Hard to live with a alcoholic mother
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Hard to live with a alcoholic mother
Hello everyone. My mother is a alcoholic in denial. She drinks 2.5 boxes of wine a week. I am at the point that just looking at her gets me angry. I never thought someone could feel this way about their mother.
Let me give you some background info first. I didn't have much of a relationship with my mother to start but it wasn't a bad relationship. We just didn't communicate that often. I moved out when I was 17 because I wanted to. it was a choice and still got along great with both parents. Long story short. Parents divorced soon after i moved out, 15 years or so go by, My father and I end up getting a place together then a few years later him and my mother are back together and now living with us. So yea it looks like I live with my parents but its my house and I am out of work due to an injury. It actually worked out well when it was just my father and I.
Mom moves in and I find out just how much she really drinks and how much of an issue it is. For example. The heat gets very hot upstairs where my bedroom is located. hers and my fathers is on the first floor. The problem is she gets cold at night and turns the heat up while I am already sleeping. This causes me to wake up in a sweat and sometime I have even got sick to my stomach. I asked her on so many occasions to not adjust the thermostat when I am asleep. She stays up all night drinking. Well it either goes in one ear and out the other and she just dont care or she does it when drunk or sleepwalking. She drinks so much she sleep walks and sleep talks. My dad had to start sleeping in the den because she keeps him awake. In any case her actions are affecting the rest of our lives. I buy certain food and she just raids the fridge and eats what she pleases. Then when I confront her she swears it wasn't her. She is either lying or she did it drunk or sleep walking. Again, either way it means her admitting that she has a problem. She is so set in her ways. These are just a couple issues but I am sure you can imagine how this type of behavior can wear on you. It goes even further as in how she just expects things to be done for her and doesn't care if she imposes or inconveniences others but it ok for her to impose on everyone else. She will lend her car out to my sister and the just expect me to drive her an hour to go pic it up with out even asking. Then she gets an attitude when I dont. I got my dad bitching at me when I end u[p flipping out on her. That seems the only way to get some sort of reaction from her. She dont care about anyone except herself and thinks that i am picking on her or looking for a fight. Yet I send emails begging her to talk about it. begging her to change and get help. Everything in her life is someone elses fault. She is a nurse and was fired for giving a paint with a similar name someone elses meds. it happened twice but she claims that it was the DOA being raciest. Not like it really could be the fact that she gave the wrong meds out. oh and she thinks that when it snows she doesn't have to drive to work and they need to be ok with it. I dont remember her being like this 10-15 years ago. I am pretty sure she started drinking heavy when she lived on her own after the divorce. She has no respect for those that she lives with. I'm not sure if its just the alcohol to blame or is it compiled with some sort of personality disorder or what. i am not a doctor but know enough that something is not right. Even though my father bitches at me for yelling at her. He comes to me complaining about the exact same ****. I am also finally talking to my sister about it and she totally agrees. She lived with her in the past and I swear it sounds like i am talking to myself. Any advice of how to live with a person like this? She is 58 years old. I am 36 year old male.
Let me give you some background info first. I didn't have much of a relationship with my mother to start but it wasn't a bad relationship. We just didn't communicate that often. I moved out when I was 17 because I wanted to. it was a choice and still got along great with both parents. Long story short. Parents divorced soon after i moved out, 15 years or so go by, My father and I end up getting a place together then a few years later him and my mother are back together and now living with us. So yea it looks like I live with my parents but its my house and I am out of work due to an injury. It actually worked out well when it was just my father and I.
Mom moves in and I find out just how much she really drinks and how much of an issue it is. For example. The heat gets very hot upstairs where my bedroom is located. hers and my fathers is on the first floor. The problem is she gets cold at night and turns the heat up while I am already sleeping. This causes me to wake up in a sweat and sometime I have even got sick to my stomach. I asked her on so many occasions to not adjust the thermostat when I am asleep. She stays up all night drinking. Well it either goes in one ear and out the other and she just dont care or she does it when drunk or sleepwalking. She drinks so much she sleep walks and sleep talks. My dad had to start sleeping in the den because she keeps him awake. In any case her actions are affecting the rest of our lives. I buy certain food and she just raids the fridge and eats what she pleases. Then when I confront her she swears it wasn't her. She is either lying or she did it drunk or sleep walking. Again, either way it means her admitting that she has a problem. She is so set in her ways. These are just a couple issues but I am sure you can imagine how this type of behavior can wear on you. It goes even further as in how she just expects things to be done for her and doesn't care if she imposes or inconveniences others but it ok for her to impose on everyone else. She will lend her car out to my sister and the just expect me to drive her an hour to go pic it up with out even asking. Then she gets an attitude when I dont. I got my dad bitching at me when I end u[p flipping out on her. That seems the only way to get some sort of reaction from her. She dont care about anyone except herself and thinks that i am picking on her or looking for a fight. Yet I send emails begging her to talk about it. begging her to change and get help. Everything in her life is someone elses fault. She is a nurse and was fired for giving a paint with a similar name someone elses meds. it happened twice but she claims that it was the DOA being raciest. Not like it really could be the fact that she gave the wrong meds out. oh and she thinks that when it snows she doesn't have to drive to work and they need to be ok with it. I dont remember her being like this 10-15 years ago. I am pretty sure she started drinking heavy when she lived on her own after the divorce. She has no respect for those that she lives with. I'm not sure if its just the alcohol to blame or is it compiled with some sort of personality disorder or what. i am not a doctor but know enough that something is not right. Even though my father bitches at me for yelling at her. He comes to me complaining about the exact same ****. I am also finally talking to my sister about it and she totally agrees. She lived with her in the past and I swear it sounds like i am talking to myself. Any advice of how to live with a person like this? She is 58 years old. I am 36 year old male.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by AjCjR3579 
Hello everyone. My mother is a alcoholic in denial. She drinks 2.5 boxes of wine a week. I am at the point that just looking at her gets me angry. I never thought someone could feel this way about their mother.
Let me give you some background info first. I didn't have much of a relationship with my mother to start but it wasn't a bad relationship. We just didn't communicate that often. I moved out when I was 17 because I wanted to. it was a choice and still got along great with both parents. Long story short. Parents divorced soon after i moved out, 15 years or so go by, My father and I end up getting a place together then a few years later him and my mother are back together and now living with us. So yea it looks like I live with my parents but its my house and I am out of work due to an injury. It actually worked out well when it was just my father and I.
Mom moves in and I find out just how much she really drinks and how much of an issue it is. For example. The heat gets very hot upstairs where my bedroom is located. hers and my fathers is on the first floor. The problem is she gets cold at night and turns the heat up while I am already sleeping. This causes me to wake up in a sweat and sometime I have even got sick to my stomach. I asked her on so many occasions to not adjust the thermostat when I am asleep. She stays up all night drinking. Well it either goes in one ear and out the other and she just dont care or she does it when drunk or sleepwalking. She drinks so much she sleep walks and sleep talks. My dad had to start sleeping in the den because she keeps him awake. In any case her actions are affecting the rest of our lives. I buy certain food and she just raids the fridge and eats what she pleases. Then when I confront her she swears it wasn't her. She is either lying or she did it drunk or sleep walking. Again, either way it means her admitting that she has a problem. She is so set in her ways. These are just a couple issues but I am sure you can imagine how this type of behavior can wear on you. It goes even further as in how she just expects things to be done for her and doesn't care if she imposes or inconveniences others but it ok for her to impose on everyone else. She will lend her car out to my sister and the just expect me to drive her an hour to go pic it up with out even asking. Then she gets an attitude when I dont. I got my dad bitching at me when I end u[p flipping out on her. That seems the only way to get some sort of reaction from her. She dont care about anyone except herself and thinks that i am picking on her or looking for a fight. Yet I send emails begging her to talk about it. begging her to change and get help. Everything in her life is someone elses fault. She is a nurse and was fired for giving a paint with a similar name someone elses meds. it happened twice but she claims that it was the DOA being raciest. Not like it really could be the fact that she gave the wrong meds out. oh and she thinks that when it snows she doesn't have to drive to work and they need to be ok with it. I dont remember her being like this 10-15 years ago. I am pretty sure she started drinking heavy when she lived on her own after the divorce. She has no respect for those that she lives with. I'm not sure if its just the alcohol to blame or is it compiled with some sort of personality disorder or what. i am not a doctor but know enough that something is not right. Even though my father bitches at me for yelling at her. He comes to me complaining about the exact same ****. I am also finally talking to my sister about it and she totally agrees. She lived with her in the past and I swear it sounds like i am talking to myself. Any advice of how to live with a person like this? She is 58 years old. I am 36 year old male.
Let me give you some background info first. I didn't have much of a relationship with my mother to start but it wasn't a bad relationship. We just didn't communicate that often. I moved out when I was 17 because I wanted to. it was a choice and still got along great with both parents. Long story short. Parents divorced soon after i moved out, 15 years or so go by, My father and I end up getting a place together then a few years later him and my mother are back together and now living with us. So yea it looks like I live with my parents but its my house and I am out of work due to an injury. It actually worked out well when it was just my father and I.
Mom moves in and I find out just how much she really drinks and how much of an issue it is. For example. The heat gets very hot upstairs where my bedroom is located. hers and my fathers is on the first floor. The problem is she gets cold at night and turns the heat up while I am already sleeping. This causes me to wake up in a sweat and sometime I have even got sick to my stomach. I asked her on so many occasions to not adjust the thermostat when I am asleep. She stays up all night drinking. Well it either goes in one ear and out the other and she just dont care or she does it when drunk or sleepwalking. She drinks so much she sleep walks and sleep talks. My dad had to start sleeping in the den because she keeps him awake. In any case her actions are affecting the rest of our lives. I buy certain food and she just raids the fridge and eats what she pleases. Then when I confront her she swears it wasn't her. She is either lying or she did it drunk or sleep walking. Again, either way it means her admitting that she has a problem. She is so set in her ways. These are just a couple issues but I am sure you can imagine how this type of behavior can wear on you. It goes even further as in how she just expects things to be done for her and doesn't care if she imposes or inconveniences others but it ok for her to impose on everyone else. She will lend her car out to my sister and the just expect me to drive her an hour to go pic it up with out even asking. Then she gets an attitude when I dont. I got my dad bitching at me when I end u[p flipping out on her. That seems the only way to get some sort of reaction from her. She dont care about anyone except herself and thinks that i am picking on her or looking for a fight. Yet I send emails begging her to talk about it. begging her to change and get help. Everything in her life is someone elses fault. She is a nurse and was fired for giving a paint with a similar name someone elses meds. it happened twice but she claims that it was the DOA being raciest. Not like it really could be the fact that she gave the wrong meds out. oh and she thinks that when it snows she doesn't have to drive to work and they need to be ok with it. I dont remember her being like this 10-15 years ago. I am pretty sure she started drinking heavy when she lived on her own after the divorce. She has no respect for those that she lives with. I'm not sure if its just the alcohol to blame or is it compiled with some sort of personality disorder or what. i am not a doctor but know enough that something is not right. Even though my father bitches at me for yelling at her. He comes to me complaining about the exact same ****. I am also finally talking to my sister about it and she totally agrees. She lived with her in the past and I swear it sounds like i am talking to myself. Any advice of how to live with a person like this? She is 58 years old. I am 36 year old male.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I hate to say it, but I agree with Refiner. She isn't going to change. It's likely not just the alcohol, she sounds like a selfish, manipulative person who will not accept responsibility for anything she does wrong. Classic alcoholic behavior. It's a shame that your dad decided to get back with her, he has just committed himself to misery in all reality.
If it's your house, do what you can to be able to pay the bills yourself, or prepare to get a roommate. Then tell your parents they will need to move out. It will cause some trouble I am sure, but it sounds like there is already serious trouble.
Good luck to you. You are not alone, there is lots of great support here at SR!
If it's your house, do what you can to be able to pay the bills yourself, or prepare to get a roommate. Then tell your parents they will need to move out. It will cause some trouble I am sure, but it sounds like there is already serious trouble.
Good luck to you. You are not alone, there is lots of great support here at SR!
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
I agree with the others. She seems to have lost her social skills, and alcohol abuse can certainly lead to that kind of brain damage.
Is there any reason why your parents have to live with you, rather than some decent roommates?
If your parents have to live with you for some reason, you may have to stop yelling and start taking action, like disabling or isolating the thermostat, locking your fridge (if that's possible) and them having their own, and other defensive measures.
Obviously you can stop doing those extra things she expects, and you should stay firm on that. She's your father's problem.
Is there any reason why your parents have to live with you, rather than some decent roommates?
If your parents have to live with you for some reason, you may have to stop yelling and start taking action, like disabling or isolating the thermostat, locking your fridge (if that's possible) and them having their own, and other defensive measures.
Obviously you can stop doing those extra things she expects, and you should stay firm on that. She's your father's problem.
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