slowclimb

So on the 28th I posted that AH called out from work because of his hangover. Yep it's a Monday morning a week and a half later and he has to do it again. He was so proud that he still had 4 vacation days left - now he's down to 2. Half his vacation days end up being hangover recovery so whatever.

I had already planned to go to a meeting a 10 this morning. And I will be.

I'm not angry but instead very sad. Sad for him, sad for me, sad for our marriage and our kids. It is so clear that alcohol has been winning. He has good intentions every morning and has been going to bed every night upset with himself and apologizing to me.

I have minimal expectations of him anymore as a husband, partner or father. I find myself putting more and more distance between us - physical and emotional. It really sucks but it is what is and I have no control over it or him.

Oh well....getting kiddo #2 onto the bus soon and I have a few chores to do before heading out at 9:30 for the meeting. Have a good day all.

Liveitwell

I'm sorry you are here but happy you see it for what it is. Sad that you have to lower your expectations to zero, eh?! I hope you have a great day!

Lilro

It's so sad when we get to the point of not having any expectations from our " partner" isn't it? What a horrible disease this is!
Hugs to you my friend, I wish you peace.

slowclimb

Struggling with having compassion and not losing my patience today. He didn't make it to work again. He has the shakes, has already had two shots of vodka and is in tears. I have to leave him alone today to meet with my father and his financial planner. While I honestly don't want to be around him, if he tries to abstain cold turkey from drinking it could turn real bad so I know he needs someone checking on him. Between driving and the meeting I should be gone about 2.5 to 3 hours.

I went to a meeting yesterday and all I could do was sit there and cry. I'm feeling so lost, so sad and so without hope. This is so exhausting

THippy

I'm so sorry, slowclimb. Big hugs to you!
I'm in the thick of it myself over here so I might be way off base here, but it seems a little hopeful that he feels remorseful about his addiction. Or maybe I've got that wrong. I don't know. I just know that my AH doesn't think he has a problem at all.
I fully expect that I'll cry my way through the first several meetings I go to. Maybe that's one of the reasons I hesitate to go.
I hope your day goes better than you expect.

slowclimb

He's been to rehab twice and we've gone through this trying to detox at home thing several times as well. Even after rehab he never followed through with recovery - no AA, no counseling. Was drinking again within two weeks both times.

I know he doesn't want to be this person and doesn't want to feel like this but he can't seem to fully break up with vodka. I'm coming to the conclusion that vodka is going to win and we're all going to lose. It sucks to feel so hopeless - yep I need more alanon

Don't hesitate to go and don't hesitate to talk to people before or after the meeting. I went to a newcomers meeting the first time (it started 1/2 hour before the regular meeting) and it was so helpful. I just started going again after not going for 6 months. All the scary emotions are there again like in the beginning. I'm not ready to share yet but I'm there and it's ok to cry.

dandylion

slowclimb.......on the other side of the coin.....I have heard people in AA say that "pain drives the train".....maybe, it is the pain that will, ultimately become his motivation.
Since he has been through this before, he knows where the help is and he knows what he has to do.
I don't know if he was pressured to go to detox/rehab in the past......but, perhaps if he becomes in so much pain that sobriety looks good, he will find it within himself to reach out for help....
Actually, he probably can't go to work now....because he would probably have to drink to keep the shakes away.....
I know it is so hard to watch.....but, I believe it is good that you know to keep your distance...... (Back up 200 feet).

dandylion

AnvilheadII

make sure he has a phone nearby and knows how to dial 911. i don't mean to sound cold or snarky, but you can't monitor him every minute or have people checking on him every time you leave, when he could concede defeat and get himself to the ER and then onward to a medically supervised detox and the path to sobriety. i very much understand that he is not in a good place physically......but that is still on him.

Liveitwell

If people keep stepping in to not let him fall, he may never feel the pain he needs to get sober. With enough pain, maybe he will choose a different way. Keep your head up and keep moving forward with YOUR life.