griff31

Hi my name is Brenda and I'm 31 and my husband is an alcholic. We have two children and have been married for 8 years and together for 10. He has drank ever since I met him, and his father was an alcholic. When we first met and before we got married I never really thought too much of it because I partied with him but after I had my children and didn't party with him anymore it has just continued. He has to drink everyday and he hangs out with people who drink. I have begged him to quit hanging out with those people and stay at home with us his family but he won't. His attitude has definetly been changing. When he comes home after going over to his friends house he is very rude and sarcastic and I don't know if that is something that is just going to keep getting worse. My biggest fear is of my children growing up to be just like their father. I don't know what to do. It's ruining our marriage and it's horrible for the kids to witness all of this. I feel so helpless and am depressed a majority of the time. Can anyone help me?

skyleh

I am sorry you are going through this...

You sound like me....the disease does get worse as it progresses. Have you checked out Alanon in your area? That is a good start. Also to educate yourself about the disease and its progression. Another good site is www.gettingthemsober.com. and the book with the same name by Toby Rice Drews. I personally haven't read the book yet..I have it on hold for me at the book store but you can read some sections from it on the web site.

Its really tough especially when you have kids and you don't know what to do..educate yourself..and remember to take care of you and your kids.

Sandy Marie

Hi Griff,
Welcome to SR. I'm sorry to hear your husband is still drinking, and I'm glad you elected to stop a long time ago. Alcohol is a terrible drain on a family and you have reason to worry about your husband. He has to make the decision for himself to quit drinking. I'm sure you're rearing your children to not get involved with drugs. Just because their father is drinking doesn't automatically mean they'll do the same. My prayers are with you and your family and I hope you'll get lots of support and encouragement on the forums here.
Sandy

cwohio

welcome griffs - you will find many friends here and valuable information. you will hear many times over, find an al-anon meeting to go to. it gives us the tools to focus on ourselves not the a.

just know that we're all bonded by the disease of addiction. please come back often and read everything you can.

hugs - cwohio

Veronica

Griff, welcome!! The most important thing you can do is learn about the disease and how to take care of yourself and your kids. SR is a great start and we're glad you are here!! The most important thing I have learned is that even if I were to follow my AH on his downward spiral with alcohol (by taking care of him and eliminating his consequences), I cannot bring him back. Instead, I would lose myself. That's a hard realization. For me, it meant that my AH had to move out until he has 3 months sobriety (he's now on day 1). It sounds like you need to get educated on the disease, find a support network (alanon, friends/family), establish your boundaries and determine the consequences for when your AH violates those boundaries - require rehab, AA or leave. Hang in there. You're not alone in this boat!

redrose0729

You sure aren't and with alcohol and or drugs it can only get worse everyone is right you need to focus on you and the kids . Work the steps of your recovery. I find that the more I focus on myself then I have less time to focus on my A's problems . I have resolved not to be mean to him about it he punishes hisself enough I just quit absorbing the consequences for him and let him know that he has to take the consequences of his actions. When I focus on myself I get more respect from my A and it inspires him to do better. As women we sometimes have to lead by example he is the only one that can help himself you cannot do it for him. Hugs to you and good luck to you and your family. Keep coming back and posting it helps.
Rose