim because he's expecting an inevitable collapse of this marriage. He's kind of demonizing you in this world with the posts like "you can't force people to be with you." Sounds like he's throwing in the towel to me, with that kind of passive-aggressive behavior.
I'd strongly suggest following the advice of further detachment here, and concentrating on healing yourself. Either way, you do have your own healing to do. If he ever takes recovery seriously, you'll need to get back to "normal" yourself. If he doesn't, then you still need to regain yourself.
Concentrating on his childish, petty, and very passive-aggressive antics are getting you nowhere. Let him stew in the mess he's made of his life, and let him find his way out - that's what has to happen. You can concentrate on getting yourself out of that mess and becoming a healthy person again. And you should - after all, it's the expectation you have for him. You need to have it for yourself, too.
Best of luck.
He's playing the victim still, and you're kind of letting him by feeding into it. He's still being the active alcoholic with his behavior, which makes it seem like he's not really committed to recovery.
This is just my perception, but it seems like his posts on his social media pages are to both incite you and to paint the picture to the outside world that he's the victim because he's expecting an inevitable collapse of this marriage. He's kind of demonizing you in this world with the posts like "you can't force people to be with you." Sounds like he's throwing in the towel to me, with that kind of passive-aggressive behavior.
I'd strongly suggest following the advice of further detachment here, and concentrating on healing yourself. Either way, you do have your own healing to do. If he ever takes recovery seriously, you'll need to get back to "normal" yourself. If he doesn't, then you still need to regain yourself.
Concentrating on his childish, petty, and very passive-aggressive antics are getting you nowhere. Let him stew in the mess he's made of his life, and let him find his way out - that's what has to happen. You can concentrate on getting yourself out of that mess and becoming a healthy person again. And you should - after all, it's the expectation you have for him. You need to have it for yourself, too.
Best of luck.
I am working on my recovery....making strides but still hitting some bumps along the way. Thank you!
Very true but we're all sinners and we all make mistakes too.
well of course, but you totally MISSED the point...you SAY he is the MOST spiritual man you have EVER met and i pointed out at least ONE area where he is anything but.....by having maintained a relationship with someone else throughout your marriage and texting another woman (funny, he just happened to have the number for another woman handy, isn't that just crazy ironic???) the MINUTE you left the house. if that is your idea of spiritual, you might want to rethink that a bit........THAT was my point.
well of course, but you totally MISSED the point...you SAY he is the MOST spiritual man you have EVER met and i pointed out at least ONE area where he is anything but.....by having maintained a relationship with someone else throughout your marriage and texting another woman (funny, he just happened to have the number for another woman handy, isn't that just crazy ironic???) the MINUTE you left the house. if that is your idea of spiritual, you might want to rethink that a bit........THAT was my point.
Very true but we're all sinners and we all make mistakes too.
well of course, but you totally MISSED the point...you SAY he is the MOST spiritual man you have EVER met and i pointed out at least ONE area where he is anything but.....by having maintained a relationship with someone else throughout your marriage and texting another woman (funny, he just happened to have the number for another woman handy, isn't that just crazy ironic???) the MINUTE you left the house. if that is your idea of spiritual, you might want to rethink that a bit........THAT was my point.
well of course, but you totally MISSED the point...you SAY he is the MOST spiritual man you have EVER met and i pointed out at least ONE area where he is anything but.....by having maintained a relationship with someone else throughout your marriage and texting another woman (funny, he just happened to have the number for another woman handy, isn't that just crazy ironic???) the MINUTE you left the house. if that is your idea of spiritual, you might want to rethink that a bit........THAT was my point.
Having a religious title/job doesn't make you spiritual.
Spirituality has to do with your relationship with God or with your Higher Power. That relationship can be damaged or broken. It's hard to judge what kind of relationship another person has with his/her Higher Power. But it is generally reflected in their actions toward others.
No, a single misstep (depending on what it is) does not mean someone isn't spiritual, but when it becomes habitual, it's a pretty good bet something is "off" in the spirituality department.
Spirituality has to do with your relationship with God or with your Higher Power. That relationship can be damaged or broken. It's hard to judge what kind of relationship another person has with his/her Higher Power. But it is generally reflected in their actions toward others.
No, a single misstep (depending on what it is) does not mean someone isn't spiritual, but when it becomes habitual, it's a pretty good bet something is "off" in the spirituality department.
Thank you for all your wisdom, very much appreciated!
Having a religious title/job doesn't make you spiritual.
Spirituality has to do with your relationship with God or with your Higher Power. That relationship can be damaged or broken. It's hard to judge what kind of relationship another person has with his/her Higher Power. But it is generally reflected in their actions toward others.
No, a single misstep (depending on what it is) does not mean someone isn't spiritual, but when it becomes habitual, it's a pretty good bet something is "off" in the spirituality department.
Spirituality has to do with your relationship with God or with your Higher Power. That relationship can be damaged or broken. It's hard to judge what kind of relationship another person has with his/her Higher Power. But it is generally reflected in their actions toward others.
No, a single misstep (depending on what it is) does not mean someone isn't spiritual, but when it becomes habitual, it's a pretty good bet something is "off" in the spirituality department.
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