clutter
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Woodbridge, VA
Posts: 14
This is a good topic. I too have had the need to clean, redecorate, and change my house around. My AH talked about how messing and unclean my house is. I was mad many times when he didn't do or continue doing the cleaning to help, afterall he wasn't paying rent. When he moved out, it was without notice and spent the next 45 days wondering what I did to cause him to leave afterall I had accepted his using and half working. Just wanted him to come home every day. That didn't happen all the time. Well, anyway I have changed several rooms around, got them clean, and even bought a new car pledging not to let him drive or get in. But he does. Smokes cigarettes, burns my mats, and then doesn't offer to clean the vehicles no more. So I feel depressed that he uses me and destroys my stuff in seconds. Now that I have the protective order, the chance of coming back like he did is lessened. But it is hard to change around or buy new linen again. I want to move, but finacially unable to do so. I did manage to land a new job but it is difficult to do what I need to do due to the legal actions ongoing and the depression I keep sepping into.
Well, I hope to utilize some of the events some of you are doing to clean the clutter out of my heart, home, and life. A great topic. Thanks.
Well, I hope to utilize some of the events some of you are doing to clean the clutter out of my heart, home, and life. A great topic. Thanks.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
oh wow-
My H is enlarging my bathroom talk about mess and clutter it is going to be so much bigger and even more beautiful too. I am just going to have to hang in there with it....
My H is enlarging my bathroom talk about mess and clutter it is going to be so much bigger and even more beautiful too. I am just going to have to hang in there with it....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Winchester, TN
Posts: 62
Clutter
Friends of Chaos...let's give ourselves a big group hug..we deserve it. I have one of the messiest homes in the world. It bothers me daily. But my life now is total chaos and hell...worrying about an addicted family member...my daughter. I work as a teacher and have to "have it together" each day in the classroom. That takes a lot out of me. I do at least one thing for myself each day...I go to Curves, a 30 minutes exercise class. I try not to miss that. When I get home, I am generally exhaused. i keep the laundry done, the dishes done, and get an occasional spurt of energy and do some task like the bathrooms, dusting, only one thing at a time..the irritating thing is that it never stays clean..it insists on getting messy again. The front of our home, a large one in an afluent neighborhood, is picked up and looks fine...entry way, great room, formal dining room (so long as you don't visit in bright sunshine and notice all the cobwebs and dustbunnies (unfortunately, the rooms are full of windows that go from ceiling to floor...no shortage of light in our abode.). But as several of you said..under that seeming order is a total mess. Bookcases, closets, cabinets...all are brimming full of clutter. I want to clean ( that is a lie...I hate to clean). My husband terminated our housekeeper of 20 years because he knew as did I that she had been stealing from us in small ways for years. Nothing important from my side of things...but some very meaningful things from him. He was going to "help" keep the house up...we all know where that led..he is just too busy trying to keep the outside looking presentable...there have been times when we were sure our neighbors were going to ask us to leave since our house was a eyesore. My husband also has a greenhouse at a separate location (our snotty neighborhood won't even all one to have a clothes line, all gargages must open to the side or back..many picky rules. So for the last few years..the house has been getting dirtier and dirtier. i hope I will one day get a burr up my backside that spurs me on to cleaning this place. We could have a dump truck pull up and just throw out all the extra clutter...we have so much that anything less than a quicky throw away seems impossible. Bagging things would take too many bags. So don't feel badly..you are in good company. And it has occurred to me that part of the pain of dealing with alcoholism or addiction is letting the house go...we only have so much energy and so much of it is spent on the disease that a dirty house seems minor. Our bodies and minds are doing what they can without just going on crazy overload. I think it is all part of the process of living in the world of an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Thanks frannie for your last sentences........I feel better now.
At work my cashier drawer has to be just so. And the check stand clean. I really hate to come to work and find my work area in chaos.But at home I have two filing cabinets full of papers...alot which need to be thrown out and never get to it. I just keep tossing more in there and closing the doors.I DO something everyday to clean around the house but it NEVER looks great. I come home from work and see HIM passed out on the couch and I would rather visit here than clean. I have committed myself to working out everyday and I am feeling better about myself. I would much rather do that than clean too.Maybe one of these days.......
At work my cashier drawer has to be just so. And the check stand clean. I really hate to come to work and find my work area in chaos.But at home I have two filing cabinets full of papers...alot which need to be thrown out and never get to it. I just keep tossing more in there and closing the doors.I DO something everyday to clean around the house but it NEVER looks great. I come home from work and see HIM passed out on the couch and I would rather visit here than clean. I have committed myself to working out everyday and I am feeling better about myself. I would much rather do that than clean too.Maybe one of these days.......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
matters - i guess we all need to do what we feel is most important to us - you are working out and that is great. i used to and quit, but need to get back on the stick.
i guess i was having a "bad hair day"
and let the clutter overwhelm me. like myself - i will work on the stuff i can control (certain rooms, areas of the house) and the rest i will "let go and let God"!
cwohio
i guess i was having a "bad hair day"
and let the clutter overwhelm me. like myself - i will work on the stuff i can control (certain rooms, areas of the house) and the rest i will "let go and let God"!cwohio
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Making life easier...
I posted this originally in the mental health forum, but wanted to share it with you guys. It's just a little list of things that can help make life a little easier when dealing with depression.
____
Recognize that there may be certain times of the day when you feel better and use that to your advantage.
Break large tasks into smaller ones; set priorities and take things one at a time; avoid taking on too much responsibility and setting overly difficult goals.
Try not to expect too much from yourself so as to lessen any feeling of failure you may have.
Activities such as exercise, attending sports or cultural events or participating in a religious or social event can help you feel better. It is important not to overdo it; feeling better takes time.
Avoid alcohol and non-prescribed drugs. This kind of self-medication may provide a temporary "high", but in the end will intensify depression.
If affected with Depressive disorders, you may feel exhausted, worthless, helpless and hopeless. You may feel like giving up. It is important to realize that these symptoms and negative thinking are part of depression. When treatment begins to take effect, the negative thinking fades.
____
Many here may be suffering from normal depression from emotional situations or exhaustion from over-extending yourselves (as I use to do) and you may not have clinical depression, but I think some of these tips may be adaptable to many different life situations.
(note: this information was copy and pasted from another Web site. I am unable to list the link to the site because it was discovered the site was one where they solicited donations - which is against the SR rules. But I hope you may still find the information useful.)
Hugs to everyone,
Jenna
____
Recognize that there may be certain times of the day when you feel better and use that to your advantage.
Break large tasks into smaller ones; set priorities and take things one at a time; avoid taking on too much responsibility and setting overly difficult goals.
Try not to expect too much from yourself so as to lessen any feeling of failure you may have.
Activities such as exercise, attending sports or cultural events or participating in a religious or social event can help you feel better. It is important not to overdo it; feeling better takes time.
Avoid alcohol and non-prescribed drugs. This kind of self-medication may provide a temporary "high", but in the end will intensify depression.
If affected with Depressive disorders, you may feel exhausted, worthless, helpless and hopeless. You may feel like giving up. It is important to realize that these symptoms and negative thinking are part of depression. When treatment begins to take effect, the negative thinking fades.
____
Many here may be suffering from normal depression from emotional situations or exhaustion from over-extending yourselves (as I use to do) and you may not have clinical depression, but I think some of these tips may be adaptable to many different life situations.
(note: this information was copy and pasted from another Web site. I am unable to list the link to the site because it was discovered the site was one where they solicited donations - which is against the SR rules. But I hope you may still find the information useful.)
Hugs to everyone,
Jenna
The Tot Lot
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 6
OMG!!! I can so relate to this thread.
I've been saying all year that our house had too much *stuff*. What my AH did was start selling/pawning it to support his habit! It did get it out of the house, but I was blind as to what was really going on.
So now that I've gotten stuff out of pawn that I really wanted, I've started going through the house 1 room at a time. It feels good, but can be overwhelming.
While I should be concentrating on myself, this is therapy for me. For me, cluttered house = cluttered head. With the progress I've made in the house, I'm actually starting to feel more positive about my AH's treatment. Not to mention my kids are behaving much better now too! (how'd that happen?
I've gotten it scheduled for the handrail for the steps to be installed and a cabinet for our wet bar upstairs to be completed -- three years in the making. The next big project will be re-doing the bedroom/master bath. I want to take all the pictures of family/friends out and paint it. Hoping that it will be a fresh start for AH and I.
I've been saying all year that our house had too much *stuff*. What my AH did was start selling/pawning it to support his habit! It did get it out of the house, but I was blind as to what was really going on.
So now that I've gotten stuff out of pawn that I really wanted, I've started going through the house 1 room at a time. It feels good, but can be overwhelming.
While I should be concentrating on myself, this is therapy for me. For me, cluttered house = cluttered head. With the progress I've made in the house, I'm actually starting to feel more positive about my AH's treatment. Not to mention my kids are behaving much better now too! (how'd that happen?
I've gotten it scheduled for the handrail for the steps to be installed and a cabinet for our wet bar upstairs to be completed -- three years in the making. The next big project will be re-doing the bedroom/master bath. I want to take all the pictures of family/friends out and paint it. Hoping that it will be a fresh start for AH and I.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 33
I have the it but the other way around....I have my house so clean that I have to much time, and I end up just sitting with my thoughts...not good for me....but with just me and the dog its hard to get it messy
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Lilly, that is wonderful that you have a hard time getting the place messy. I'm so VERY jealous because my life/house are completely out of control!
When you get stuck in your thoughts, are there any things you can do to take your mind to more pleasant things...watch a movie, go for a walk, do something creative, start a project, drive through the country....anything?
When you get stuck in your thoughts, are there any things you can do to take your mind to more pleasant things...watch a movie, go for a walk, do something creative, start a project, drive through the country....anything?
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