amy55

I've been divorced coming up 5 years this December. Still having issues with his retirement. (CSRS) (Civil Service Retirement System. Gov Pension). With the splitting of this pension this year, it really was to settle the alimony payments. I can easily do these computations, in fact I did do them. I am just not willing to pass it along. Doing computations was my job, when I worked for Social Security. My ex did not respect my views on splitting the pension. He wanted to screw me out of about $9000. a year.

I know with doing the computations that I might owe him about $560. this year. I don't want to share this with him. I want him to have to pay an accountant to do the same thing that I did.

My ex will be paying about $2000. in attorney fees and accountant fees to find out that I will pay him perhaps $560.

Am I being a b!tch?

dandylion

amy.....my feeling has always been.....when dealing with a narcissistic personality...never give an inch (unnecessarily). If you offer your hand--they will take your arm. One does not earn any stars, either here, or, in heaven, for being the nice guy.....not with a narcissist!
sometimes, just because you know a thing, doesn't necessarily mean that you have to say a thing.
Now...this is very different than how I deal with all the other people in the world...lol!
I came by this "procedural change"...the hard way (by dealing with my own ex-husband.

Do however you want to, of course....but, if it were me....I certainly wouldn't obcess over it.

dandylion

amy55

Dandy, I know if I share what I know, he will get crazy. Perhaps I would like to hear that also. IDK. I think I just want him to pay lots of money before I tell him what I know, and what I will accept. He always thought he ran the show. Well..... there is a new boss in town.

I did give his attorney all the $ amounts that were needed to recompute what was paid and what was owed.

I just feel so strange about feeling so good knowing that he will now pay another $2000 + to try to screw me again, for $560, and if he really pisses me off and I have to show my calculations, I will charge him for my work. (lol)

He can also do his own calculation. Afterall, we both did the same work when we worked at Social Security, I was just better at it. (lol)

It is still fresh in my mind that he tried to screw me out of about $9000. a year, and he is paying for all these legal people and I am pro se.

I should not feel happy about giving him the screw right back, but I do.

amy

FeelingGreat

Amy, just let it play out at it's own pace. He won't trust you whatever you tell him so let him find out for himself.
I guess you feeling happy about the legal fees is karma - it's not like you've caused it.

RDBplus3

... and now I have this new-ness of life ...
... it feels great, NOT being controlled by the old urgencies of my self-absorbed Flesh Nature ... but it used to feel so ... demanding ... letting my Flesh be in control ... or being deceived that it was actually 'ME' in control, LOL.

Now it is liberating to shrug off the 'urgency' of my Flesh clamoring to get me to get into the 'drama' it so insists on convincing me how 'important' it is to justify, and retaliate, and BE IN CONTROL of my Flesh feelings, and whomever I 'think' I need to control, or retaliate against ... No Thank You ... I enjoy shrugging it off and asking the Creator of the Univerese where we could go instead ... instead of groveling in the justification of running those old self-flesh emotional paths that always led me ultimately to justifying a drink would be in order ... but that's just me, now that I am FREE.

amy55

Karma does feel good. I am not paying anyone. He has to. He owes alimony money, it was taken care of with the split of his pension, but when they split my pension, he now still has to pay alimony. The reason he got an attorney again is because probation dept is going after him for alimony, which we really now just have to change the amount to be garnished, but all his records show that he is in arrears on this.

So after just receiving a document from his pension evaluator that decided I owe him $39,500, because he believes that my pension should have been split as of the date of our divorce, which is altogether wrong, and him not sending in the proper paperwork to divide my pension at the time he retired, it left a big mess.

Even though, with the division of his pension, he really doesn't owe me any money, we need a court approval for future alimony. Hard to explain, but he will still have to pay $400 a month in alimony with the divisions of the pensions. I can't sign off on anything, till things are done the right way. So presently everything is showing that he is in arrears of about $16,000. in alimony.

So the "power" was transferred to me. I have to sign off on everything, and I am not paying anything.

I think what I find somewhat strange is that I always had the "power", I just didn't feel like I did.

So "Karma" is good, it really is, but I think what is better is that I now know I had the "power" all along. I was allowing him to control me, while I was trying to control him. Now I am free, and freedom feels great.

amy

hopeful4

Nope.

I passed along a lot of knowledge to my X, and what good did it do? I think it's more of a lesson learned. It's not your job to tell him you owe him money.