Al-Anon sponsor?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: SoCal
Posts: 73
Al-Anon sponsor?
I think it's time I sought out a sponsor to work the steps, as I need the kick in the butt to get started seriously. However, I'm at a loss how to decide who to ask (and a little apprehensive about actually doing the asking to be honest).
How did you decide who would be a good fit for you?
How did you decide who would be a good fit for you?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
What works for me is to do it the al-anon way; baby steps 
- I set aside several weeks and go to as many meetings as I can possibly squeeze in, especially meetings that I have never been to before. I listen to people share and pay attention to two specific issues:
1- Does this person have the kind of life I want to have?
2- How does this person support others in recovery? I give them points on a list.
- When they share how often do they use the "I" pronoun? If they say things like "I have worked the steps by doing..." then they get 1 point.
- Do they use the "we" statements? As in "we alanons all suffer from...". This is a minus 10 points because they are dispensing knowledge. I am not looking for knowledge, I can get that from a shrink.
- Do they tell people what to do with their life? Such as "You should go to more meetings." That is minus 100 points.
3- I choose 6 people that have the highest points, then ask each one out for coffee. Then I ask them to tell me how the program works for them, how it has made a difference in their lives. I keep quiet, let them show me if they have the life, and wisdom, that I am looking for.
4- After I've met all six I then take one off the list, and repeat the coffee with only 5, then 4, then 3, then 2.
About halfway thru the whole process I realize I have made several new friends, and one of them winds up as the obvious choice for sponsor. So far it has worked great, I've had several sponsors over the years and they all became lifelong friends.
Mike
- I set aside several weeks and go to as many meetings as I can possibly squeeze in, especially meetings that I have never been to before. I listen to people share and pay attention to two specific issues:
1- Does this person have the kind of life I want to have?
2- How does this person support others in recovery? I give them points on a list.
- When they share how often do they use the "I" pronoun? If they say things like "I have worked the steps by doing..." then they get 1 point.
- Do they use the "we" statements? As in "we alanons all suffer from...". This is a minus 10 points because they are dispensing knowledge. I am not looking for knowledge, I can get that from a shrink.
- Do they tell people what to do with their life? Such as "You should go to more meetings." That is minus 100 points.
3- I choose 6 people that have the highest points, then ask each one out for coffee. Then I ask them to tell me how the program works for them, how it has made a difference in their lives. I keep quiet, let them show me if they have the life, and wisdom, that I am looking for.
4- After I've met all six I then take one off the list, and repeat the coffee with only 5, then 4, then 3, then 2.
About halfway thru the whole process I realize I have made several new friends, and one of them winds up as the obvious choice for sponsor. So far it has worked great, I've had several sponsors over the years and they all became lifelong friends.
Mike
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
One of the Alanon meetings I go to asks for anyone willing to be a sponsor or answer questions about sponsorship to raise their hands. One week the topic was about sponsorship and someone's share really resonated with me. She raised her hand when the sponsor question was asked, and I talked to her after the meeting. She had me meet with her at another time, to talk a bit. Then she had me pray, meditate and give it at least 24 hrs to see if it felt right to me.
She's a wonderful sponsor for me. Not the one who I would have picked. She doesn't respond to me how I would have liked. I needed to step away from my comfort zone and be able to look at everything differently. She's the one I needed! I'm very grateful for my sponsor and the program.
I encouraged here to look at I statements. There are several people in my Alanon groups who's recovery I admire, yet occasionally will use "you". That's not what I was looking for, either.
Great ideas, Mike.
She's a wonderful sponsor for me. Not the one who I would have picked. She doesn't respond to me how I would have liked. I needed to step away from my comfort zone and be able to look at everything differently. She's the one I needed! I'm very grateful for my sponsor and the program.
I encouraged here to look at I statements. There are several people in my Alanon groups who's recovery I admire, yet occasionally will use "you". That's not what I was looking for, either.
Great ideas, Mike.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
I prayed to God to send me a good sponsor.
When she walked in, she had an aura about her and I knew right away. But I waited a few weeks before asking her. I listened to what she had to say and gotta know her a little bit.
Learning not to force things has been part of my recovery.
When she walked in, she had an aura about her and I knew right away. But I waited a few weeks before asking her. I listened to what she had to say and gotta know her a little bit.
Learning not to force things has been part of my recovery.
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