I'm in muddle!
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Join Date: Sep 2015
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I'm in muddle!
I left ah , he's been great wit kids seeing them etc. I havnt seen his drunk eyes...drunk gross ness...just the sober guy. All good.. first time in 5 months I saw his drunk eyes drunk when he had kids the other night as he needed something for them at bedtime. Its really affected me seeing him drunk...he's not overly bad drunk but def 10-20 beers, why is this bothering me? I know bedtime comes and he Carry's on drinking while they sleep. But I hate seeing him like that. Today was a holiday so he drinking beer in sun when I picked kids up...he was in such a great talky mood as he'd had beers again...it affected me, I hate how it affects me 
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I saw his drunk eyes drunk when he had kids the other night as he needed something for them at bedtime. Its really affected me seeing him drunk...he's not overly bad drunk but def 10-20 beers, why is this bothering me? I know bedtime comes and he Carry's on drinking while they sleep.
Perhaps you could focus that disgust on making sure your Ex no longer has your kids overnight or at all without supervised visitation at the very least. I'd be way more concerned that a drunk was tending to my children. If he drinks that much I doubt he would be conscience to even hear your children at night much less help them if they were sick. No way no how.
Perhaps you could focus that disgust on making sure your Ex no longer has your kids overnight or at all without supervised visitation at the very least. I'd be way more concerned that a drunk was tending to my children. If he drinks that much I doubt he would be conscience to even hear your children at night much less help them if they were sick. No way no how.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Helly,
I agree with red, how old r your children. Are they safe? There would be no way that I would leave my kids with some one who was wasted every night what if there was a fire..
I think you need to re evaluate the safety of your children.
I agree with red, how old r your children. Are they safe? There would be no way that I would leave my kids with some one who was wasted every night what if there was a fire..
I think you need to re evaluate the safety of your children.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
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^^ I'm sorry to be blunt but here goes...there is no point in having a conversation with him, period. He is an alcoholic and by definition is living in his own reality. Therefore you two are speaking two different languages. He will not and cannot understand you and your feelings or even how his actions could seriously impair his judgment as a parent. And he may be arrogant enough to not care! And he will lie, that is a for sure thing, I learned this the very long and hard way after many many years of having "conversations" with my husband at the time. Stop focusing on him...put the focus on you. What can you do to ensure your kids are safe? Don't worry about his reaction to your boundaries and measures you take to protect your kids (you'll most likely be met with a lot of anger and harsh words). What can YOU do to take care of yourself and the kids? That's worth pursuing.
Wish you nothing but peace and joy!
Wish you nothing but peace and joy!
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Join Date: Sep 2015
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Thank you PLEASE BE BLUNT!! I need it I want help, I have no idea how to approach him, obviously all our marriage issues was about his drinking and now I'm bringing it up again re our kids grrr. And he is not going to be happy about that one as we know when someone is in such denial.
My kids love staying with him, so much, and he is a fab dad to them, but at night drinking alone quietly I don't think they would know. They 8 7 and 3.
But anyway I know he's just going to say I don't drink much when I have them he's just going to lie lie . I hate this so much.
My kids love staying with him, so much, and he is a fab dad to them, but at night drinking alone quietly I don't think they would know. They 8 7 and 3.
But anyway I know he's just going to say I don't drink much when I have them he's just going to lie lie . I hate this so much.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
((((Helly))))
I promised myself I would never allow AH to be alone with the kids if he had been drinking even "a little" after a couple of horrible experiences doing so. I would never ever forgive myself if something happened.
Even if his intentions are good, and he's a "fab dad," 10-20 beers is a lot.
If something were to happen, and CPS or law enforcement were called, YOU could be held liable, if they knew you were aware of the excessive drinking and did nothing about it.
Are the visits court-ordered?
I promised myself I would never allow AH to be alone with the kids if he had been drinking even "a little" after a couple of horrible experiences doing so. I would never ever forgive myself if something happened.
Even if his intentions are good, and he's a "fab dad," 10-20 beers is a lot.
If something were to happen, and CPS or law enforcement were called, YOU could be held liable, if they knew you were aware of the excessive drinking and did nothing about it.
Are the visits court-ordered?
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Hi Helly,
Your OP has to do with how his drinking affects you. How it makes you feel.
Their drinking can affect us on a very physical level. PTSD is not unusual in those of us that have lived with an addict, as are a slew of other health issues. I can still remember the way my body would feel each time I realized that my husband was on a bender. First my arms would begin to tingle, then my vision would start to tunnel and my breathing would become fast and shallow, couldn't eat anything. It was classic signs of "fight or flight". I was just like an little animal caught in a trap, watching the hunter sharpen his knife.
Right now you're still reacting to the (very real) fact that when your husband has your children they are in danger. Whether he's capable of being a great father or not, he certainly isn't when he's three sheets to the wind. Of course it affects you. You care about your children.
I think, as you go through the necessary process of securing your children's safety, you're going to feel these affects less and less. His drinking, if he's not responsible for the children, will cease to be your problem. It might continue to make you sad. But that sickening feeling will hopefully diminish.
Your OP has to do with how his drinking affects you. How it makes you feel.
Their drinking can affect us on a very physical level. PTSD is not unusual in those of us that have lived with an addict, as are a slew of other health issues. I can still remember the way my body would feel each time I realized that my husband was on a bender. First my arms would begin to tingle, then my vision would start to tunnel and my breathing would become fast and shallow, couldn't eat anything. It was classic signs of "fight or flight". I was just like an little animal caught in a trap, watching the hunter sharpen his knife.
Right now you're still reacting to the (very real) fact that when your husband has your children they are in danger. Whether he's capable of being a great father or not, he certainly isn't when he's three sheets to the wind. Of course it affects you. You care about your children.
I think, as you go through the necessary process of securing your children's safety, you're going to feel these affects less and less. His drinking, if he's not responsible for the children, will cease to be your problem. It might continue to make you sad. But that sickening feeling will hopefully diminish.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
Hi Helly,
I just re-read my response to you, and it sounded more harsh than I meant for it to sound. I hope I didn't offend you.
It's so hard when kids are involved! It sounds like you're taking the right steps to ensure their safety.
Their drinking can affect us on a very physical level. PTSD is not unusual in those of us that have lived with an addict, as are a slew of other health issues. I can still remember the way my body would feel each time I realized that my husband was on a bender. First my arms would begin to tingle, then my vision would start to tunnel and my breathing would become fast and shallow, couldn't eat anything. It was classic signs of "fight or flight". I was just like an little animal caught in a trap, watching the hunter sharpen his knife.
That is a great description SK! I felt that way exactly. Even when AH was being "nice," as soon as I started to see the signs of drunkenness, I would get that same physical reaction... It's horrible.
I just re-read my response to you, and it sounded more harsh than I meant for it to sound. I hope I didn't offend you.
It's so hard when kids are involved! It sounds like you're taking the right steps to ensure their safety.
Their drinking can affect us on a very physical level. PTSD is not unusual in those of us that have lived with an addict, as are a slew of other health issues. I can still remember the way my body would feel each time I realized that my husband was on a bender. First my arms would begin to tingle, then my vision would start to tunnel and my breathing would become fast and shallow, couldn't eat anything. It was classic signs of "fight or flight". I was just like an little animal caught in a trap, watching the hunter sharpen his knife.
That is a great description SK! I felt that way exactly. Even when AH was being "nice," as soon as I started to see the signs of drunkenness, I would get that same physical reaction... It's horrible.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Houston, Texas
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Meeting with a social worker is a good idea. Getting some legal guidelines and boundaries with the children also is. This isn't about keeping your kids from their father - it's about providing and promoting safe boundaries on their behalf.
My sister had an AH and the visitations with the children could sometimes turn nightmarish. They wanted to see their dad, but were also put in serious predicaments. You don't want your child calling because dad is passed out on the lawn and they're locked out of the house. You don't want your child calling because they're driving to the store and are afraid for their life.
I like the analogy above - if your babysitter showed up drunk, would she still be watching your kids that night? Drunk is drunk, whether it's dad or babysitter. It's still impaired and dangerous for the kids to be around unsupervised and unchecked.
My sister had an AH and the visitations with the children could sometimes turn nightmarish. They wanted to see their dad, but were also put in serious predicaments. You don't want your child calling because dad is passed out on the lawn and they're locked out of the house. You don't want your child calling because they're driving to the store and are afraid for their life.
I like the analogy above - if your babysitter showed up drunk, would she still be watching your kids that night? Drunk is drunk, whether it's dad or babysitter. It's still impaired and dangerous for the kids to be around unsupervised and unchecked.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
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Hi kboys....no your response not harsh its cool I'm going to sort stuff its just hard, looking forward to seeing the social worker, to get advice on to handle this the best way with putting kids first thanks.
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