premedbails

So I remembered I left my battery charger for my moped in my ex's garage. It wasn't cheap and my father gave it to me as a present, so I really want it back. I also need it to be able to start up my moped in the spring.

He texted me about drinking glasses a few weeks ago that I took when I moved out (even though I paid for them...). I never replied to that text, and now I feel silly because I need my charger back and he'd probably ask for those stupid glasses back if I asked him for the charger. I don't want to text him because I think it would derail me and my progress of moving on.

Also we paid rent a month in advance there, so he owes me $300 and my deposit...which I know I'll never get back but it irritates me that he's asking for glasses when he has hundreds of dollars of mine.

Would it be immature to have a friend stop by and ask for it back? Is there another way I should go about it? Sorry if this sounds petty, but I just know if I talk to him/see him again I would be really upset.

TimeForMe

Is it about the $300, the deposit, and the glasses for you? Or is it the principle of it? Let's say for argument's sake that the total value of these things is $1,000. Is your peace of mind worth $1,000?

I heard a saying once; "Any problem that can be solved by money isn't a problem." Meaning, if you never get the deposit or $300, or even the charger back, but you are not upset because you didn't have to see him, is that worth it? Can you live without ever seeing that stuff again? Only you can answer that.

It's irritating, for sure. It's not petty; it's how you feel.

Sending you strength.

dandylion

premedbails.....I say to put on your big girl pants and ask for the money and charger back. That is a significant amount of money for most people.
Give him back the damn glasses---to hold them back WOULD be petty, I think.
I read in another of your posts (I think)....that you saw him recently and just felt pain and disgust.
Keep it brief and civil....if he tries more than that....just detach and leave.....
That is the way a mature person handles it......

LOL....I don't think that the charger is all that y ou left behind.
You have left a life of heartbreak and dissolusionment behind.

dandylion

premedbails

I just want the battery charger back...my father and I like to fix mopeds together and it has sentimental value, as silly as that sounds. It's the principle of it that bothers me...that he has the nerve to ask for drinking glasses when he has hundreds of dollars of mine.

SparkleKitty

If you have a friend you feel comfortable asking to go get the charger for you, then ask them to do that.

Yes, it is stupidly unfair that he expects to get what he wants without giving you what he owes. Such is life with an active addict. If you can afford to let it go, then let it go for your own peace of mind and consider it the cost of getting out disentangled from this man as soon as possible.

Sungrl

Get back your charger, give him the glasses and walk away knowing you are done with his ****.

Peace of mind is priceless.

dandylion

premedbails......there is no point in getting your feathers up in the air because a addict has a "nerve". Of COURSE they have a nerve.....and a an uncountable number of other bad things. Is't this the guy who berated you while you were cowering in a corner, begging him to stop? And, you are surprised and indignant that he has a "nerve?"
I suspect that you haven't completed your grieving and breaking your bonding with him. It is not uncommon for the partner to take a long time to accept that the addict (or alcoholic) either cannot or will not behave like a normal healthy person in relationships. They often behave like self centered toddlers.

Of course, he has a nerve.....but, your expectations of him are out of l ine with who he really is.

I say to exchange the possessions with a stiff upper lip.

Don't drag out the relationship over material things.

dandylion

atalose

Is your name on the lease? On the paperwork showing a deposit was held?

Why not text him and say you will be dropping off his drinking glasses and while you are there go into the garage and get your mope charger.

I wouldn't tell him ahead of time about the charger, he's an addict, he may sell it!!!

jjj111

I lived with a guy for a few years who over that time ended up owing me a lot of money. I paid rent, I paid bail. He had promised me I could have custody of our cat, which had been his before we met. In the end I decided to let it all go because I valued my freedom more. It wasn't right or fair, but it got me something priceless.

Just curious, how much is the moped charger worth?

Eauchiche

I too left stuff at my ex's including plants and animals. I asked to borrow one of 15 cats for the weekend this last summer. The response was so volatile, I decided to let everything go.

If he threatens to walk away from the house, which he has done twice this year, I will hire help to get everything out, including my cat.

Until then, I am like the rest of you. My sanity is worth more than the stuff.

AnvilheadII

Also we paid rent a month in advance there, so he owes me $300 and my deposit.

when he has hundreds of dollars of mine

so did WE jointly pay rent and put down the deposit?

i just did a quick search on moped/scooter battery chargers and they are like dirt cheap. i realize your dad gave it to you as a gift, but is that REALLY what is bugging you here???

redatlanta

"The Principal of it" should be chapter 1 in the Codie handbook.

That old saying "Possession is 9/10 Law" is relevant here. I don't think this is going to work out the way you really want it to which is that you keep the glasses (you paid for), you get your deposit back, and you get your charger back. My gut tells me that you will have to give the glasses back in order to get anything you want. Whether or not its both the deposit and the charger who knows - my guess is you will only get the charger (if its still there).

Why not send a text saying "have the glasses. would like to get my deposit and need moped charger please" and see what response you get.

Decide what's more importaant to you - if its "the principal" then keep the glasses and move on . If its the charger swap it out and walk away.

premedbails

Thank you all for your responses.

It's probably best that I just accept that I'm not going to see the charger or my money again. I guess I just had a small sliver of hope that he would act like a mature human being about this...but I'm just kidding myself.

I haven't talked to him in weeks, and I've been hoping that he's been getting better and doing well without me. But if he was getting better he'd probably let me know, and he hasn't.

Yes, I'm guilty as charged for my codependency in this situation.

jjj111

It's not easy to let go of that anger about the injustice of it all. I think you're taking it pretty well. I still get angry sometimes thinking about the money my ex owes me. But then I feel grateful that I didn't have kids with him as I once wanted to do! I also have to admit that it gave me a good lesson in why I needed to be more careful about the behavior I tolerated in the future.