It's been three weeks
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Central Virginia
Posts: 128
It's been three weeks
It's been three weeks since I last spoke to axbf. We mutually cut ties while both of us were raging at each other. He started the raging and I let him suck me in. I also cut ties with his mother because I determined that she was manipulating me and enabling him, whether consciously or not.
I find myself oscillating back and forth and back and forth between despising him and feel horrified at how he last treated me/spoke to me, and thinking "wow, this guy is really ill because of his alcoholism and maybe mental issues." Then, I think "wait, how in the world did I get here from the loving sweet relationship we had?". Then, I think, "gosh, I may never see him or speak with him again." Then, I think "is he really dating that trashy woman he said he was and why would he ever do that to me, his love?" and was he simply trying to hurt me because I wouldn't enable him and help him pick up the pieces? Lastly, I think, "does he even remember I exist?".
That's all. Just trying to let go and stop missing my dream which vanished.
I find myself oscillating back and forth and back and forth between despising him and feel horrified at how he last treated me/spoke to me, and thinking "wow, this guy is really ill because of his alcoholism and maybe mental issues." Then, I think "wait, how in the world did I get here from the loving sweet relationship we had?". Then, I think, "gosh, I may never see him or speak with him again." Then, I think "is he really dating that trashy woman he said he was and why would he ever do that to me, his love?" and was he simply trying to hurt me because I wouldn't enable him and help him pick up the pieces? Lastly, I think, "does he even remember I exist?".
That's all. Just trying to let go and stop missing my dream which vanished.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Think I can safely say, we have all experienced these thoughts.
What truly has helped me is something I have learned here on this forum.
Try practicing , mindful awareness. When all these emotional thoughts start to overpower, I would have to concentrate on something that could and would bring a positive light to my life. And sometimes all I could manage was to clean the junk drawer, but it did the trick, it forced me to concentrate on something other than the hurt, and negative feelings that were trying to rule my broken world.
Riding the crazy train has as way of hijacking our thought process and self worth.
You certainly are worthy of so much more.
He is not the answer to your dreams , you are, my friend. He simply is a moment in time.
People that truly care about each other DO NOT inflict their selfish ways on the one they claim to love. An addicted person will replace you in a drop of a hat, they need their enabler, they will not allow anyone to come between them and their drug of choice.
Sorry you are feeling so down, just know his addiction and ways have nothing to do with you. He is an active alcoholic, and this is how they roll.
As for you, pick yourself up, brush yourself off, hold your head up, and go forward, healthy people attract healthy people. Surround yourself with people that will add value to your life, not suck the last breath right out of you.
Keep posting it helps to get it all out.
What truly has helped me is something I have learned here on this forum.
Try practicing , mindful awareness. When all these emotional thoughts start to overpower, I would have to concentrate on something that could and would bring a positive light to my life. And sometimes all I could manage was to clean the junk drawer, but it did the trick, it forced me to concentrate on something other than the hurt, and negative feelings that were trying to rule my broken world.
Riding the crazy train has as way of hijacking our thought process and self worth.
You certainly are worthy of so much more.
He is not the answer to your dreams , you are, my friend. He simply is a moment in time.
People that truly care about each other DO NOT inflict their selfish ways on the one they claim to love. An addicted person will replace you in a drop of a hat, they need their enabler, they will not allow anyone to come between them and their drug of choice.
Sorry you are feeling so down, just know his addiction and ways have nothing to do with you. He is an active alcoholic, and this is how they roll.
As for you, pick yourself up, brush yourself off, hold your head up, and go forward, healthy people attract healthy people. Surround yourself with people that will add value to your life, not suck the last breath right out of you.
Keep posting it helps to get it all out.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I think the key to healing from a relationship turned toxic is to allow yourself to feel what you feel – just don’t ACT on any of those feelings.
We always long for who they used to be but reality is we are dealing with who they have become and we don’t like that person.
I think it’s good you cut ties with his mom. I made that mistake in the past and like you said I don’t think they plan on manipulating us but that’s what happens when they are living in their own fear.
All of those things you are wondering/feeling are normal. It’s hard to accept but they don’t really do things on purpose to me like jump into another relationship, they just those things because that’s what alcoholics do.
Hang in there, it really does get easier.
We always long for who they used to be but reality is we are dealing with who they have become and we don’t like that person.
I think it’s good you cut ties with his mom. I made that mistake in the past and like you said I don’t think they plan on manipulating us but that’s what happens when they are living in their own fear.
All of those things you are wondering/feeling are normal. It’s hard to accept but they don’t really do things on purpose to me like jump into another relationship, they just those things because that’s what alcoholics do.
Hang in there, it really does get easier.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
Originally Posted by amharter 
Just trying to let go and stop missing my dream which vanished.
Sorry for your pain my friend =(
Know that you are taking care of yourself and you've just opened the doors for yourself for more opportunities....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Central Virginia
Posts: 128
Right after he got his DUI back in October, he started pushing me away and telling me how much he loved me but that I had to save myself and get out and that he loved me enough to let me go. That he was protecting me. Slowly, since then I watched him change. Very slowly. more withdrawal, becoming meaner to the point where when I asked him to tell me he didn't love me anymore, he did. Of course a few days later he said he still did love me (who knows...). When he finally spiraled out of control a few weeks ago (losing his job and house and being briefly involuntarily committed), he became hateful. Threatening my job and career since I still have mine. It broke my heart and I was angry about the sudden "new girlfriend" proclamation, but I was also scared, and sent him a cease and desist notice threatening to file suit against him if he in any way slandered me or tried to hurt my job (I'm a single parent). That's what pushed he situation over the edge, but I had no choice. Now, all is silent and I will likely never receive an apology (or groveling which I would prefer).
As for the supposed GF, she's a...wait for it...substance abuse counselors. She is very low class looking and with her training one would think "why in the H*LL would she get involved with a rock bottom drunk?". Honestly, I could be in denial but the timing of many things makes me doubt he is dating her. He has NOTHING. When he lost his job he called me all night, where was she? When he was committed, she was nowhere around. There's about a 12 day stretch where there is no way she was present right before this supposed new relationship. He got angry because I wouldn't stay with him the last time I saw him. It pushed him over the edge and he accused me of toying with his emotions which is crazy after all the hurt he had put me though. Total Jekyll and Hyde from the man I met a year and a half ago. Very sad. Do they sometimes lie and lash out to just hurt you? Could this have been a cruel lie? His mom in one of our last communications said "he doesn't HAVE anyone in the sense you are assuming" when I was reeling from his proclamation. *heartbroken but maybe lucky*
As for the supposed GF, she's a...wait for it...substance abuse counselors. She is very low class looking and with her training one would think "why in the H*LL would she get involved with a rock bottom drunk?". Honestly, I could be in denial but the timing of many things makes me doubt he is dating her. He has NOTHING. When he lost his job he called me all night, where was she? When he was committed, she was nowhere around. There's about a 12 day stretch where there is no way she was present right before this supposed new relationship. He got angry because I wouldn't stay with him the last time I saw him. It pushed him over the edge and he accused me of toying with his emotions which is crazy after all the hurt he had put me though. Total Jekyll and Hyde from the man I met a year and a half ago. Very sad. Do they sometimes lie and lash out to just hurt you? Could this have been a cruel lie? His mom in one of our last communications said "he doesn't HAVE anyone in the sense you are assuming" when I was reeling from his proclamation. *heartbroken but maybe lucky*
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
