I'm an RA
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Amy - just chiming in love and support. We care about you and some of the struggles you are having don't have to be there. Please call your doctor - I promise with some help it can get much much easier. You are important to us and we want you to be happy and healthy! (((HUGS)))
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Amy......one thing that I do know about you is that you appreciate nature. Can I suggest this.....make a baby step.....go outside, into your yard....and sit out there for a while. Let your soul be touched by the peacefulness of nature all around you. Nature has its own rhythm. Sit out there land let yourself begin to feel the rhythm.....
Do it every day.....and feel proud of yourself for doing this.....
I think that you could use the comfort of sitting with a very kind and compassionate lady who you can just talk to about how you are feeling. No judgement....just one human listening to another human.....
A simple, genuine human connection.....
Can you picture how that would feel......
I think it would be so wonderful for you.....
Baby steps, girl....baby steps....
dandylion
Do it every day.....and feel proud of yourself for doing this.....
I think that you could use the comfort of sitting with a very kind and compassionate lady who you can just talk to about how you are feeling. No judgement....just one human listening to another human.....
A simple, genuine human connection.....
Can you picture how that would feel......
I think it would be so wonderful for you.....
Baby steps, girl....baby steps....
dandylion
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I just wanted to join in to say that I too am concerned about you and that I hope you will reach out for some help.
Have you looked up online for Agoraphobia support groups?
I would also suggest that you call 211 (the community support line and see if there are any resources in your neck of the woods).
I am having internet problems (tethering from cell here) but later when >hopefully< my internet is back on, I will pm you with a couple of safe sites where you can watch tv shows and movies for free from your computer.
You are always so supportive of others here and I am glad you have reached out for our support and I truly hope you will listen to our suggestion to seek help.
You are valuable and you are loved.
Have you looked up online for Agoraphobia support groups?
I would also suggest that you call 211 (the community support line and see if there are any resources in your neck of the woods).
I am having internet problems (tethering from cell here) but later when >hopefully< my internet is back on, I will pm you with a couple of safe sites where you can watch tv shows and movies for free from your computer.
You are always so supportive of others here and I am glad you have reached out for our support and I truly hope you will listen to our suggestion to seek help.
You are valuable and you are loved.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Hi Ann Marie -- I can't add to the wisdom of this thread but I wanted to throw my love and support into the ring with the others. You are an incredibly important voice here and we all care about you very much. SR is a great place for everyday support, but sometimes we need more than that, and it's okay. We love you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Amy, you are one of the sweetest souls on SoberRecovery. We value you, we cherish you, and we want you to feel that way about yourself.
I know on the alcoholics side of SR, they often ask someone who having difficulty "What is your plan?" Just one little step forward at a time could help you a lot. What about talking with your friends who you see each week? Maybe someone there could take you to a doctor's appointment, and their company will make you feel safe and protected.
You have been invaluable for some many people's emotional health and recovery on this site. Please let us be there for you now.
ShootingStar1
I know on the alcoholics side of SR, they often ask someone who having difficulty "What is your plan?" Just one little step forward at a time could help you a lot. What about talking with your friends who you see each week? Maybe someone there could take you to a doctor's appointment, and their company will make you feel safe and protected.
You have been invaluable for some many people's emotional health and recovery on this site. Please let us be there for you now.
ShootingStar1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I didn't disappear. I tried to fix my cable problem with my TV and lost my internet connection. I haven't read anything yet, just didn't want anyone to be worried. There were just too many wires and I messed them all up. Going to read now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
OK, panic time is over. I did get my internet back. I'll also be labeling all of those wires shortly. (lol) I knew that I was still logged on here, but I couldn't reply, and that might have gotten people concerned. I deal with the TV later.
I realized while having no internet, that I don't have phone numbers. I throw all of my phone books out because the print is so little I can't see it anyway. I also throw out all of my manuals for how to fix things, because geez I can get that off the internet. Now I know what happens when the internet goes down. I'm lost without internet.
I don't have a GP. When I threw my back out I went to a clinic. I'm afraid of doctors. Last time I was going regularly was when I had cancer.
I've been thinking of going to a GP, but it mostly had to do with my insomnia, and I know they will give me something, but it's really hard for me to accept that I might need a prescription. Most of those prescription sleep aids come with a warning that they might cause suicidal thoughts. Well, I don't need anymore of that. I still blame God for not taking me with my cancer. But, that would have been the easy way out.
I'm just a mess right now, but I promise that I will just stay here and read and post.
I don't know if I can tell my friend how I feel. She already had to pick me up from the ER in 2010, when I called 911 on myself. At least I know I can and would call 911.
So, what am I happy for today. It's that I got my internet back !!!!! and that I have a safe place to be.
Thank you all
amy
I realized while having no internet, that I don't have phone numbers. I throw all of my phone books out because the print is so little I can't see it anyway. I also throw out all of my manuals for how to fix things, because geez I can get that off the internet. Now I know what happens when the internet goes down. I'm lost without internet.
I don't have a GP. When I threw my back out I went to a clinic. I'm afraid of doctors. Last time I was going regularly was when I had cancer.
I've been thinking of going to a GP, but it mostly had to do with my insomnia, and I know they will give me something, but it's really hard for me to accept that I might need a prescription. Most of those prescription sleep aids come with a warning that they might cause suicidal thoughts. Well, I don't need anymore of that. I still blame God for not taking me with my cancer. But, that would have been the easy way out.
I'm just a mess right now, but I promise that I will just stay here and read and post.
I don't know if I can tell my friend how I feel. She already had to pick me up from the ER in 2010, when I called 911 on myself. At least I know I can and would call 911.
So, what am I happy for today. It's that I got my internet back !!!!! and that I have a safe place to be.
Thank you all
amy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Amy, I think that friends are here for us when we need them, and part of being a friend is sharing when we need each other. That's what draws people close and keeps them close - having people we trust who love us and know the truth about us.
Friendship is giving, and you do that without limit, AND it is also about sharing and needing others. Why not give your friend a call and see how she feels about listening to you?
And, going to a doctor is not just about sleeping pills and insomnia - it is also about emotional health. You are in a healthy loving community here on SR, AND it is also worthwhile and necessary to have people other than virtual friends know about what is real for you right now.
You reach out to people here when they need you, and it is okay and important for you to reach out to people when you need them. That's what builds the reciprocity of true friendship - taking and giving, both.
Talking to a trained counsellor in grief, addiction, and recovery would make a world of difference for you. I know it has helped me progress so much through the trauma and into a happier, solid place. Will you give it a try?
ShootingStar1
Friendship is giving, and you do that without limit, AND it is also about sharing and needing others. Why not give your friend a call and see how she feels about listening to you?
And, going to a doctor is not just about sleeping pills and insomnia - it is also about emotional health. You are in a healthy loving community here on SR, AND it is also worthwhile and necessary to have people other than virtual friends know about what is real for you right now.
You reach out to people here when they need you, and it is okay and important for you to reach out to people when you need them. That's what builds the reciprocity of true friendship - taking and giving, both.
Talking to a trained counsellor in grief, addiction, and recovery would make a world of difference for you. I know it has helped me progress so much through the trauma and into a happier, solid place. Will you give it a try?
ShootingStar1
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
((((Hugs)))) Amy, I also want to give you my love and support.
I am worried about you and I do think you may find it helpful to reach out to a friend, or can you go to your local clinic for support.
Has something happened to trigger your anxiety and agoraphobia, it wasn't long ago you were talking about volunteer work With those who have experienced domestic violence.
I am worried about you and I do think you may find it helpful to reach out to a friend, or can you go to your local clinic for support.
Has something happened to trigger your anxiety and agoraphobia, it wasn't long ago you were talking about volunteer work With those who have experienced domestic violence.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Still lots messed up here but getting better. My phone rang today, and I didn't want to answer it, but I did. It was my mother. We had a really good conversation for over an hour. Nothing about anything really. I have that wedding on Friday. My mom is coming in for it. It's in Long Beach Island NJ. Close to a 3 1/2 hour trip for me. I'll be staying with my mom at the reception place. They have 7 bedrooms upstairs, It's like a mansion type thing that you rent for the day. So, I don't even have to pay for this room.
Anyway, I reminded myself that 5 years ago, when I was being told that I called CPS on my daughter, my mother had called me up screaming at me. I didn't take that phone call. I was doing wash, and never heard the phone ring. It was a voice message that was left, that I never listened to. As soon as I saw I had a missed phone call, I called her back. Without hearing anything else, my mom told me that she believed me. She told me that I wouldn't have been able to call her back if I had done, what I was accused of doing.
I didn't bring this up with my mom, it was just really great to hear her voice. Also making plans to meet up with her again while she is in NJ for 2 weeks.
Another thing to be grateful for today.
amy
PS: I really am sorry that my thoughts are really disjointed today and yesterday.
Anyway, I reminded myself that 5 years ago, when I was being told that I called CPS on my daughter, my mother had called me up screaming at me. I didn't take that phone call. I was doing wash, and never heard the phone ring. It was a voice message that was left, that I never listened to. As soon as I saw I had a missed phone call, I called her back. Without hearing anything else, my mom told me that she believed me. She told me that I wouldn't have been able to call her back if I had done, what I was accused of doing.
I didn't bring this up with my mom, it was just really great to hear her voice. Also making plans to meet up with her again while she is in NJ for 2 weeks.
Another thing to be grateful for today.
amy
PS: I really am sorry that my thoughts are really disjointed today and yesterday.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
I sometimes find myself sinking into agorophobia. Seeing a therapist weekly has been really helpful in getting me through it. It's good during the times that I'm hiding away to at least be forced to go out and have a face to face conversation with someone once a week, and it has helped me to get over my fear that I'm so out of it or crazy that I've lost the ability to relate to people. I sometimes tell myself when I'm feeling low that I can make it without face to face interaction, and that I don't really need more than the internet, but I recognize when I'm feeling well that isolation really does have a negative effect on me. There is something about the act of speaking and being heard that is so healing.
Amy, I hope you will seriously consider other people's suggestions that you start seeing someone, and take those suggestions in the loving way that they are meant. People here care about you and want to help you find ways to cope. You said last night that you like it when we give you a kick in the pants, so here we are, kicking! I would suggest that it doesn't matter so much whether you find a counselor who coddles you or is tough on you. Just the act of spending an hour a week chatting with someone about how you're feeling can be incredibly healing.
Amy, I hope you will seriously consider other people's suggestions that you start seeing someone, and take those suggestions in the loving way that they are meant. People here care about you and want to help you find ways to cope. You said last night that you like it when we give you a kick in the pants, so here we are, kicking! I would suggest that it doesn't matter so much whether you find a counselor who coddles you or is tough on you. Just the act of spending an hour a week chatting with someone about how you're feeling can be incredibly healing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Ok, I was going to go to an Alanon group tomorrow. I've been researching this. I can't seem to find one that isn't 25 miles away. Looked into DV support. I know that is about 30 miles away from me. My zip code is 18222. I am researching therapist right now, but I know that will be at least 2 weeks away from now. I'm not good with therapists. I tend to lie to them, and tell them that I am doing good, when I'm not.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I do kinda live out in the sticks. There are no teaching schools around here. If there was it would be in a bigger town like Scranton, or Allentown. Not anywhere near me. I moved here because I could afford here. My house taxes are only about $1200 a year. There really isn't any public transportation here.
I moved here because I wanted to hide out in the woods
amy
I moved here because I wanted to hide out in the woods
amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
Good for you for taking the initiative, Amy! Do you have health insurance? It would be great to get in to see a therapist, and in the mean time find a meeting you could attend. I have found meetings so welcoming. It's easier for me to commit to going during the day. By evening I am really over going out. And especially if you have to take a drive. Maybe you could find some way to enjoy the drive, get a book on tape or some music you like to sing along to. Might you consider AA meetings, too? My experience in AA meetings was that I wasn't the only one who isolated after giving up drinking and struggled to make it to meetings, and I found a few buddies when I was starting out who would agree to meet me at a meeting. Anyway, any meeting would be great!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
Here are a couple lists of AA meetings in your area. Many of them are during the day. If you look at the second link, there are some in Berwick during the day. Those seem to be pretty close to you...
http://aaintergroupnepa.org/pdf/meet...ty10012015.pdf
Meeting Schedule of District #59 - Tuesday
http://aaintergroupnepa.org/pdf/meet...ty10012015.pdf
Meeting Schedule of District #59 - Tuesday
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Berwick is about 40 minutes away from me. I would consider this. I would just have to go there one time before then to see who goes to the meetings. I have no objection to AA. I went once and I was 13 stepped. I would like to see females going there also.
I live in a "hick" town. Berwick may have more respectable people there. Where I live they only go, because they have to go.
I will agree that since I can't find Alanon, or anything else around me like that, AA would be a good choice. I really do qualify for that also.
I do have insurance. I have BC/BS. I have been searching for therapist in this area that accept that. I'm a little choosy with therapist. I never liked any of mine. I did like the Psychologist that I asked my ex to go to. I also went to him a few times. He is in NJ, and I'm now in Pa. He's 2 hours away from me. I think I told you that I lie to therapist, this guy called me out on everything. He called me right out on my codependency. He started immediately with me on how to say "NO". That's who I want, he is just so far away now. I did look him up again, and he takes my insurance. I'm still looking for someone closer to where I live, but I need them to be an "in your face" type person, or I will just lie my way through the sessions.
For now, I can't believe that I would say this, but I am going to go to Sunday Mass, and join a church.
amy
I live in a "hick" town. Berwick may have more respectable people there. Where I live they only go, because they have to go.
I will agree that since I can't find Alanon, or anything else around me like that, AA would be a good choice. I really do qualify for that also.
I do have insurance. I have BC/BS. I have been searching for therapist in this area that accept that. I'm a little choosy with therapist. I never liked any of mine. I did like the Psychologist that I asked my ex to go to. I also went to him a few times. He is in NJ, and I'm now in Pa. He's 2 hours away from me. I think I told you that I lie to therapist, this guy called me out on everything. He called me right out on my codependency. He started immediately with me on how to say "NO". That's who I want, he is just so far away now. I did look him up again, and he takes my insurance. I'm still looking for someone closer to where I live, but I need them to be an "in your face" type person, or I will just lie my way through the sessions.
For now, I can't believe that I would say this, but I am going to go to Sunday Mass, and join a church.
amy
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