Dontreallycare

#30- thankful for a quiet Saturday morning to myself

#31- grateful for getting to watch my favorite show without snide comments because my AH is passed out (gotta find that siler lining!)

#32- grateful for my loving kitty headbutting my while holding her this morning!

firebolt

Day 31 - happy for a relaxing, productive, fun weekend of self care.
Day 32 - grateful for no contact, and knowing i had to do it.
Day 33 - happy for horror movie night with my old neighbor!

honeypig

Grateful for a whole bunch of pears I got free from the ground under a tree in one of the nearby subdivisions--big cardboard sign saying "PLEASE take some!"

Into the slow cooker w/them to make a bunch of pear sauce which I will freeze for the winter. Some gray cold day I'll pull out a pint jar of this and remember the bright yellow of the pears, the red/yellow of the pear tree leaves, and the sunshine of this day and be mighty glad all over again.

Wisconsin

#33 - Today I am happy and grateful that I have made so many wonderful friends through recovery--friends I can count on to be supportive, and to serve as my sounding board, and to just generally make my life better.

honeypig

I am grateful for my little portable computer speaker thingie that I bought just recently. I've heard so many folks talk about how useful the TED talks are, as well as a recent thread saying that all kinds of Alanon stuff is available on YouTube, but I've never listened b/c to do so would have meant sitting in front of my computer for however long the piece was.

Now I CAN listen to TED talks, Alanon, or any other thing that I want while working around the house or doing hobbies! It's really nice.

firebolt

Day 34 - yeah - recovery friends. Seriously - no one else 'gets it' and you all make me feel completely UNalone in the big confusing and lonely mess i've made!

FireSprite

#31 - I know it's a repeating theme in this thread but SO SO SO freaking grateful for my recovery {Sat morning} after watching one of my best friends have a full Codie meltdown the night before. She is stretching herself thinner & thinner trying to Control Everything & Make It Right. She hit the wall of Had Enough pretty hard but I still don't think it's going to be her bottom.

#32 - Grateful for how my friend's unexpected meltdown led to a great big moment where for just a little while, RAH was standing in my old shoes & not. liking. it. one. bit. I am not a tit-for-tat type of person (any longer, ha) but it was satisfying to have the shoe on the other foot for a bit & see that AHA happen.

#33 - Grateful for technology so that if my car has to break down AGAIN, at least I can forward phones & work from my laptop & not miss a beat where my job is concerned.

#34 - Grateful that some random stranger cancelled their car appt this morning so by showing up first thing this morning & being considerate, they gave me that now-open 8am appt time & had me back on the road before 9 am.

ladyscribbler

Grateful for dry shampoo, a lazy longhair's best friend.
Grateful for an excellent Alanon meeting today. I had forgotten that I signed up to lead (oops), but everything came together and our group had the privilege of welcoming a newcomer this morning.
Grateful for crispy, buttery cinnamon toast.

healthyagain

#32 Grateful for being able to sleep and compensate all the sleepless nights. I went to bed at 9 and woke up at almost 6. And then I fell back to sleep till 8. And I have no more dark circles around my eyes.

#33 Grateful for ham and beans and sriracha.

LexieCat

Grateful that the nonprofit I work for--which JUST became its own separate entity after being under control of ("a project of") a larger nonprofit--has decided to recognize ALL federal holidays. Which means I get Veteran's Day (tomorrow) OFF for the first time since I retired from my government job!

Uplifting

OK, so it's been a while, but I am still around reading..
Grateful today for the fact that yesterday was exAbf's birthday and it's been almost 2 weeks with NC and more with me saying goodbye to the relationship and I didn't email him an "innocent" happy bday email. It was on my mind, but I didn't and amazingly wasn't wanting to in a way I would have wanted in the past! Grateful that I feel I am making really subtle progress, and I am taking steps I haven't before. Thank you all for inspiring me for that, super grateful!

FireSprite

#35 - Such a silly thing, but so grateful today that our county recently issued huge garbage bins for everyone to use for waste collection. We have a lot of critters out here & these locking bins have made trash day easier for ALL of us - now I don't spend time picking up trash that the raccoons have dragged out of the bins & scattered everywhere. Cleaner, neater, faster!

Wisconsin

#35-Grateful that Veteran's Day is a "minor holiday" for the county, so I can come to work (I'm swamped, and have to be here anyway) and still earn 8 hours of paid time off to use another day, when I'm not so swamped.

honeypig

Grateful for the DIY article in my email that listed some ways to save on heating this winter. I know that insulating my electrical outlets will help for sure, as I can feel the breeze blowing out of them in the winter, and it's surely within my abilities to buy and install the gaskets to insulate them. I was also interested to read about the idea to use bubble wrap to cut down heat loss thru the surface of windows--you spray water and a bit of dish soap on the window, then press the bubble wrap on. I got a 175-foot roll of bubble wrap for less than $15 on Amazon and am going to give this a try!

If I haven't mentioned it elsewhere, I live in a very drafty, well over 100-year-old farmhouse...anything that saves me heating $$ in the winter is a very good thing!

firebolt

Day 35 - Happy for friends that listen to me vent and bring me back up again. Feeling so much better that I'm going to go hunting this weekend. Something I only ever did with XABF. If I get a deer - I am going to have to youtube how to gut it, but again, thanks to empowering friends, I feel like I can do that too.

ladyscribbler

Grateful for my free Veteran's Day lunch.
Grateful I didn't eat it alone this year.
Grateful for a quiet, rainy day to play a board game with DS6 after school.

healthyagain

#34 Grateful for being angry with my ex. I've never really been angry with him, it was always someone else. So, there this shift. Always blaming someone else. It could never be his fault. And, I was mainly angry with his mom. Now I can understand her actions better. I also get very angry when people try to find excuses for him. But I do not argue or try to convince them, what I will say is "right, ok, uh-huh." What I think is, "You guys believe what you wanna believe, but boy oh boy, I better not tell you something."

Supposedly, there is an anger phase after the break up. I might be there at the moment.

And I am grateful for brownies. Lots of brownies. Yum!

firebolt

Day 36 - happy I get to hit a cabin for a night with a girlfriend this weekend!

FireSprite

#36 - So happy for Alanis Morisette's song, Thank U.

I've listened to it a thousand times but this week it really HIT me- this is my Recovery Anthem, no doubt. (& if that's not what she's basically referring to in the lyrics - a full life recovery of sorts - I'll be shocked.)




"Thank U"


How bout getting off of these antibiotics
How bout stopping eating when I'm full up
How bout them transparent dangling carrots
How bout that ever elusive "could have"

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

How bout me not blaming you for everything
How bout me enjoying the moment for once
How bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
How bout grieving it all one at a time

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

The moment I let go of it
Was the moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down

How bout no longer being masochistic
How bout remembering your divinity
How bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How bout not equating death with stopping

Thank you India
Thank you Providence,
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence...





So many of these things are the exact things that I have heard myself being grateful for in recovery - appreciating silence, learning to grieve, letting go, disillusionment/illusions of control, stopping the blame-game & finding forgiveness, healing through tears, etc.

But the line that strikes me hardest, every time now is this:

The moment I let go of it
Was the moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down

Because that's really the greatest AHA moment I had - the moment I let go of (then)AH's issues is the moment my plate overflowed with more than I could handle of my OWN crap that needed to be dealt with.

The moment I jumped off of living the way I had been & decided to have faith in myself & choosing Change was the moment I "touched down", and everything is different because I started owning my own behaviors & was "no longer masochistic".


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDp6F_Baf5I

honeypig

What a really great post, FS--thanks for that, really what I needed to hear this AM.

I'm grateful for all the trees and shrubs that have red berries or fruit on them. Winds are supposed to gust to 45 mph today and tomorrow and the remaining leaves will be gone after that, I think. Those colorful berries really cheer me up when I'm feeling down about the bare gray/brown landscape.