Wisconsin

So I've been out for six weeks, and counting. Life is so, so great.

One arrangement we've worked out involves the nights when DS sleeps over with STBXAH and has school the next morning. STBXAH has to leave for work REALLY early (at least until daylight savings time ends), so since we only live about 5 minutes apart, I just go over to his place right before he leaves for work. That way our son doesn't have to get up crazy-early, and we don't have to find back up child care for that time period between when STBXAH leaves for work and when before-school child care begins.

So I arrived this morning, right on schedule, at 5:45. STBXAH is getting his stuff ready for his lunch, etc. He gets snarky with me a few times about things like our son's lunch, but I have long since ignored that crap. As he was walking out the door, he said "have a good day" to me, and I responded "have a good day, too." To which he immediately snarked "oh, I won't" and walked out the door.

And in about 2.3 seconds I was instantly transported back to just how God-awful it was living with that attitude and negativity for so long, and how it just got worse and worse over the years, and how it turned me into a miserable, awful person. I sat there for awhile, and allowed myself to just FEEL the impact of the exchange. Then I shook it off, got our son ready for school, and got the heck out of that house.

Liveitwell

Good for you, W! Praying things continue to go peacefully for you and your little. Peace to you

Wisconsin

You know, after all the years of emotional and verbal abuse, I don't feel agitated or anxious around him. I'm just SAD for him. I do, however, feel agitated and anxious in that house. He is barely holding it together...everything is a mess, etc. It's like the emotional chaos of our family life is gone, so now there is physical chaos.

firebolt

Ugg I feel your pain SO MUCH reflecting on what a negative person I became.

I hung out with a mutual friend of XABF this weekend. We spoke briefly about him. The friend said, "yeah he called me and told me you split up - I asked why and he said 'firebolt will tell you i have a drinking problem, and I say it's because she was a mean 6!tch all the time.'"

I immediately felt anger boil up in me, but after 5 seconds of that, I said, "well - he's right - his drinking made us both crazy."

Those 5 words are my truth for it all right now - and it is over. I do not have to be that way anymore - or ever again...and neither do you!!!

Liveitwell

Fire bolt.....Halelujah, sister! Those five words are THE truth, aren't they ! I haven't been "that person" in years and I'm never going back to her. Thanks for your words.

FireSprite

I'll bet it's SUCH a RELIEF to be able to walk away from that!


Has it bothered DS to be around that negativity? I used to give DD a piece of amethyst or quartz to carry in her pocket to ward off the negativity when she was staying with AH while we were separated. She carried a worry stone for a short time too - a smooth stone she could rub whenever she felt anxious or worried. It helped her purge those feelings & feel like she was actively dealing with them.
Creative Elementary School Counselor: Worry Stones

https://www.happier.com/blog/stress-...f-worry-stones

Liveitwell

Wisconsin, didn't you forget that YOU are causing all the negativity and his bad moods?!?! (Sorry, I had to-couldn't resist). My ex told me that all the time during our marriage-I was the cause of his happiness and his anger, violent outbursts, etc. It was all me!
W-keep your head up and keep moving forward

hopeful4

I am so glad my friend that you are no longer in that awful situation!!!!

Wisconsin

So far, DS (who is 5) is doing very well with the separation. He clearly prefers to be here with me, but seems to be doing fine when he's with STBXAH. Of course, STBXAH is working VERY hard to keep that part of his life normal. As time goes on, if he's not in recovery, he's just going to get worse. I actually called our Employee Assistance Plan today and got an authorization code to send DS to a therapist for awhile.

hopepraylove

Great way to handle business! Admiring your strength!

iamthird

I used to have some type of arrangement with my separated AH but it was reverse and he would have to come to my place because I started so early. Eventually we just had to come up with an alternate plan because he was so angry for no reason or telling me he missed me, LOL.

honeypig

Wisconsin, I know you feel like you took a long time to finally make your move, but it sure looks like you're making up for lost time now. It's truly amazing how much energy you have for moving ahead when you're not using it all just trying to keep your head above water, isn't it?

I'm so glad for you, and it's so good to see the progress you're making in all these different areas. Doesn't it feel good to be doing the right thing for yourself and your kids, both the 2-legged and 4-legged ones?

Hugs, my friend!

MsPINKAcres

WOW - your recovery is shining through ~ the ability to detach, shake off the negativity and not allow it to control you ~

You are very very pinkful!

PINK HUGS!

maia1234

Wisconsin,
So happy for you. Did you ever think that you could be so at peace in side. During all the crazy years our addicts put us through. I appreciate the little things and smile. I do miss my X but none of the crxp you have to put up with. The anger, lying, moodiness, fights, all the money spent on alcohol, just the whole package, I don't miss a thing.

Enjoy your peace and quiet, you so deserve it!!

Liveitwell

Yes ^^^ this! Well said, friend. W-was thinking about you today. Just so darn happy for you. Be gone negativity, anger, lies, demons, manipulation, blame, etc....enter peace, calmness, truth, freedom, love-life without an active addict. You have such a bright future! Love and peace to you, friend.