honeypig

OCTOBER 22

You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."

Holding Your Own

Trust yourself. Trust what you know.

Sometimes it is hard to stand in our own truth and trust what we know, especially when others would try to convince us otherwise.

In these cases, others may be dealing with issues of guilt and shame. They may have their own agenda. They may be immersed in denial. They would like us to believe that we do not know what we know; they would like us not to trust ourselves; they would prefer to engage us in their nonsense.

We don't have to forfeit our truth or our power to others. That is codependency.

Believing lies is dangerous. When we stop trusting our truth, when we repress our instincts, when we tell ourselves there must be something wrong with us for feeling what we feel or believing what we believe, we deal a deadly blow to our self and our health.

When we discount that important part of ourselves that knows what is the truth, we cut ourselves off from our center. We feel crazy. We get into shame, fear, and confusion. We can't get our bearings when we allow someone to pull the rug from under us.

This does not mean that we are never wrong. But we are not always wrong.

Be open. Stand in our truth. Trust what you know. And refuse to buy into denial, nonsense, bullying, or coercion that would like to take you off course.

Ask to be shown the truth clearly - not by the person trying to manipulate or convince you, but by yourself, your Higher Power, and the Universe.

Today I will trust my truth, my instincts, and my ability to ground myself in reality. I will not allow myself to be swayed by bullying, manipulating, games, dishonesty, or people with peculiar agendas.

©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.

honeypig

and

and

HUGE for me. A wise person here at SR posted this some time ago, along the same lines: I've learned, thanks to living with XAH, that if something is REALLY CONFUSING and makes absolutely no sense (and especially when this confusion happens to work in someone's favor), I probably don't have the whole story, or a real story at all.

It really spoke to me, b/c so often I'd get such a song and dance that it was simply easier to think, well, I'll just let it go, even tho none of what I was told makes any sense to me.

After being disrespected yet again, being told "if you didn't talk so much, I might remember what you said", or "I guess that wasn't important enough to commit to memory", I'd think well, maybe he's right. Maybe it IS too much to ask for the person I married to actually pay attention to me and what's going on in my life...

I stepped on that little voice again and again. And now I find out that it was right. Not always, but a lot of the time. Now I'm trying to pay attention, b/c it seems to be my Jiminy Cricket on my shoulder.

HoldOnLoosely

Me too. Sometimes, I would speak my mind. Sometimes, I would stifle, let it go and keep the peace. I would prefer not to have confrontations with my husband (a lawyer-ish argumentative style). The never-ending, circular conversations were never worth it to me.

Now, I speak my mind. Speak the truth. I say "I feel uncomfortable with what you said". I stand my ground. More heated conversations, though. Oh well...

armartin

I don't know how to use the quotes yet, so bear with me!

Ask to be shown the truth clearly - not by the person trying to manipulate or convince you, but by yourself, your Higher Power, and the Universe.

THIS is what I'm doing today. Last night tried to have a convo with AH and it was just a mess of crazy talk. It was coming from nowhere, going nowhere and making no sense. All these negative things coming up and spewing out of him. After it happens, I look back and see the crazy---need to work on getting my mindset right while its happening, but I am in the habit of getting drawn into that crazy cycle and then trying to make sense of the madness.

SparkleKitty

How about starting with a boundary of not engaging in conversations with a drunk person? It's a waste of time anyway, and if it causes stress and confusion on top of that, why not spend that time engaged with some other activity that makes you feel good -- spend time with your friends, a good book, a movie, coloring, sewing, anything you like that doesn't depend on someone else being sober to be fruitful.

FireSprite

LOVE this! My idol Brene has a great saying that I heard just last night on an audiobook:

"Don't Shrink ~ Don't Puff Up. Just stand your Sacred Ground."