At the point where I just hate my husband
 

I love the man my husband use to be..which was a good man. When I met him, he did not have a problem. In fact he was sober for about 5 years. When his mom died in 2009 he turned into a full blown drug addict. Then came alcohol. I had no idea he had this monster inside of him.

We've been together 9 years and six of those have been hell. He's hit me because i've thrown out drugs . He's lied to me, talked to other women behind my back because he high. He's lost his mind over these drugs. He's high all the time and unconscious most of it. But I am at the point where i"m never around. I haven't been for about two years. I'm out with my friends, doing fun things and working. When I come home and see him I just think he is pathetic at this point. ESP because I sent him to rehab three weeks ago and he checked himself out early and a day later was back to drugs. He has done this probably 10 times.

I don't even know if I care for him anymore. It's crazy because I use to look at him with such admiration but now I just cannot stand him. He's been into 15 car accidents since i've been him and 2 motorcycle accidents . Two of then left him severely injurered and we're still dealing with his medical needs now. I am over it, but financially is why I haven't left. I just want to be happy and the only way I can be is if I cut drugs out of my life and the only way to do that is to cut him out. I think part of me loves the man he use to be but i know that man died a long time ago.

Thanks for letting me rant.

We've all been through your story. What we once liked is what we hope will happen if we hang on long enough.

Some do get it back. I didn't.

This disease cares less about you.

M-
I am so sorry, we all love our A's and it is a horrible disease. You have to figure out how to move forward, with him or without him. Try hitting an alanon meetings, keep posting on SR, go to the new to recovery and the alcoholism forum and read that. There is so much that you can learn in these walls.

Hugs my friend, we are here for you and we understand!!

Thank you
 

It is tough. I know this disease doesn't care about me. But I'm at that point I'm okay with it. Literally yesterday I came home to him on the floor for 8 hrs. He was high and intoxicated. I checked to make sure he was breathing and then left. Today he is in his car right now, high as a kite and the neighbors are watching him mumble in his idiocy. I left him out there. Don't care. I stopped enabling a long time ago.

Is living like this worth it financially?
He is going to lose his job and keep getting worse
Sounds like he is very far down the path and not wanting to stop.

Have you thought about a back-up plan for when this sh*& hits the fan?
I'm sorry for your suffering--it is so sad to see addiction steal the best of a person.

I'm in the process of getting another job but I have two dogs and a cat that I just cannot leave with him because he won't care for them. I am trying to save so I can rent a house for them. And unfortunately he inherited a lot of money and therefore doesn't need to work. That's part of the problem. He just woke up and got on his motorcycle high as a kite and took off. He doesn't care but yes I have a plan. It just will take time to get going.

and my one dog has a autoimmune disorder and needs about 9 pills of medication a day.

I was there 2 months ago in a 6 year marriage 13 year relationship .I feel like i'm reading my story I get it!!! . We all have our own choices to make . I can tell you that I left two months ago with barely any $$ not enough to brag about but some how I am making it . I have ups and downs. But in the end I am happier than I have been in 13 years. I no longer see a unconscious drunk/high as a kite man on his recliner.
The resentment was so deep he could breathe and would put my nerves in a tail spin. Are you working any programs for you? I know once I finally sent his butt packing then reality kicked in and working a program for me is what saving me. Are you going to Alanon or Therapy?

Hi Manisha,

You say you're staying primarily for financial reasons. I get that. I stuck around an extra few years for the same reason. But aren't you running a huge financial risk sticking around? If he has another accident, or gets into more legal hot water, isn't that going to affect your financial plans?

Have you talked to a lawyer yet? That probably wouldn't be a bad idea.

M-
You are married and are entitled to half of the money. Have you consulted an attorney? Most divorce attorneys will give u a free first visit. Reach out and have a million questions for them. You might not be in as bad a shape that you think. You will never know until you find out.

I was with my A 34 years and married 26. Slowly they groom you for unacceptable behavior and it gets worse and worse. We tolerate more and more till we can no longer take it. Leading a separate life has been fine for you to survive, but in the long run, it really is no way to live. One day I decided that he was on a path to die, and it was not going to be on my watch. I was not going to watch this happen to the man I loved. I had to get out as I was going crazy.

You can do anything you put your mind too. Start putting important stuff together or making copies. Maybe start another bank account you can put away money. No situation is hopeless!!! Reach out with your questions and the members of SR will help you get them answered!! Hugs my friend there is always hope!!

I just applied for two corporate jobs with the company I work for in two different states. My boss is going to put in the good word for me. I do go to therapy every friday and alanon about once a week. I emailed two laywers today but it's sunday so I hope they respond tomorrow. I honestly don't want half of anything. I didn't earn it, it was his moms. I just want enough to get an apartment and be on my own.

Anyone know anything about marchman acting? I still want to leave, but I think if I can help him in anyway, court ordered rehab might be the way to go. Anyone know how to go about it???

I can only suggest consulting with an attorney.

Find out your legal rights, as well as legal obligations.

Time to turn the focus toward yourself.

Seems you are so willing to go the extra mile for someone who currently has zero desire in helping himself.

Court ordered rehab is not a guarantee, the only thing that is going to fix him, is HIM.

15 car accidents ? 2 motorcycle accidents? it's only a matter of time, before innocent people are hurt by his selfish, wreckless actions.

Time to start protecting yourself and your assets.. Hope you call an attorney, and begin to start forming a plan B.

Sending you support.

Yes but if I marchman act him, it gets him off the street. Plus at least then I can say I tried everything possible. And if it could save his life and the lives of others I will do it. I know that it will most likely mean we are getting divorced because he will be so angry I know him well enough that it will lead to that anyway.

And I have spoken to an attorney. They suggested I do this as well as separate from him. I honestly am not ready for divorce but i"m ready to legally separate. Maybe time away will get me to that point of divorce but I'm not ready to do that.

So does anyone know how to go about it.

Manisha, focus on yourself. From what you've told us, he's beyond your help at the moment. He might be ready at some stage, but you've got too much to accomplish to secure your future to waste energy on him when he's not looking for help.

Your plans seem like a good start. I hope you get one of the jobs you're after.

M-
No one is telling you what to do. If you feel you are not ready for a divorce, good for you for realizing that. All we are saying is take care of you. He is a big boy and you have taken care of him for a very long time, has it worked? What you have been doing for years, is he any better.

Us enablers always put the addicts before us. We are saying work on you. Thats awesome about looking for the jobs. Its great you are going to alanon and counseling. Its great that you have support group of friends that you go out with. These are all awesome things you can do to build up your self esteem.

If you think forcing him into rehab will make him get sober, I would recommend asking the alcoholic forum. Ask them if someone did that to them would you see the light and change, or would you be angrier and more pxssed off? They are wonderful people on that forum, ask them your question. Ask them what made them get sober and work a program. They are a wealth of knowledge.

Hugs my friend. All we want is you to be happy, and we will support you any way we can.

Manisha.....I don't have any experience with the marchman act. Sorry.

dandylion

***I just did a google search and found a website : treatmentsolutions.com........which gave a detailed and excellent explanation and description of the whole process (in layman's terms).....and, also, contact people that you can talk to in the state of Florida.