clutter
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clutter
here i am sitting at the computer after "cleaning" the house (the quick once over). i find myself so overwhelmed with the clutter in this house that it is hard to be upbeat. i know working on myself is the most importatnt thing but it depresses me to see the clutter so much that it's hard to concentrate on that most important thing - ME.
do any of you have these same thoughts?
of course my ah thinks the house looks fine and keeps saying, we'll get to it on a rainy day. yeah right - ithere have been plenty of rainy days and of course, it's still a mess!
cwohio
do any of you have these same thoughts?
of course my ah thinks the house looks fine and keeps saying, we'll get to it on a rainy day. yeah right - ithere have been plenty of rainy days and of course, it's still a mess!
cwohio
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Join Date: Aug 2004
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Yeah when it gets too cluttered up I do not even want to attempt to do anything with it I want to leave and then I feel discusted with myself and then in time will get mad at myself and get at it.
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
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I hear you loud and clear!!!
Somedays I get all energized and attempt to clear that clutter......but most of the time it is just the laundry and dishes that get done. I am way toooo tired after work.I have been exercising daily though and taking baby steps on certain areas of the house. I am really trying hard to make a change! The AH is always getting pissed about the way the house looks but he would rather drink than help.He does do a few chores......trash and walking the dog.Better than nothing I guess.BABY STEPS for sure.
Take care and hang in there,
matters
Somedays I get all energized and attempt to clear that clutter......but most of the time it is just the laundry and dishes that get done. I am way toooo tired after work.I have been exercising daily though and taking baby steps on certain areas of the house. I am really trying hard to make a change! The AH is always getting pissed about the way the house looks but he would rather drink than help.He does do a few chores......trash and walking the dog.Better than nothing I guess.BABY STEPS for sure.
Take care and hang in there,
matters
"learning to just be me"
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: corner of sanity and ...
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I've been tackling the clutter and my 4th step together. Somehow it just happened that when I started with my 4th step, I started to see things in the house that no longer had a purpose in my life. There is a whole thread afew days ago about this so I won't get into it here.
Yesterday I painted my bedroom and the closet. One room at a time I am changing my environment. Took the comforter to the cleaners so nothing smells like him now. This morning, I packed all of "his" photo albums, magazines and random stuff, out of my office, and moved it to "holding-zone". Out of sight, out of mind. It feels good to have the extra space, but I shouldn't have opened the photo albums. :cry3: :banghead: .
I remind myself how I don't need the dual girlfriend environment, the booze, the meth the broken promises and all. Tears are part of healing right...? Don't worry there is no way I am picking up the phone. It's been little over 2 months now and normally I do pretty good. I think I should have known better today.
Yesterday I painted my bedroom and the closet. One room at a time I am changing my environment. Took the comforter to the cleaners so nothing smells like him now. This morning, I packed all of "his" photo albums, magazines and random stuff, out of my office, and moved it to "holding-zone". Out of sight, out of mind. It feels good to have the extra space, but I shouldn't have opened the photo albums. :cry3: :banghead: .
I remind myself how I don't need the dual girlfriend environment, the booze, the meth the broken promises and all. Tears are part of healing right...? Don't worry there is no way I am picking up the phone. It's been little over 2 months now and normally I do pretty good. I think I should have known better today.
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i too see all the "stuff" that really doesn't matter and would like to rent a dumpster and purge it out just like all the bad feelings about alcoholism in general. as fast as i clean up the ah messes up. he moves one pile to another. i like the 4th step tie in.
i guess i'll just do the one room at a time - it may take me forever but so will recovery - a way of life that i need to get used to.
argghhhhhh!!!!
cwohio
i guess i'll just do the one room at a time - it may take me forever but so will recovery - a way of life that i need to get used to.
argghhhhhh!!!!
cwohio
brightlight
Join Date: Aug 2004
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Posts: 201
I read the thread the other day about clutter sm
and I know there is something to the clutter and my feelings. I have read where it can drain your energy to look at it and I belive it. I hate it and then I get mad when I do not get it picked up. I also get the dishes and clothes done and nothing else much. The other night I had I hope my last fit with my husband. I was mad for no reason. He had to work late and I knew it. They have events with music and outdoor events. I know he was very tired, but at midnight I just lost it. I started calling and demanding when he was coming home. I asked who was still there cleaning up and he named a girl and I asked how old is she and what does she look like? I know darn well my husband is not doing anything like that. He never has, but I wanted to make him mad. I told him I was going to come there and see what was going on. I just acted crazy. I looked at the messy house and told the kids we might as well clean the house up. We ran around picking up toys and putting shoes in the closet. It started getting fun. This was 1 in the morning. The kids had not seen their dad all day and had planned on waiting up for him, but at 2 we went to bed. At 3 I got up and called and he said he was finishing a beer. There were about 5 of them left and they stopped to have a beer and relax. The kids got back up and he came home. I was still mad, but the house was clean. I never want to act like that again. I just made up reasons to be mad and it was because he was not here RIGHT NOW. He was going to have a BEER, which meant that he had not seen us all day and was not RUNNING home to see us. Beer was more important, but I know if I was on my feet working like he was till 2 in the morning and my coworkers wanted to stop and sit down and have a beer I would to and it would not mean I did not miss my family. There is too much good in this man to throw him away. Like they say do not throw the baby out with the bath water.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
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Hey CW,
There are a lot of times when I can't get the umph to tackle the things in my life that I want to. I am learning to take pieces. Baby steps. I can pick one small task related to that thing that I want to tackle, and work on it. I always feel better that at least I am working in the right direction. With cleaning, it may just be to dust one piece of furniture instead of the whole room. With emotional stuff, I can do the same. It's progress, not perfection that we are shooting for. Sometimes I don't do anything, and do something for me. That is harder than tackling the giant sometimes, because the hardest thing I've ever had to start doing was taking care of me. The world isn't going to end because the dishes don't get done. I will probably get another opportunity to iron. But me time is scarce, and I need it to feel ok. Mainly, I try just to keep from beating myself up for most things. I have beat me enough. It hasn't done any good. So I need to try something else.
Baby steps. Hugs, Magic
There are a lot of times when I can't get the umph to tackle the things in my life that I want to. I am learning to take pieces. Baby steps. I can pick one small task related to that thing that I want to tackle, and work on it. I always feel better that at least I am working in the right direction. With cleaning, it may just be to dust one piece of furniture instead of the whole room. With emotional stuff, I can do the same. It's progress, not perfection that we are shooting for. Sometimes I don't do anything, and do something for me. That is harder than tackling the giant sometimes, because the hardest thing I've ever had to start doing was taking care of me. The world isn't going to end because the dishes don't get done. I will probably get another opportunity to iron. But me time is scarce, and I need it to feel ok. Mainly, I try just to keep from beating myself up for most things. I have beat me enough. It hasn't done any good. So I need to try something else.
Baby steps. Hugs, Magic
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WOW!! Am I on this thread or what!! Pretty much all I keep up on is clothes and dishes.
My A gets pissed about the state of things, but the way I look at it is-- there are 2 adult living here. If he wants something done, he can do it.
Why should I spend my free time cleaning and cooking and taking care of the kids while he spends his free time drinking and sleeping it off?? Is that fair?
My A gets pissed about the state of things, but the way I look at it is-- there are 2 adult living here. If he wants something done, he can do it.
Why should I spend my free time cleaning and cooking and taking care of the kids while he spends his free time drinking and sleeping it off?? Is that fair?
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brightlight & magic
thanks for the responses. yes, taking me time is a tough thing to do, but you are right, we need it.
yes - just looking at the mess makes me crazy - lol especially when the ah is out working on a car he bought and feels that is more important than getting this abode in some semblance of order.
oh well, like you said magic, baby steps - but i want it all right now - boo hoo.
cwohio
thanks for the responses. yes, taking me time is a tough thing to do, but you are right, we need it.
yes - just looking at the mess makes me crazy - lol especially when the ah is out working on a car he bought and feels that is more important than getting this abode in some semblance of order.
oh well, like you said magic, baby steps - but i want it all right now - boo hoo.
cwohio
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I also replied in the other thread, but something I wanted to add here that I didn't add in the other post is this.
For me, I had come to a point where I no longer wanted chaos in my life. I wanted simplicity!
I decluttered my house like a woman on a mission! Figured it boiled down to the fact that the less I had - the less I had to deal with. If something had no purpose, value, or contribution to the household, it was not used, it was not needed, it was not wanted - OUT it went!
I started this last September and it's been almost a year. My house still gets a little messy and I still get behind on things, but it's a lot better than it used to be.
Now granted, my case be a little different than some of yours as my AH moved out the beginning of March and that only seemed to add fuel to my fire of getting my house and my life headed in the direction I wanted them to be going in. I knew what I wanted - and I was striving to reach those goals, one step at a time - one day at a time - one mess at a time - etc.
I can now say that my life is much more organized but more importantly - I have a whole lot more peace and lots less chaos.
What I did say in the other thread that I'll say again is that for ME, I noticed that my inner turmoil was showing itself through out my house. Anytime that I need a reality check, all I have to do is look around my house to see just how I'm doing in my recovery.
For me, I had come to a point where I no longer wanted chaos in my life. I wanted simplicity!
I decluttered my house like a woman on a mission! Figured it boiled down to the fact that the less I had - the less I had to deal with. If something had no purpose, value, or contribution to the household, it was not used, it was not needed, it was not wanted - OUT it went!
I started this last September and it's been almost a year. My house still gets a little messy and I still get behind on things, but it's a lot better than it used to be.
Now granted, my case be a little different than some of yours as my AH moved out the beginning of March and that only seemed to add fuel to my fire of getting my house and my life headed in the direction I wanted them to be going in. I knew what I wanted - and I was striving to reach those goals, one step at a time - one day at a time - one mess at a time - etc.
I can now say that my life is much more organized but more importantly - I have a whole lot more peace and lots less chaos.
What I did say in the other thread that I'll say again is that for ME, I noticed that my inner turmoil was showing itself through out my house. Anytime that I need a reality check, all I have to do is look around my house to see just how I'm doing in my recovery.
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standing - thanks for rhe reply. yes i feel the same way - what my house looks like reflects the inner me. thanks again for this thread and your previous one!
i will prevail and so will my recovery!
cwohio
i will prevail and so will my recovery!
cwohio
"learning to just be me"
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: corner of sanity and ...
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StandingStrong
My xA.OS stopped coming over when I got my boundaries in order, and actually stuck to them. He didn't like the one about illegal substances or the one about crashing on the couch. I asked myself "How important is it?". For me, the important things are still in my life, Al-Anon, the healthy relationships, college, and something I never had before--a relationship with my HP. ----I think the more I clean, the more I find things that need to be cleaned.
So... How important is it?
My xA.OS stopped coming over when I got my boundaries in order, and actually stuck to them. He didn't like the one about illegal substances or the one about crashing on the couch. I asked myself "How important is it?". For me, the important things are still in my life, Al-Anon, the healthy relationships, college, and something I never had before--a relationship with my HP. ----I think the more I clean, the more I find things that need to be cleaned.
So... How important is it?
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no - i know i should feel the way you do - cleaning is not that big a deal and i am, but it must be something else that i need to work on.
thanks for nudging me to see what is truly important and i will try to look at the world thru different eyes!
hugs - cwohio
thanks for nudging me to see what is truly important and i will try to look at the world thru different eyes!
hugs - cwohio
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Hi! I am totally nuts about the clutter in my house -I live alone with myself, so it is 100% my bag. Since last fall, I've been attacking/clearing/painting/redecor one room at the time. It's fabulous, except I'm at a stand still now. The basement and 2nd spare BR had become the dumping ground and the piles are HUGE. It's all 'stuff' that I want to organize and hang on to, but there is literally no place to put it. (Help, I need the Clean Sweep TV show!)
I went to one of those organization stores The Container Store for some motivation and ideas. That is as far as I've been. I know, I know -donate the good stuff to charity, they will come pick up. It's just tough to move all that stuff by myself and I can't recruit any help. I've gotta just do it -so do you!
Best Luck,
Red
I went to one of those organization stores The Container Store for some motivation and ideas. That is as far as I've been. I know, I know -donate the good stuff to charity, they will come pick up. It's just tough to move all that stuff by myself and I can't recruit any help. I've gotta just do it -so do you!
Best Luck,
Red
A picture's worth a 1000 words
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This is a good thread guys! What is the name of the other thread you guys are talking about??
I feel the same way. Growing up and in college I use to be such a mess maker and not much of a cleaner upper. Then I got back with my first love - my high school sweet heart and he wan an anal retentive neat freak. We were together for 3 and 1/2 years till I kicked him out a year ago. But he had a routine where he couldn't take a shower until the house was spotless and he couldn't go anywhere until he had a shower...so it was sometimes very frustrating when I just felt like getting up and going somewhere like the zoo or shopping or something on a day off.
However, getting and keeping a job was like a foreign concept to him, but at least I never had to worry about the house. He even vaccumed the entire house EVERY day!!! It was like our roles were reversed...I was the provider and he was the home maker.
Well for the last year without him, I've actually enjoyed keeping the house clutter free on my own. Forget vaccuming everyday though and forget windexing all the glass and mirrors, but my laundry stayed done and my house wasn't a mess until recently.
Recently, it's been a struggle to do anything more than get up and go to the bathroom before landing back on the couch and sleeping - depression, bad depression. And the first thing to go was taking care of myself and my home. It made me sick everyday to see it. Three weeks ago when I was in a manic state I cleaned everything from top to bottom and then some and the feeling of waking up to that the next morning was pure serenity! But that was the last time I felt like even showering.
Thank goodness for my mom who helped me a few days ago. She cleaned the livingroom and made my bed and what a difference in how it made me feel (guilty for her doing it, but very good not to have to look at it all day).
This past week I've actually been thinking of bringing my ex back to live with me while I go through the throws of this illness. At least the house would be clean and he would be there for me 24 hours a day while I go through this. It's such a tempting thought since he had been my best friend for several years (just not much else there, ya know).
But if I can tough it out, the doc said I should be back to normal in 4-6 weeks and I can go back to cleaning for myself.
I TOTALLY agree that an unruley home makes the depression that much harder to bare.
Standing Strong, thanks for the words... You are absolutely right when you said, "I noticed that my inner turmoil was showing itself through out my house. Anytime that I need a reality check, all I have to do is look around my house to see just how I'm doing in my recovery."
Thanks for that.
I feel the same way. Growing up and in college I use to be such a mess maker and not much of a cleaner upper. Then I got back with my first love - my high school sweet heart and he wan an anal retentive neat freak. We were together for 3 and 1/2 years till I kicked him out a year ago. But he had a routine where he couldn't take a shower until the house was spotless and he couldn't go anywhere until he had a shower...so it was sometimes very frustrating when I just felt like getting up and going somewhere like the zoo or shopping or something on a day off.
However, getting and keeping a job was like a foreign concept to him, but at least I never had to worry about the house. He even vaccumed the entire house EVERY day!!! It was like our roles were reversed...I was the provider and he was the home maker.
Well for the last year without him, I've actually enjoyed keeping the house clutter free on my own. Forget vaccuming everyday though and forget windexing all the glass and mirrors, but my laundry stayed done and my house wasn't a mess until recently.
Recently, it's been a struggle to do anything more than get up and go to the bathroom before landing back on the couch and sleeping - depression, bad depression. And the first thing to go was taking care of myself and my home. It made me sick everyday to see it. Three weeks ago when I was in a manic state I cleaned everything from top to bottom and then some and the feeling of waking up to that the next morning was pure serenity! But that was the last time I felt like even showering.
Thank goodness for my mom who helped me a few days ago. She cleaned the livingroom and made my bed and what a difference in how it made me feel (guilty for her doing it, but very good not to have to look at it all day).
This past week I've actually been thinking of bringing my ex back to live with me while I go through the throws of this illness. At least the house would be clean and he would be there for me 24 hours a day while I go through this. It's such a tempting thought since he had been my best friend for several years (just not much else there, ya know).
But if I can tough it out, the doc said I should be back to normal in 4-6 weeks and I can go back to cleaning for myself.
I TOTALLY agree that an unruley home makes the depression that much harder to bare.
Standing Strong, thanks for the words... You are absolutely right when you said, "I noticed that my inner turmoil was showing itself through out my house. Anytime that I need a reality check, all I have to do is look around my house to see just how I'm doing in my recovery."
Thanks for that.
"learning to just be me"
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: corner of sanity and ...
Posts: 66
Originally Posted by shutterbug
1) What is the name of the other thread you guys are talking about??
2) However, getting and keeping a job was like a foreign concept to him, but at least I never had to worry about the house. He even vaccumed the entire house EVERY day!!! It was like our roles were reversed...I was the provider and he was the home maker.
3) Thank goodness for my mom who helped me a few days ago. She cleaned the livingroom and made my bed and what a difference in how it made me feel (guilty for her doing it, but very good not to have to look at it all day).
2) However, getting and keeping a job was like a foreign concept to him, but at least I never had to worry about the house. He even vaccumed the entire house EVERY day!!! It was like our roles were reversed...I was the provider and he was the home maker.
3) Thank goodness for my mom who helped me a few days ago. She cleaned the livingroom and made my bed and what a difference in how it made me feel (guilty for her doing it, but very good not to have to look at it all day).
2)None of my a's brought home paychecks very often either- great cleaners though. Mine didn't cook much but could BBQ.
3) Here are some get well
to brighten your day, for you and your clean living room. Glad to hear the positive news from the doc!
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The connection between inner turmoil and clutter rang true with me this afternoon when I first read this thread. As I thought about it, I realized that my house really is a reflection of me. At first appearance, everything is clean and well decorated, but look into any cupboard, closet or drawer and it is total chaos. See if you met me, you would think I had it all together (successful career, nice clothes, beautiful home, professional husband, great kids) but get to know me and the mess starts showing (don't need to tell you guys what's hidden behind closed doors).
So I shut down the computer and headed to the nearest closet, tore it all apart, edited its contents via the trash can and goodwill box, and reorganized. Man that felt good. Wish it was that easy with the rest of my life. Baby steps. One closet at a time. One problem at a time. I can do it. You can do it. Live strong.
So I shut down the computer and headed to the nearest closet, tore it all apart, edited its contents via the trash can and goodwill box, and reorganized. Man that felt good. Wish it was that easy with the rest of my life. Baby steps. One closet at a time. One problem at a time. I can do it. You can do it. Live strong.
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givingup - that's exactly my story - clean to the eye but don't open a cupboard or closet. i will get better both in my house abd my mind! thanks everyone for the encouragement!
hugs - cwohio
hugs - cwohio
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Join Date: May 2004
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When we bought our house 8 years ago we had moved from a tiny 1 bedroom bungalow to a 3 bedroom rancher. We had to buy furniture. Then I found Ebay and started selling. What a mess!! We bought a 10 x 16 shed to keep it all in. It's still full because of course I lost interest in selling (but not buying) 
My house is decorated in American Chaos. I have been getting better and have been making progress. I have so many clothes that I have broken the closet rod 3 times. B/F said it must have been his 5 shirts in there that did that. At last count I had over 50 pair of shoes. I have decided to not buy any more shoes for awhile. When we finished the garage apartment and moved my mom in last year she had 2 houses full of stuff to get rid of so we had an auction and I took a lot of my stuff there. My biggest problem is paper. I have 2 filing cabinets in my room (where my computer is) and have never set up a proper filing system so I stuff everything everywhere. I'm off till Thursday this week so MAYBE I'll get to it.
My house is decorated in American Chaos. I have been getting better and have been making progress. I have so many clothes that I have broken the closet rod 3 times. B/F said it must have been his 5 shirts in there that did that. At last count I had over 50 pair of shoes. I have decided to not buy any more shoes for awhile. When we finished the garage apartment and moved my mom in last year she had 2 houses full of stuff to get rid of so we had an auction and I took a lot of my stuff there. My biggest problem is paper. I have 2 filing cabinets in my room (where my computer is) and have never set up a proper filing system so I stuff everything everywhere. I'm off till Thursday this week so MAYBE I'll get to it.
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