My dad
 

My dad drinks beer every night. He always has. I remember a brief period of time, when I was a teenager, and he had some health complications, that he didn’t… but other than that, every single night.
I don’t know how many he drinks… it never occurred to me to count or even wonder really. That was just what he did. Dad always had/has a Coors in his hand after work, and on the weekends. He sometimes gets silly, embarrassing, annoying, and he says things that are insulting… but he doesn’t intend for them to be that way… and then usually falls asleep on the couch, but he was never abusive. He’s never yelled at me, and I’ve never heard him yell at my mother, or say anything negative about her or to her. He doesn’t go to the bar.

The reason I’m writing this… I’ve been staying at my parent’s house for a week now, and well, my dad is just, kind of hard for me to be around now.
A couple of months ago I was staying there for a while too, and that is part of the reason, or one of the excuses I made to myself I guess, to leave, and go back to AH.

I love my dad very much, and he has always provided/supported/done the best he could…so I feel guilty that I feel this way, but he really bugs the s*** out of me after he’s had a few, at about 6 pm.

My view on alcohol is different now, after living with AH and his alcoholism… I guess I just don’t really want to be around it at all anymore.
I feel like the kids and I have gone from living with one drunk to another…

I’m not going to let this be my excuse to go back to AH again.
I don’t know what I’m looking for as far as responses… I just wanted to get it out, I guess.

Thanks for listening.

Just wanted to share that I understand-my dad is an alcoholic as well...and one of the main reasons I do not take my kids to visit my parents is because of my dad's awful behavior when drinking (when they come here to visit they both know there is no alcohol in my house-I've told him it is his choice but if he wants to drink, he can leave). I too am disgusted being around drinking-as an ACOA, former alcohol abuser myself, ex spouse of alcoholic, etc, etc-I've seen up close and personal what drinking can do and it's just not ok. Your feelings are valid. Do you have anywhere else you could stay just so you would be in a better mindset to take care of yourself?!
Peace to you!

Are your only options at present your parents' home or your AH?

I am really sorry you have to deal with this right now. It isn't fun. But, you and the kids are safe. With your husband you aren't. Not now, not ever. Your husband is an abuser. That has nothing to do with alcoholism. They are two separate issues he has. It is imperative you understand, drunk or sober your husband is an abuser a n d you aren't safe around him.

What Sparkle said....do you have any other alternatives??

I cannot imagine. The relief of getting a drunk out of my house was absolutely immense. I don't know what I would do if I ever had to immerse myself into that again, even on a different, non-abusive way.

Many, many hugs to you.

Thank you :)
We are safe, yes, and that is the most important thing.

If it were just me, without the kids, I could probably do some "couch surfing" and/or stay in a motel, and I could do that if I absolutely had to with them, but I feel like this is the best, most stable option for the kids right now.
The boys just think their grandpa is goofy, and he makes them laugh... so that's okay.

My mom works at a restaurant at night that just closed for the winter... so she will be home at nights now... so that will help.

I really just want to go home... but without AH there.
I had asked AH to leave by 11/5, which is next week. I told him that I would file with the Court a request for an immediate move-out order if he did not do so, based on his recent abuse and damage to my home that I have documented.
He told me the other day that he knows he will not be able to find/afford a place by then. He told me he's "working on" selling his boat and guitar for money for a deposit.....

He thinks if I file with the Court, they'll run his history, find out he has a warrant, and he'll be arrested. He's scared to go back to jail. So I do think he will leave before then, as long as I don't back down....

Then we'll help you find the strength to not back down. :)

You deserve peace and in your own home.

^^ absolutely! We will be your strength, Kboys!!

Kboys- I am also very hesitant being around alcoholics. They really turn my stomach. I just don't care to be in their presence. My life has been forever changed by loving an addict.

Hugs my friend, as you are following Gods plan!!

Glad you are safe, kboys! Honestly, I think your husband is quacking (poor me, gotta sell my guitar, boat, *sniff sniff*, and Aunty Alberta's golden music box), so you have your agenda and you only have to make sure you do what you say you gonna do. Do not back down and do not go back.

As for your father, I am really sorry, but . . . when you really think about it, he is not abusive, you can still try to detach (I understand it might be extra hard because you are so traumatized), and November 5th is right around the corner. And the most important, you are safe.

Kboys, I can identify. My father was an alcoholic--he died years ago from the health consequences of his addiction. He worked hard all his life and supported us in comfort, but he was emotionally unavailable and sometimes a real jerk. I realize looking back that dealing with him when I was a kid is one of the ways that I learned to accept unacceptable behavior, and one of the reasons that I chose a series of addicted boyfriends as an adult. It does sound like your dad is the lesser of two evils at this point, but that doesn't mean you don't have a right to feel uncomfortable about his drinking. Hold tight, it sounds like you are on the verge of getting your AH out so that you can finally live in a peaceful home!!

Don't back down Kboys. The money issue is his problem, let him figure that out.

XXX

Thanks everybody.
I'm still holding my ground, though it is more difficult this week, as he continues to play Mr. Nice Guy, and doesn't seem to be drinking as far as I can tell, from the interactions I have had with him. (because he's out of money until payday)
I do know this will not last... and I keep reminding myself of that.

He wants to go with the boys and me on Friday afternoon for downtown "safe trick or treat". I do not want to keep him from the kids, and I think, as long as he's sober, it's good for them to see each other... but it makes it a lot harder for me to not want to fall back into our old routines..... we'll see if he keeps up the nice guy act until then anyway.

Thanks so much for being here!!!