Ladywind

So, I am a mess, (on meds, I do see a light at the end of the tunnel)
Now that the drama has ended, (no contact) everything has caught up with me.
like a train slamming into me. I feel so fragile.

I would really like to know how long this lasts?

freetosmile

It will last a while chica, sorry...... But the good news is that you've done what a lot of us here have been unable to do and the ones that have are finally finding serenity.
It will come. Hang in there. There is no time line on this one, I'm sorry. But you are so strong to do this. Stick with it!!
Hugs!

Ladywind

Thank you

HHTexas

I remember reading one time that separation/divorce is as stressful as death of a spouse. I can only imagine it being all the more crazy with an alcoholic mixed in. Prayers for you ❤️ Go easy on yourself. One foot in front of the next.

blondeblonde80

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. My break up with my exA was the most painful thing I have ever been through. I basically crawled into an Alanon meeting crying for help. Btwn some therapy, meetings and this place, I'm finally on the mend and starting to come out on the other side (it's been about 5 months). My advice is talk about it as much as you can, it helps give yourself perspective and gain some clarity. The cliche of time healing is real thing... It does pass! As much as I miss my ex sometimes I'm also starting to have the feeling of freedom from all of the sickness that I never even realized I was so sucked into. You're going to be better and healthier in the long run because of all of this...

FeelingGreat

Yeah I had a mini breakdown where I was in the waiting room of the doctors and he was running late, and I started crying and couldn't stop for hours. I found a new doc that day who was wonderful though (not the one who kept me waiting).
Your frozen, can't get out of bed breakdown tends to happen when you're powerless (in my opinion), and even though a separation and divorce is stressful, you are taking power into your own hands.

Ladywind

Funny, I know I will be ok, just time..... thank you

BunnyNest

I completely fell apart when I finally decided/realized it was over. I cried for weeks and was so sad and depressed. I'm so glad I had been in my recovery leading up to that point, because that allowed me to be sad, feel my feelings and mourn the loss of the relationship. I did the bare minimum and just babied myself.
Take very good care of yourself.

Lilro

Oh Lady, I feel your pain. Big hug to you. Know that you are not alone. You'll get there, it's just going to take some time. Be kind to yourself.

redatlanta

For me personally when going through stressful situations I bottle that stress up in order to carry on. When the stressful event ends all that "bottled up"yuck comes out. I used to think it was weird that i would be fine in high stress times and then later would lose it; however, now I think its very normal. Wouldn't be surprised that this is what you are going though.

I suggest meditation and deep breathing for 15 to 30 mins a day visualizing positive thoughts as well as exercise. It helps a lot!

huntingtontx

A break up is a roller coaster ride for sure. One minute, you are happy, knowing you did the right thing, next crying wondering if you did the right thing. It will pass, but it does take time. I found writing all my feelings down helped a lot. Hang in there.

noinsanity2423

Yeah. I doubted myself a lot, too, but in the end I had to weigh the bad and the good. Leaving doesn't mean it was all bad, it just means that the bad was so terrible that it outweighed the good parts. I think that's what we grieve. I never once missed the bad, but leaving the good is what really hurt the most. I still have that pain sometimes, too, and I expect it will be around for a while. Although, all I can do now is work on myself and not let that pain lead me into the same habits of the one that hurt me.

CarryThatWeight

Thank you for this thread. I am in the same boat, moving out next week. I especially like what was said about the bad greatly outweighing the good. Losing the good hurts a lot. In addition, losing a marriage, no matter how bad it was, still feels like everything has come crashing down. You have to rebuild your life and basically start over. For every new beginning, there must be an ending, but wow, endings are painful. My family doesn't seem to understand why I cry and grieve this loss because now I will be free from all the abuse. But it's still a loss, and I am trying hard to experience the grief when it comes instead of stuffing it down. That's when I have total breakdowns, when I lie to myself and pretend everything is fine. You can only keep up that level of self deception for so long. Anyway, OP, no words of wisdom here, just know you're not alone. Sometimes it helps me to know I'm not the only one who is feeling this pain and having to rebuild. One day at a time for both of us right now.

9111111

When you eat lunch at the same place everyday, and they only serve beans, potatoes and sometimes cold water, beans or potatoes can suddenly start to look like a pretty decent meal. However it's not until you decide to stop going to that lunchplace until you will find out how good chocolate cake tastes...Nothing against beans and potatoes, but life is too short

healthyagain

It will definitely pass. I keep reminding myself why I left. It is like making a list. And this time, I put my head in charge, and of course my heart feels miserable. But the heart got me into trouble in the first place. And I know 100% that I did the right thing. I left an abusive alcoholic who turned out to be a pathological liar and a big time manipulator. I would never start a family with this man (I think he was undermining us in a way), and in the end, I would become his caretaker. I still love some aspects of his personality, I miss some nice moments we spent together, but the truth is, there are more bad memories of him, everything that happened. And at certain point, you have to stand up for yourself. And the man I once loved is gone. It is like an alien possessed my ex husband's body.

But life really goes on. You have no other choice than live it. And in a way, it feels like the HP gave me a second chance (or I gave myself a second chance), to right the wrong, to put myself back on the right track, to simply be happy.

And why not?

Liveitwell

Healthy again-thank you for your words! Right on, sister. Have a great day!

NYCDoglvr

A big hug. The pain is tremendous but I promise, it does pass. Just cry and be still for a while.

Tansy

I can only speak for how it was for me. I split with exah a year last June. I lost everything. ( threads about it on here somewhere) My home, my kids, my animals, my friends where I used to live. .... everything. My family disowned me.

At first I was a shaky mess. That numbed down to feeling ...er..nothing.. for weeks. Then I turned back to shaky mess for about 2 months. Eventually, by doing voluntary work, making friends everywhere I forced myself to go and being kind to myself I started to feel the old me I'd forgotten existed come back. I now have my kids back. We live in an old fairly run down apartment in a dubious part of town but it's our home, our lives and I am grinning as I type this cos we are answerable to no one and we make our own lives. Exah no longer rules and we are happy. I come in from my voluntary job and put the dinner on. We eat in peace. We sleep in peace. I can go out and meet friends and not worry about what is going on at home cos nothing is. There is no one here getting drunk, picking fights or banging around. My boys are calm and happy. We chat, play games..go places....do all the things that we never did when we lives with exah.

You WILL get there. The bad days will be outweighed by the good. Every now and then you will be floored by an unexpected bad day but they will get fewer and further between. I lost everything but I've never been happier now.

unsureoffuture

I have had multiple "mini meltdowns"since leaving and its been about 6 months. They just keep cropping up as I adjust to the knew lifestyle. I have good days and bad days. Its tough doing it all on your own after being in a relationship for so long but I now have serenity and calmness.