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This explains a lot

Old 10-13-2015, 03:22 PM
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This explains a lot

"Healthy people demonstrate respect for personal boundaries while toxic people, including a narcissist, will see them as a challenge". (Tina Swithin, "One Moms Battle")

Hmmm, yep! No respect for boundaries, nada. Because they don't exist to an alcoholic.

Thought this may ring true for a lot of you.
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Old 10-13-2015, 05:17 PM
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I found this one online not too long ago, but I don't know where to attribute it to:

Pay attention when people react with anger or hostility to your boundaries. You have found the edge where their respect for you ends.
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Old 10-13-2015, 05:43 PM
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From the reading I have done about narcissists, I believe that they have an emotional hole so deep and wide that it compels them to fill it with energy from other people.

They do not believe in themselves; they do not have a self source of self esteem or self love. So, they seek it from others, to the point of emptying the energy from their partners like the water swirls down the drain.

There are no boundaries with others because narcissists' needs are so huge that they suck the life from others. Others exist mainly, in their unarticulated emotional compulsion, to fill their emptiness.

It is very sad, and for me, as the partner of a narcissist, it was very dangerous to keep my sense of self whole.

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Old 10-13-2015, 09:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Forourgirls View Post
"Healthy people demonstrate respect for personal boundaries while toxic people, including a narcissist, will see them as a challenge". (Tina Swithin, "One Moms Battle")

Hmmm, yep! No respect for boundaries, nada. Because they don't exist to an alcoholic.

Thought this may ring true for a lot of you.
Personal boundaries are something I didn't/haven't respected much in many, many years. Mine, or others. Got a problem? Who cares what your personal boundaries are... it's just a challenge for me to show you how I'm going to fix you!! I've been a really good codie.

Recovering Alanon/codependent/non-drinking member of the family disease of alcoholism. I'm starting to understand some of the mental health issues I've had.

I'm learning what personal boundaries are, and how to respect them. Work in progress here. It's a journey, not a race.

I can't even fathom the narcissist issues. I'm very sorry for any of you dealing with that.
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Old 10-14-2015, 05:40 AM
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what respect

Originally Posted by Forourgirls View Post
"Healthy people demonstrate respect for personal boundaries while toxic people, including a narcissist, will see them as a challenge". (Tina Swithin, "One Moms Battle")

Hmmm, yep! No respect for boundaries, nada. Because they don't exist to an alcoholic.

Thought this may ring true for a lot of you.
So true, especially ...see them as a challenge. This is would help explain always trying to game people and the system. Part of the smarter than the room crowd. This also explains the constant testing of boundaries. Give them an inch and they will take 10 miles

Peace
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Old 10-14-2015, 04:01 PM
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While some alcoholics are narcissists, most aren't. In his book "Alcoholic Anonymous" Bill Wilson describes the alcoholic as "self-centered in the extreme, self-willed and grandiose." They think the world revolves around them. But that doesn't mean they suffer from narcissistic personality disorder. If they get sober, work the 12 Steps and therapy, eventually they become much less selfish. It takes time and a lot of work, but they do change. True narcissists never change.
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Old 10-14-2015, 04:24 PM
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People who don't respect boundaries be it Alcoholics or Narcissists also see it as a challenge to show you that you aren't going to tell them what to do, in their mind.

A very reasonable,respectful boundary to us can be an enraging thing to them if it means they may not get their way or might not get what they want to get their needs met.
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Old 10-14-2015, 04:26 PM
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Just went through a boundary thing and it was like I was the most horrible, unreasonable person.
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Old 10-14-2015, 04:32 PM
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I have never believed that my STBXAH is a narcissist, he has a raging case of "egomaniac with an inferiority complex." Now that I've moved out, I have a non-negotiable boundary that I simply will not be around him when he's drinking. There have been two occasions when I've taken our son over there for dinner, and we've left early because STBXAH was drinking. I have an unbelievable amount of serenity about the whole thing. I'm gearing up for a test, though...we are all HUGE Cubs fans. Like, rabid fans who know the team's history for the last hundred years. And I have a feeling that if they make it to the World Series, STBXAH will suggest we all watch a game together. Up to now, I haven't said a word to him about my boundary. I just enforced it. That could get harder if I decide to decline an invitation to something that will SURELY involve him drinking. But you know what? I. Don't. Care.
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Old 10-14-2015, 09:16 PM
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Egomaniac with an inferiority complex is just a great phrase. Thanks for sharing that-that's all
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Old 10-15-2015, 11:21 AM
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One time I told my narcissistic father that he needed to respect my boundaries and not bring my inebriated mother to a choral event at my daughter's elementary school. He retorted, "Those aren't my boundaries," and threatened to come anyway, although in the end, they did not come. They did blow up my cell phone and my home phone though with at least 12-15 phone calls and nasty messages.
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