thequest

Addict/alkie's supposed ex is apparently drinking from those small travel or single serving size bottles you would get on airplane or hotel room except they are not traveling. They came over the other night and was in plain sight in the trash.

I'm sure there's some co dependency here but she really aged in the years since their break up. Supposedly things are going much better in her life. When they first got back it was almost like she was tolerating him now it's almost like they never parted. But she looks hard, tired, something is not right. I'm wondering if he muscled his way back into the relationship.

Point being their behavior is much like that around the time of their breakup frequently down to the time they eat or watch tv etc. Personally they both need to move on to progress and change. Not my business but their current behavior is costing her and us. She supposedly has been ostracized by her family as well.

happybeingme

I have read this twice and can't figure out who you are talking about. Are you with an alcoholic/addict and this woman who came over is your partner's ex? If that is the case why have this other person around?

thequest

Apologies I meant the addict/alkie's ex now currently seeing him again although they say they are just helping each other through some tough times.

Needabreak

Is the "alkie / addict" (which is a strange way to refer to a person) your partner? Is this why you're focusing what on the "alkie /addict's" supposed ex is doing?

Not sure what you're asking here, or if you're just stating something for the sake of stating it...

Thomas45

I think thequest might be talking about a friend and their on-again-off-again partner, but the part that confuses me is this:

I'm not exactly sure how the behavior of these two people that you are talking about 'costs you' in any way, unless one of the individuals you're talking about is a dependent family member. Are you able to clarify this?

thequest

There is frustration here. And yes I am probably venting or complaining as much as asking.

As far as 'alkie/addict'. He abuses both alcohol & drugs, Sometimes he's buzzed and others its high. His ex is enabling and is simply delaying change. Her enabling has stopped him from looking for serious or steady work, she brings him/picks up for him alcohol on demand and their behavior together mirrors the final year before a very nasty split. Her enabling has included transportation, lodging and probably money. Her 'help' has stopped him from making hard choices & changes no matter how small.

Something's going on with her. Seems like she is trying to avoid people at times. Her moods and appearance can change drastically over a day. At this point I beginning to wonder if she has a job like we've been told.

I bring up the small bottle because she usually drank what others were drinking at the time. She even tried to give the appearance that she wasn't drinking or didn't want a drink several times lately.

The big problem here is to get everyone including friends & family on the same page at the same time that his behavior/drinking is not good and that he has to learn to work with what he has. Over the last 2-3 years alone he has showed up with about 1/2 dozen vehicles, none his own. He is a user of friends just like family. I'm almost sure his "reunion" with the ex is for him only. By the way this "reunion" picked up or came out with in less than 2 weeks of him losing possession of a borrowed car.

Unfortunately I don't have final say who visits, stays or hangs out although many others are tiring and expressing frustrations they never openly talked about before.

Thanks for your time & eye balls.

Needabreak

It sounds like you are trying to manage a lot of stuff. I guess I would ask, why is this any of your concern? Is the person over 21? Then he is an adult and can do as he pleases.

You didn't say what his relationship to you, but If he's your spouse or your child, then I get that you want things to change. But really, you can't control his disease or whether people enable him, and no one else can either.

theuncertainty

It can definitely be just as frustrating watching the enablers' do what they do as it is watching the alcoholic / addict do what they do. I know there were plenty of times I wanted to deliver swift kicks to the backside to my xSIL for all the times she'd shield AXH from the consequences of his addictions.