Kinda OT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
Kinda OT
So I am completely besides myself in regards to mom.
I don't know who she is anymore. Everything is wrong what I do in her eyes, I can't even put a plant outside without her moving it. I am always on pins and needles with her.
I have tried to talk to her before when something bothers her because she explodes on me and cries and whales. ( I can't stand to see my mother cry It breaks my heart)
So today is is upset because we had a twin size bed BOX on the side of the house. I paid to have it removed , Its been there for months. She now states she worked hard all day to clean it and give it to my sister.
I didn't know that!!!...
I apologized she said it's ok go ahead and throw it away.
I go into her room to talk and she calling my sister packing her bag.
Telling me she doesn't want to talk. I get the stupid Box and put it back in the back yard.
I am 100% fine with her moving out but our relationship is so frail now that I don't believe we will have one once she leaves. I am being screwed financially from her as well.
She admitted she was addicted to her meds but because of her injury she has to be on them for the rest of her life.
I don't know what else to do,
Pia
I don't know who she is anymore. Everything is wrong what I do in her eyes, I can't even put a plant outside without her moving it. I am always on pins and needles with her.
I have tried to talk to her before when something bothers her because she explodes on me and cries and whales. ( I can't stand to see my mother cry It breaks my heart)
So today is is upset because we had a twin size bed BOX on the side of the house. I paid to have it removed , Its been there for months. She now states she worked hard all day to clean it and give it to my sister.
I didn't know that!!!...
I apologized she said it's ok go ahead and throw it away.
I go into her room to talk and she calling my sister packing her bag.
Telling me she doesn't want to talk. I get the stupid Box and put it back in the back yard.
I am 100% fine with her moving out but our relationship is so frail now that I don't believe we will have one once she leaves. I am being screwed financially from her as well.
She admitted she was addicted to her meds but because of her injury she has to be on them for the rest of her life.
I don't know what else to do,
Pia
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
Pia, for what it's worth, nothing but nothing pleased my mother in her addiction.
It isn't you. Really, it isn't
It isn't you. Really, it isn't
She is telling me I should of known she was cleaning it. I told her I was at work all day, I have someone coming to pick up some stuff i'm getting rid of and getting ready for trash day. I swear I didn't know nor did she tell me she was getting rid of it.
She refuses to talk to me and say she won't and now she is crying.
This is so stupid had I known she was crazy growing up is one thing but finding out after i'm 38 years old this is so dam FRUSTRATING!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by Pia
So I am completely besides myself in regards to mom.
I don't know who she is anymore. Everything is wrong what I do in her eyes, I can't even put a plant outside without her moving it. I am always on pins and needles with her.
I have tried to talk to her before when something bothers her because she explodes on me and cries and whales. ( I can't stand to see my mother cry It breaks my heart)
So today is is upset because we had a twin size bed BOX on the side of the house. I paid to have it removed , Its been there for months. She now states she worked hard all day to clean it and give it to my sister.
I didn't know that!!!...
I apologized she said it's ok go ahead and throw it away.
I go into her room to talk and she calling my sister packing her bag.
Telling me she doesn't want to talk. I get the stupid Box and put it back in the back yard.
I am 100% fine with her moving out but our relationship is so frail now that I don't believe we will have one once she leaves. I am being screwed financially from her as well.
She admitted she was addicted to her meds but because of her injury she has to be on them for the rest of her life.
I don't know what else to do,
Pia
I don't know who she is anymore. Everything is wrong what I do in her eyes, I can't even put a plant outside without her moving it. I am always on pins and needles with her.
I have tried to talk to her before when something bothers her because she explodes on me and cries and whales. ( I can't stand to see my mother cry It breaks my heart)
So today is is upset because we had a twin size bed BOX on the side of the house. I paid to have it removed , Its been there for months. She now states she worked hard all day to clean it and give it to my sister.
I didn't know that!!!...
I apologized she said it's ok go ahead and throw it away.
I go into her room to talk and she calling my sister packing her bag.
Telling me she doesn't want to talk. I get the stupid Box and put it back in the back yard.
I am 100% fine with her moving out but our relationship is so frail now that I don't believe we will have one once she leaves. I am being screwed financially from her as well.
She admitted she was addicted to her meds but because of her injury she has to be on them for the rest of her life.
I don't know what else to do,
Pia
Do you feel relieved that she's moved out?
I don't know much about your situation, but is this a recent pattern of behaviour from your mum or has she always been at conflict with you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
Originally Posted by Tomandliv
I can't offer much advic on what you should or shouldn't do, but reading your post made me sad. You sound like such a caring person and a wonderful daughter (sorry I'm assuming you're a female).
Do you feel relieved that she's moved out?
I don't know much about your situation, but is this a recent pattern of behaviour from your mum or has she always been at conflict with you?
Do you feel relieved that she's moved out?
I don't know much about your situation, but is this a recent pattern of behaviour from your mum or has she always been at conflict with you?
I don't know much about your situation, but is this a recent pattern of behaviour from your mum or has she always been at conflict with you?
I am ok with her moving out she moved in with me 4 months ago. She has been threatening to move out every-time she doesn't get her way.
My father passed away almost a year ago and she wanted out of her house. My other sisters were useless so I did all the negotiating and had the house sold and moved her and her possessions.
I offered her to move in because she is 75 years old and disabled. we decide she didn't need to be alone especially being married to my father for over 40 years. I am her caregiver , I quit my full time job and got a part time job so I can still earn money and take her to all her appointments./needs.
I promised Dad years ago that is something ever happened of course I would be there for mom. I love her she is mom. But she got injured 3 years ago and has to take strong meds because they can't do anything for her only make her comfortable. Now I don't know who she is.
I just want my mom back.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 49
Oh my dear, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I'm so sorry to hear about the situation you are in with your mum.
She's very lucky to have someone who cares so much and looks after her. You deserve so much for being such a wonderful human being. It must be so hard to be doing so much and the person you need to love and appreciation from isn't giving it to you, even worst, she's tearing you down for it.
Is your mum getting some counselling or help for her medication addiction? Or some counselling?
Has she been behaving this way since your dad passed, or has it been worst since then?
She's very lucky to have someone who cares so much and looks after her. You deserve so much for being such a wonderful human being. It must be so hard to be doing so much and the person you need to love and appreciation from isn't giving it to you, even worst, she's tearing you down for it.
Is your mum getting some counselling or help for her medication addiction? Or some counselling?
Has she been behaving this way since your dad passed, or has it been worst since then?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
Originally Posted by Tomandliv
Oh my dear, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I'm so sorry to hear about the situation you are in with your mum.
She's very lucky to have someone who cares so much and looks after her. You deserve so much for being such a wonderful human being. It must be so hard to be doing so much and the person you need to love and appreciation from isn't giving it to you, even worst, she's tearing you down for it.
Is your mum getting some counselling or help for her medication addiction? Or some counselling?
Has she been behaving this way since your dad passed, or has it been worst since then?
She's very lucky to have someone who cares so much and looks after her. You deserve so much for being such a wonderful human being. It must be so hard to be doing so much and the person you need to love and appreciation from isn't giving it to you, even worst, she's tearing you down for it.
Is your mum getting some counselling or help for her medication addiction? Or some counselling?
Has she been behaving this way since your dad passed, or has it been worst since then?
She says she is moving out so she doesn't hurt me anymore.
I haven't lived with my parents for goodness over 20 years so this is all new to me.
At first I thought she was just grieving and not intentionally taking things out on me but now I can't stand walking on egg shell for everything. I can't do anything right in her eyes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
I forgot to add. What scares me is because I can see she is having early signs of dementia. She forgets about everything. She puts things on the stove full blast and then walk away and forgets. Then she can't remember and lies about everything. So I am always concerned what she is doing.
She is packing her stuff and making sure she leaves her doors wide open as I am crying my eyes out and just hurt.
She is packing her stuff and making sure she leaves her doors wide open as I am crying my eyes out and just hurt.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by Pia
No counselling she refuses to talk she just says everything is natural feeling.
She says she is moving out so she doesn't hurt me anymore.
I haven't lived with my parents for goodness over 20 years so this is all new to me.
At first I thought she was just grieving and not intentionally taking things out on me but now I can't stand walking on egg shell for everything. I can't do anything right in her eyes.
She says she is moving out so she doesn't hurt me anymore.
I haven't lived with my parents for goodness over 20 years so this is all new to me.
At first I thought she was just grieving and not intentionally taking things out on me but now I can't stand walking on egg shell for everything. I can't do anything right in her eyes.
Where will she stay now?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Pia.....her behavior is being dictated by the substances in her brain (and I know that you know that). I know the nightmare that it is---living in close quarters with a parent that is impossible to deal with.
It sound l ike she is trying to pick fights with you. They will do that.
I think it will be better when you are not in such close quarters.....it will not get better as it is. She will probably not remember much of what happens, later.
You are bearing the full pain of it.
As much as you can....try to stay detached and not engage in the arguments that she starts. Tell yourself that it is her "quacking" and picture her with an "S" on her forehead (for sick). I know it is easy for me to say......lol.....but, it will help you, if you can.
This is about her, not you.....remember that.
With much empathy,
dandylion
It sound l ike she is trying to pick fights with you. They will do that.
I think it will be better when you are not in such close quarters.....it will not get better as it is. She will probably not remember much of what happens, later.
You are bearing the full pain of it.
As much as you can....try to stay detached and not engage in the arguments that she starts. Tell yourself that it is her "quacking" and picture her with an "S" on her forehead (for sick). I know it is easy for me to say......lol.....but, it will help you, if you can.
This is about her, not you.....remember that.
With much empathy,
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
Tomandliv-i dont know where she will live. I didnt bother asking.
dandylion- Your right i need to try and detach, this is harder than letting husband go but now I see she is doing some of the same things wow. Thats just sorry.
Hawkeye13- I can see your point clearly.
dandylion- Your right i need to try and detach, this is harder than letting husband go but now I see she is doing some of the same things wow. Thats just sorry.
Hawkeye13- I can see your point clearly.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I'm sorry pia, it sounds like your mom has gone through some dramatic changes in the last few years & that's gotta be hard!!
It's also worth ruling out a minor bladder infection at her age. ... I've read/seen how that can also imitate dementia in the elderly & had it happen with a client once. I can try to link up some info on it for you later if you'd like, on my phone now. (((((Hugs)))))
It's also worth ruling out a minor bladder infection at her age. ... I've read/seen how that can also imitate dementia in the elderly & had it happen with a client once. I can try to link up some info on it for you later if you'd like, on my phone now. (((((Hugs)))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
Thank you FireSprite.
So last night I went to sit out side and cry by myself she was not having that. She wanted to give me some clothes she can't fit into anymore and then to tell me she was the mother and I should be more sensitive to her losing her husband.
I told her of course and I always do so but can you try to understand that I lost my daddy too? Nope she was not having me respond or say anything.
I realized from that moment on that I have/had people in my life that just don't care that maybe I have feelings. I just don't matter as long as i'm giving.
So last night I went to sit out side and cry by myself she was not having that. She wanted to give me some clothes she can't fit into anymore and then to tell me she was the mother and I should be more sensitive to her losing her husband.
I told her of course and I always do so but can you try to understand that I lost my daddy too? Nope she was not having me respond or say anything.
I realized from that moment on that I have/had people in my life that just don't care that maybe I have feelings. I just don't matter as long as i'm giving.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Pia.....that is very insightful.....and, I am sad for that circumstance for you. It is a situation that so many of us have had to face.....
That kind of revelation can bring on some grieving and heartbreak and lots of crying. That is o.k, (in the big picture) because it means that you are at a big turning point in your life...your emotional life.
Rather than spending your every breath in trying to serve and placate and please the others (so that they might value you).....you can finally come into your own.....and
You can take your place in the world as just as important and valuable as anyone or everyone else!!!!!!
Anyone who says any different can kiss our asses,
dandylion
That kind of revelation can bring on some grieving and heartbreak and lots of crying. That is o.k, (in the big picture) because it means that you are at a big turning point in your life...your emotional life.
Rather than spending your every breath in trying to serve and placate and please the others (so that they might value you).....you can finally come into your own.....and
You can take your place in the world as just as important and valuable as anyone or everyone else!!!!!!
Anyone who says any different can kiss our asses,
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Originally Posted by Pia
So I just went into her room and tried to have a discussion that failed and frustrated me even more.
She is telling me I should of known she was cleaning it. I told her I was at work all day, I have someone coming to pick up some stuff i'm getting rid of and getting ready for trash day. I swear I didn't know nor did she tell me she was getting rid of it.
She refuses to talk to me and say she won't and now she is crying.
This is so stupid had I known she was crazy growing up is one thing but finding out after i'm 38 years old this is so dam FRUSTRATING!!!
She is telling me I should of known she was cleaning it. I told her I was at work all day, I have someone coming to pick up some stuff i'm getting rid of and getting ready for trash day. I swear I didn't know nor did she tell me she was getting rid of it.
She refuses to talk to me and say she won't and now she is crying.
This is so stupid had I known she was crazy growing up is one thing but finding out after i'm 38 years old this is so dam FRUSTRATING!!!
If I had a dollar for all the times I "should have known" something my mom wanted or needed, I'd be richer than Oprah. In addition to being mentally ill, she's also massively codependent and no one's suffering can match hers, the queen of all martyrs.
She was complaining about how I acted after I came home from Iraq (I was withdrawn, jumpy, suffering from insomnia, basically a mess). And she snapped at me, "You really need to get it together. I know you have PTSD or whatever, but it was really hard on me to have you deployed." OK mom.
I've had to do a lot of unlearning those old behaviors through therapy and Alanon. I have yet to reach the point of being grateful for alcoholics and crazy people in my life, but I'm grateful to Alanon for showing me a different way to live.
Like Hawkeye said, it's really not you.
If you ever want to have a hilarious conversation, try to explain the expression "passive aggressive" to her. I tried that with my mom once and for the life of her she had NO IDEA what I was talking about. I still get a chuckle out of that.
(((Pia)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
I'm so sorry... Thank you for sharing. Today I decided to stop over thinking everything and feeling and deal with life and that's it!!! I'm am fighting for my sanity...
I can't save the world and if I was in charge oh man everyone would really be in trouble.
Now if my dog decides to leave me or turns into a cat that's it I will be giving up..
I can't save the world and if I was in charge oh man everyone would really be in trouble.
Now if my dog decides to leave me or turns into a cat that's it I will be giving up..
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
