bhs171wife

Why would my husband of less than 1 year (october 25, 2003 wedding date)
newly in recovery (2 weeks) not want me to be with him during this time. yes many issues, separated since Feb of this year, after wich in July had a fling with co-worker (dispatcher) he is a plolice man on admin leave due to a "domestic" dispute with her., (and several other incidents involving his own department) I have never waivered in my love for him. Second alcholic I married (first husband and I were married 17 rs ago..divorced after only 1 year, he subsequently passed away in 1998due to his disease. I have 17 yrd old son from that marriage) and am sick of being put aside for his drinking and now his recovery! I dont want to end the marraige but am very sad, and confused. After spending weekend with me and his two boys( 6r old tiwns from previous marriage), he tells me he needs time and space for his recovery. He told my family he loves me and wants to be 100% ready to fix our marriage. Any advice? Dont know if he is using this as cop-out or is sincere. Prayed for his sobriety, left him alone, ready to divorce and then this happened of course he called her and told her before incident that he loved me and then she went bezerk...
Thanks

brightlight

my AH would be a fling. I would be flinging a lot of stuff and that is the one thing that would cause me to explode! My husband was a mess when we first married and I probably should not have married him when I did. He left me six months after we were married because "Things did not seem right." Two weeks later he was back and scared. I did not call him or anything and he was back. Then about two years later he left me and our daughter who was 1-1/2 years old. Did not tell me to my face like the first time. He said he was going to the Post Office and took both our paychecks and left. He cried on the phone and wanted to come home and he told me he knew he made a mistake as soon as he was out of town. He left the state, several states! When to his brother's house both times. He never left again and I do not think he ever will because on the phone that time I told him he left and now it was my decision if he ever came back! I did not beg him to come home like the first time. I told him it was not his decision this time. If he ever asks for space from me he will get it and he kind of has been doing that with his drinking, only I am not going to complain. I joined a bowling league and going to be gone more. He will be looking for me soon when I am done. He thinks I am going to sit at home 100 pounds overweight and worry. No more. I am on a mission to change for the better. He already is starting to be around more. Not so much fun when I am not looking for him or begging him to come home.

Magichappens

Hi bhs,
Welcome to SR. There are a lot of people here going through similar situations. It is painful and frustrating to see a loved one consumed by alcoholism. One of the first things I learned is that I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it. But we can begin to heal and find peace. This forum has many people who are sharing and successfully coping with alcoholism in their families. Al-Anon has been a big part of my recovery from the effects of alcoholism. To find a meeting in your area, http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/english.html and select "How to locate a meeting."

I am glad that you found this site. You will find that you aren't alone. You don't have to go through this alone. Feel free to post, reply, or just browse. We have all felt the fear, anxiety, and anger associated with a loved ones drinking. Many here are finding healtier and more serene ways to deal with it. I hope that you find some help here. There is hope for healing. Be sure to check out the power posts at the top of the forum. There is a lot of great information there. Please come and join us whenever you want. Hugs, Magic

cwohio

welcome bhs - there are many wise folks here who will tell you that you have to focus on you and not the ah. magic always gives good newcomer info about al-anon. look into it if you haven't already. i have an ah who i have been married to for 14 years. the program is helping me deal - altho i am fairly new to it.

we're all here to support each other - so post anytime!

cwohio