They asked me to sit in the big seat!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Maryland
Posts: 178
They asked me to sit in the big seat!
I have been a grateful member of Alanon since my breakup with my exAbf. However, I do not feel ready to sit in front of everyone and lead the meeting! Any tips? When I told her I wasn't ready she just smiled at me and said "yes you are."
Sharing on step one...
Sharing on step one...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Haha - she sounds codependent 
I wish I had words of wisdom for you - you are ahead of me - I can't bring myself to get a sponsor and commit to the steps yet. Maybe it's like a lot of things in here - you will know when you are ready. But, friends can push us to be our best too... They asked you to sit in the big seat - that is huge!! Conrgats!
I wish I had words of wisdom for you - you are ahead of me - I can't bring myself to get a sponsor and commit to the steps yet. Maybe it's like a lot of things in here - you will know when you are ready. But, friends can push us to be our best too... They asked you to sit in the big seat - that is huge!! Conrgats!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
I kept hearing how service was a positive difference for others, and how they usually didn't feel ready, but had been told to say "yes" to opportunities in Alanon.
I went to a couple of my home group business meetings and was asked to take care of the calendar sign up for chairing meetings. I share the job with another member, as neither of us can attend every week. We were assured that it mostly takes care of itself in this group, and it does. Being responsible for this has been an easy job, and very good for me. If I'm skipping my home group meetings, I still take time to go in and check the calendar. When I'm there, I realize how much I'd like to make it to my home group and prioritize it again.
From keeping track of the calendar and realizing it's importance as it's passed around, I finally signed up to chair a meeting.
At a small noon meeting, I realized chairing that first could be a good way to get my feet wet, and there was an opening. Then I chaired another little larger meeting in a different location. By the time I chaired the large meeting, I had a better idea of how to chair. It's been a wonderful practice of being imperfect, asking & accepting help from others, of how to be a part of instead of "in charge of". I've tried to be in charge of myself and others for a long time. I'm glad to give that up, as it really hasn't worked well in my life. Chairing a meeting is a way to be of service, to step outside my comfort zone and take a new action.
The most recent meeting I chaired was very large. I'm getting more confident with reading and talking. I'm still wonderfully imperfect. I like to ask a couple other people to read daily readings, either that days, one I've picked, or giving them a topic to find a reading on. When saying I've asked xxx and xxxx to read, I called someone I know very well by the wrong name. I corrected myself and moved on. No one else was going berate or judge me for that or anything else that wasn't spot on. It's my choice now if I berate myself or show myself the same love and compassion I'm learning to show others. And if "just for today" I'm not kind, that doesn't mean I'll behave that way tomorrow.
I'm no greater than or less than anyone else. Neither is whomever is chairing. Having done this, I now have a greater appreciation for others who chair. We're all in this together.
Good luck chairing your first meeting!
I went to a couple of my home group business meetings and was asked to take care of the calendar sign up for chairing meetings. I share the job with another member, as neither of us can attend every week. We were assured that it mostly takes care of itself in this group, and it does. Being responsible for this has been an easy job, and very good for me. If I'm skipping my home group meetings, I still take time to go in and check the calendar. When I'm there, I realize how much I'd like to make it to my home group and prioritize it again.
From keeping track of the calendar and realizing it's importance as it's passed around, I finally signed up to chair a meeting.
At a small noon meeting, I realized chairing that first could be a good way to get my feet wet, and there was an opening. Then I chaired another little larger meeting in a different location. By the time I chaired the large meeting, I had a better idea of how to chair. It's been a wonderful practice of being imperfect, asking & accepting help from others, of how to be a part of instead of "in charge of". I've tried to be in charge of myself and others for a long time. I'm glad to give that up, as it really hasn't worked well in my life. Chairing a meeting is a way to be of service, to step outside my comfort zone and take a new action.
The most recent meeting I chaired was very large. I'm getting more confident with reading and talking. I'm still wonderfully imperfect. I like to ask a couple other people to read daily readings, either that days, one I've picked, or giving them a topic to find a reading on. When saying I've asked xxx and xxxx to read, I called someone I know very well by the wrong name. I corrected myself and moved on. No one else was going berate or judge me for that or anything else that wasn't spot on. It's my choice now if I berate myself or show myself the same love and compassion I'm learning to show others. And if "just for today" I'm not kind, that doesn't mean I'll behave that way tomorrow.
I'm no greater than or less than anyone else. Neither is whomever is chairing. Having done this, I now have a greater appreciation for others who chair. We're all in this together.
Good luck chairing your first meeting!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Simplified:
1. Leave behind thoughts of perfection.
2. Ask for help anytime, about anything.
3. Read the opening and follow the instructions in the group's book.
4. Read Step One.
5. Share anything you'd like about Step One.
6. If you forget anything, someone else is bound to say or help with -- or it didn't really matter.
Red, thank you for stepping up and being of service to your group.
firebolt, I have never felt ready or comfortable, even with going to meetings, until continually doing the next indicated action.
1. Leave behind thoughts of perfection.
2. Ask for help anytime, about anything.
3. Read the opening and follow the instructions in the group's book.
4. Read Step One.
5. Share anything you'd like about Step One.
6. If you forget anything, someone else is bound to say or help with -- or it didn't really matter.
Red, thank you for stepping up and being of service to your group.
firebolt, I have never felt ready or comfortable, even with going to meetings, until continually doing the next indicated action.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
The first meeting I led was on Step One. A very appropriate place to start. Our group has the meeting format listed conveniently in the binder, so you can't go wrong. All the books have a handy index in the back listing the pages related to every topic. I was super nervous about leading my first meeting, but once I sat down and said the Serenity Prayer it all flowed from there.
Virtual hugs (((reddog))). You're gonna do great, trusted servant. Speak from the heart and you can't go wrong.
Virtual hugs (((reddog))). You're gonna do great, trusted servant. Speak from the heart and you can't go wrong.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
Lots of good advice above And I am sure you are going to be just fine,
You might surprise yourself.....I have been attending Al Anon since January and next Friday will be my third share. I havent chaired' yet but From what I have seen no one seems to judge atall and if the chair ever gets stuck there is always someone to help out. I have also seen when others share that they get other members to help with the readings......if you get a bit nervous or stuck tell them! We are all there for our recovery and that's what counts.
Something was said the other day at one of our meetings that went something like this....everyone brings something to the meeting even if they don't realise at the time. So I hope that helps,
I am sure you will be fine. All the very best take care.
Phiz
You might surprise yourself.....I have been attending Al Anon since January and next Friday will be my third share. I havent chaired' yet but From what I have seen no one seems to judge atall and if the chair ever gets stuck there is always someone to help out. I have also seen when others share that they get other members to help with the readings......if you get a bit nervous or stuck tell them! We are all there for our recovery and that's what counts.
Something was said the other day at one of our meetings that went something like this....everyone brings something to the meeting even if they don't realise at the time. So I hope that helps,
I am sure you will be fine. All the very best take care.
Phiz
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
RD- Good for you for doing it. It is very hard to share personal stories of your life.
I remember how scared to death I was talking about me. But to hear other peoples stories, puts into perspective of what they have gone through. Your home group just got to know you at a deeper level. Pat yourself on the back, and feel proud of what you have accomplished. This is another way of showing that you are growing and becoming stronger!! Congrats!!
I remember how scared to death I was talking about me. But to hear other peoples stories, puts into perspective of what they have gone through. Your home group just got to know you at a deeper level. Pat yourself on the back, and feel proud of what you have accomplished. This is another way of showing that you are growing and becoming stronger!! Congrats!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: MD
Posts: 658
I was super nervous first time I chaired, I've always been horrified by the prospect of speaking in front of a group. But as it happens, chairing wasn't so bad.. 1st time was clumsy, by the end of the month (my homegroup schedules meeting service positions monthly) I was feeling OK. The paralyzing horror of speaking in front of a group is now more or less a gently managed concern that I speak my truth and stay out of its way. When I'm invited to speak I find I need to write out what I'm going to share let it sit for a day, read & revise, let it sit again etc. Helps me be more clear with my point and what I'm saying. I've always been envious of those who can roll off a 20 min coherent improv.. in that situation I generally fall apart by the 3rd sentence or so, forget most of what I wanted to say, lose my train of thought and collapse in embarrassment.
BUT the win is now I know I can share.. no lurid fears or such stuff and I can improve my delivery and content by repeated practice. I spoke last Friday (from my prepared share), afterwards another member of the group gave me a couple suggestions on breath, posture, speed- even simple stuff like font size on the page; which now, magically, I can happily use instead of taking it as criticism. A couple years ago I would view such comments on my delivery as sufficient cause for a huge resentment and resist further engagement.
The change in my attitude towards speaking only started after I did that service chairing, the repeated practice of the simple script was really important. I've heard many of the helpful hints, none of which helped in the past because I was so terrified of speaking.
BUT the win is now I know I can share.. no lurid fears or such stuff and I can improve my delivery and content by repeated practice. I spoke last Friday (from my prepared share), afterwards another member of the group gave me a couple suggestions on breath, posture, speed- even simple stuff like font size on the page; which now, magically, I can happily use instead of taking it as criticism. A couple years ago I would view such comments on my delivery as sufficient cause for a huge resentment and resist further engagement.
The change in my attitude towards speaking only started after I did that service chairing, the repeated practice of the simple script was really important. I've heard many of the helpful hints, none of which helped in the past because I was so terrified of speaking.
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