honeypig

NOVEMBER 7

You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."

Relationships

There is a gift for us in each relationship that comes our way.

Sometimes the gift is a behavior we're learning to acquire: detachment, self esteem, becoming confident enough to set a boundary, or owning our power in another way.

Some relationships trigger healing in us - healing from issues of the past or an issue we're facing today.

Sometimes we find ourselves learning the most important lessons from the people we least expect to help us. Relationships may teach us about loving ourselves or someone else. Or maybe we'll learn to let others love us.

Sometimes we aren't certain what lesson we're learning, especially while we're in the midst of the process. But we can trust that the lesson and the gift are there. We don't have to control this process. We'll understand when it's time. We can also trust that the gift is precisely what we need.

Today I'll be grateful for all my relationships. I will open myself to the lesson and the gift from each person in my life. I will trust that I, too, am a gift in the other people's lives.

©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.

FindingAmy

And as my husband moves out today, I thank him in my head. I thank the situation for forcing me to look at myself, my codependent behaviors and that I needed to take steps to heal these things in myself so I can move forward with healthier more respectable and loving relationships. Without my marriage to him and his alcoholism, his leaving, etc. I never would've been forced to take a hard look at myself. I am starting to see the lesson that was put in front of me. I can now begin to really let go.

Liveitwell

Amy, I hear ya! No matter what my ex has done I am forever grateful to have been married to him-I got to love and be loved AND finally learn how to overcome my codependency and start a new path for my girls away from our families alcoholism. I was forced to face myself and do every day. I wouldn't have faced those things had I not sunk so low with alcoholism/codependency I look forward to more loving honest healthy relationships as well.

honeypig

I can't say honestly that I'm grateful for all the crap. I'm not. I wish there could have been an "easier, softer way" (to quote from the AA Big Book) for me to learn my lessons. I could have done w/o the pain and deception and sorrow. Yep, I sure could have.

But I guess this was the path that was necessary.

FindingAmy

Honeypig, of course I could've also done without the lies, the pain, the deception, the sorrow, the heartache and everything else that goes along with divorcing an alcoholic. However, I do feel that had it not hurt so bad I might not have been forced to do the hard work on myself. Honestly, I might've let him stay, who knows. The pain was the exact kick in the a** I needed to start my own recovery. And for that I am grateful.

LexieCat

Whether it was "necessary" or not is sort of beside the point, in terms of recovery. The important thing is that it was the path that WAS.

There is some value in looking at the past, just so we understand where we could have done better, so we don't repeat the pattern. But a lot of time and emotional energy can go into worrying it to death, thinking about "what if" a different choice had been made at some earlier point. Even if you're not grateful for what happened, you can be grateful that you made the difficult decisions and did the hard work to make your life better. You have a new appreciation for your own strength and determination--I do, anyway. A lot of the things I've learned from my recovery serve me well in other areas of my life.

I think it's a matter of making the best use out of whatever happens to us.

honeypig

Absolutely. "We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it", again from the Big Book.