DaisyDoo24's story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 3
DaisyDoo24's story
Hi, I've been lurking in this forum for a bit and finally decided to join.
This is my story. I have an AH, who denies he has a problem. I finally confronted him a few weeks ago. He was drinking in secret at my fathers house while he was away on vacation. He was drinking every day. He was lying to me about bringing in a few cans of beer everyday from his boss, meanwhile hiding the rest of the case in the basement. He had racked up our credit cards buying a case of beer 5 or 6 days a week, I was finding empty beer cans in random places. When I did confront him he admitted he let things get out of control and promised to stop drinking.
But he's not an alcoholic.
He started asking for permission to have a drink, I told him I will not be the bad guy and decide for him just to be resented for it down the road. He buys a new brand now. Sometimes he asks me if has can have a drink. But he gets mad if I comment on it. Other times he just goes ahead and has drink. Overall its been light drinking and all in the open. He's not an alcoholic, he didn't get the shakes.
Yesterday I found an open can in the basement. I didn't comment or question. This morning the can was still there but the amount had gone down. So he's back to drinking in secret...
But he doesn't have a problem
This is my story. I have an AH, who denies he has a problem. I finally confronted him a few weeks ago. He was drinking in secret at my fathers house while he was away on vacation. He was drinking every day. He was lying to me about bringing in a few cans of beer everyday from his boss, meanwhile hiding the rest of the case in the basement. He had racked up our credit cards buying a case of beer 5 or 6 days a week, I was finding empty beer cans in random places. When I did confront him he admitted he let things get out of control and promised to stop drinking.
But he's not an alcoholic.
He started asking for permission to have a drink, I told him I will not be the bad guy and decide for him just to be resented for it down the road. He buys a new brand now. Sometimes he asks me if has can have a drink. But he gets mad if I comment on it. Other times he just goes ahead and has drink. Overall its been light drinking and all in the open. He's not an alcoholic, he didn't get the shakes.
Yesterday I found an open can in the basement. I didn't comment or question. This morning the can was still there but the amount had gone down. So he's back to drinking in secret...
But he doesn't have a problem
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Welcome, glad you decided to post. I’d say anyone who feels the need to “hide” something knows there is a problem of sorts. Denial is the core of addiction and he’s not ready to give it up yet.
If you’ve been lurking here long enough then you already know there is very little if anything you can do about his drinking. And that alcoholism is progressive, it only gets worse.
His drinking is at the point where it has become a problem in your life so maybe give al-anon a try. Grow into a local support group while you explore and educate yourself on alcoholism. And keep posting here.
It was my experience that when an alcoholic/addict sought permission 2 things happened. 1 the person not objecting became the scape goat and all the blame became attached to them and 2 it was the green light they were waiting for………
If you’ve been lurking here long enough then you already know there is very little if anything you can do about his drinking. And that alcoholism is progressive, it only gets worse.
His drinking is at the point where it has become a problem in your life so maybe give al-anon a try. Grow into a local support group while you explore and educate yourself on alcoholism. And keep posting here.
It was my experience that when an alcoholic/addict sought permission 2 things happened. 1 the person not objecting became the scape goat and all the blame became attached to them and 2 it was the green light they were waiting for………
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Hi, DaisyDoo24. I'm glad you're reaching out for support and that you were smart enough to sidestep his requests for permission. (I stepped into the middle of that one, myself, by trying to AXH 'no' when he asked. That was not the answer he'd wanted when he actually asked.)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 3
Thanks for the support and welcome.
I was somewhat optimistic we could save our marriage. Right now I feel like I'm not sure if I can go down that road if he is not willing to even admit he has a serious problem. We have 2 young children to think about as well.
There are a lot of useful tools and stories here that I really appreciate, its unfortunate it takes a disease like this to bring people together.
I was somewhat optimistic we could save our marriage. Right now I feel like I'm not sure if I can go down that road if he is not willing to even admit he has a serious problem. We have 2 young children to think about as well.
There are a lot of useful tools and stories here that I really appreciate, its unfortunate it takes a disease like this to bring people together.
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