Spoiling Myself with Something Frivolous
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Update: 
Best thing I've EVER done for myself, bar none!
I am elated with the results. It is VERY subtle & the perfect compliment to the huge changes I've made this year. (Recap in case you missed it: Back in April/May I decided to give myself a full year to tackle my health. Under Dr supervision I did 90 days on a low-dose appetite suppressant (I actually stopped early) to help me get off the plateau I'd been on for too long. Since then I've dropped about 30 lbs, reduced my BMI by 5.5% & have slowly reduced my thyroid meds as my weight dropped & my overall health picked up in other areas. I've dropped from a size 12/pushing 14 to a 6/sometimes 4. I can breathe! I've nearly cut my meds in half as of my last round of blood work.
These laser treatments are purely cosmetic body sculpting, targeting exact areas & not a weight loss method. It has helped me stay committed to exercise so that I know that I am putting 100% into the results. In the beginning, I couldn't walk around the block without feeling like collapsing. Now I'm up to a 5-mile walk with no problem & I've started running! I added free weights & I'm starting to see definition in my arms, abs & shoulders. I am STRONG. RAH & I were play-wrestling last week & he couldn't quite hide the shock of finding that I was not so easy to throw around when I anchored myself.
I have used every session as a meditation & focused solely on letting go of what no longer serves me & accepting myself as-is, right now, flaws & all.
(Potential triggers re: sexual abuse ahead)
Something that I never understood until recently is that I was raised to feel shame about my body because that was how my mother felt about hers. Now that I know about her abuse, I have been able to connect a lot of dots that I could not make sense of before. I saw how my ACoA role complicated my life but I am still digging into the dysfunction that happens when severely sexually abused girls raise daughters.... because THAT'S even bigger for my life. Her abuse was greater, her habits more ingrained, her denial huge. While I'm so happy to finally know the truth, there's a part of me that is just starting to feel incredible anger over a lot of things. I understand, but I'm still angry.
I was taught to cover up, hide & never have pride or vanity in my physical body - those that did were disgusting & selfish. A woman with a beautiful body wearing a completely appropriate bathing suit was judged as a disgusting pig who just wanted to make everyone else feel bad about themselves. A woman who was a little heavier & not hiding it was gross & should know better. There was no safe zone for normal body acceptance or development, zero middle ground. Hell, when my sister started going & getting pedicures years ago I rolled my eyes & judged her harshly for being so indulgent. Must be nice to just run around wasting money like you don't have a care in the world! (what embarrassing behavior)
Going through puberty with a mother that alternately tried to hide my changing body or ignore that anything was even happening was psychologically damaging to the way I accept myself. I developed curves early (just like I'm watching DD do - much of her development is triggering me to reparent those parts of myself.) but all I ever knew was that it disgusted her how quickly I outgrew my clothing or how nothing ever seemed to fit right. (they were not exactly making little girl's clothes curvier for the early-puberty girl in those days, lol.)
I started migraines at age 10 - violent, tunnel-vision, rapid onset migraines. After EKG's, CT scans, vision tests, etc. when they told my mother there was nothing neurologically wrong with me & that we needed to consult a gynecologist because this was hormonal, she simply responded, "No. We won't be doing that."... and that was the end of trying to figure out my migraines. Instead she treated it as though they were neurologically based - removing all chocolate, caffeine, etc from my diet (not the rest of the family) for 2 years before finally giving up because it made no difference.
Anyway - these are the kinds of AHA moments I'm drilling down to. Uncovering the voice that has been driving my emotional eating like the Man Behind The Curtain really zapped all it's power away. With every awareness, that voice quiets a bit more & now I can't remember the last time I emotionally binged on food. In fact, it's the opposite. I find that I hear my body FAR more clearly, recognizing the difference between hunger & cravings & acknowledging when I'm full. Actually stepping away. Getting emotional & not running to the pantry. There's no background noise, jamming my signal any longer.
I mentioned the mudras in an earlier post & I am finding them to be super helpful. (and the dedicated time is wonderful for learning) Mudras are another component of the yoga sutra, but here in the western world we kind of pick & choose a la carte rather than embracing it fully. (Here's a good summary: The Eight Limbs of Yoga, A Basic Overview) I started my practice with a more traditional yogini & our classes were never less than 90 mins, starting & ending with meditation. I plan on getting back to those classes after the holidays, after I've finished all the awesomeness that I'm working on right now.
I also found a great company out of Oregon that sells fantastic natural henna for hair coloring. I have been so tired of the drab color that my natural red has been fading into over all the years in the FL sun so after discussing with a stylist, I decided to go for it. I don't want to start dying it with chemicals - I haven't used so much as a hair dryer on my hair in more than 25 years. I use minimal product. This is a GREAT alternative because it turned out so close to my own natural color & it really isn't very different at all.... just a brightening, if you will. My best friend & I got together last weekend & she couldn't get over how natural it is & how it just looks like my hair got 10 years younger, lol.
See? I told you I was on a Me Binge! There's my always-overlong update!
Best thing I've EVER done for myself, bar none!
I am elated with the results. It is VERY subtle & the perfect compliment to the huge changes I've made this year. (Recap in case you missed it: Back in April/May I decided to give myself a full year to tackle my health. Under Dr supervision I did 90 days on a low-dose appetite suppressant (I actually stopped early) to help me get off the plateau I'd been on for too long. Since then I've dropped about 30 lbs, reduced my BMI by 5.5% & have slowly reduced my thyroid meds as my weight dropped & my overall health picked up in other areas. I've dropped from a size 12/pushing 14 to a 6/sometimes 4. I can breathe! I've nearly cut my meds in half as of my last round of blood work.
These laser treatments are purely cosmetic body sculpting, targeting exact areas & not a weight loss method. It has helped me stay committed to exercise so that I know that I am putting 100% into the results. In the beginning, I couldn't walk around the block without feeling like collapsing. Now I'm up to a 5-mile walk with no problem & I've started running! I added free weights & I'm starting to see definition in my arms, abs & shoulders. I am STRONG. RAH & I were play-wrestling last week & he couldn't quite hide the shock of finding that I was not so easy to throw around when I anchored myself.
I have used every session as a meditation & focused solely on letting go of what no longer serves me & accepting myself as-is, right now, flaws & all.
(Potential triggers re: sexual abuse ahead)
Something that I never understood until recently is that I was raised to feel shame about my body because that was how my mother felt about hers. Now that I know about her abuse, I have been able to connect a lot of dots that I could not make sense of before. I saw how my ACoA role complicated my life but I am still digging into the dysfunction that happens when severely sexually abused girls raise daughters.... because THAT'S even bigger for my life. Her abuse was greater, her habits more ingrained, her denial huge. While I'm so happy to finally know the truth, there's a part of me that is just starting to feel incredible anger over a lot of things. I understand, but I'm still angry.
I was taught to cover up, hide & never have pride or vanity in my physical body - those that did were disgusting & selfish. A woman with a beautiful body wearing a completely appropriate bathing suit was judged as a disgusting pig who just wanted to make everyone else feel bad about themselves. A woman who was a little heavier & not hiding it was gross & should know better. There was no safe zone for normal body acceptance or development, zero middle ground. Hell, when my sister started going & getting pedicures years ago I rolled my eyes & judged her harshly for being so indulgent. Must be nice to just run around wasting money like you don't have a care in the world! (what embarrassing behavior)
Going through puberty with a mother that alternately tried to hide my changing body or ignore that anything was even happening was psychologically damaging to the way I accept myself. I developed curves early (just like I'm watching DD do - much of her development is triggering me to reparent those parts of myself.) but all I ever knew was that it disgusted her how quickly I outgrew my clothing or how nothing ever seemed to fit right. (they were not exactly making little girl's clothes curvier for the early-puberty girl in those days, lol.)
I started migraines at age 10 - violent, tunnel-vision, rapid onset migraines. After EKG's, CT scans, vision tests, etc. when they told my mother there was nothing neurologically wrong with me & that we needed to consult a gynecologist because this was hormonal, she simply responded, "No. We won't be doing that."... and that was the end of trying to figure out my migraines. Instead she treated it as though they were neurologically based - removing all chocolate, caffeine, etc from my diet (not the rest of the family) for 2 years before finally giving up because it made no difference.
Anyway - these are the kinds of AHA moments I'm drilling down to. Uncovering the voice that has been driving my emotional eating like the Man Behind The Curtain really zapped all it's power away. With every awareness, that voice quiets a bit more & now I can't remember the last time I emotionally binged on food. In fact, it's the opposite. I find that I hear my body FAR more clearly, recognizing the difference between hunger & cravings & acknowledging when I'm full. Actually stepping away. Getting emotional & not running to the pantry. There's no background noise, jamming my signal any longer.
I mentioned the mudras in an earlier post & I am finding them to be super helpful. (and the dedicated time is wonderful for learning) Mudras are another component of the yoga sutra, but here in the western world we kind of pick & choose a la carte rather than embracing it fully. (Here's a good summary: The Eight Limbs of Yoga, A Basic Overview) I started my practice with a more traditional yogini & our classes were never less than 90 mins, starting & ending with meditation. I plan on getting back to those classes after the holidays, after I've finished all the awesomeness that I'm working on right now.
I also found a great company out of Oregon that sells fantastic natural henna for hair coloring. I have been so tired of the drab color that my natural red has been fading into over all the years in the FL sun so after discussing with a stylist, I decided to go for it. I don't want to start dying it with chemicals - I haven't used so much as a hair dryer on my hair in more than 25 years. I use minimal product. This is a GREAT alternative because it turned out so close to my own natural color & it really isn't very different at all.... just a brightening, if you will. My best friend & I got together last weekend & she couldn't get over how natural it is & how it just looks like my hair got 10 years younger, lol.
See? I told you I was on a Me Binge! There's my always-overlong update!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I LOVE LOVE this update! Without even knowing what you look like, I need to throw out a HUBBA-HUBBA!!! - you sound beautiful to YOU, and I can SEE IT in your voice! Thanks for sharing! Our childhoods sound so similar that it's making me question the level of abuse my mother went through before meeting my dad. Anywho - I LOVE seeing this update!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Oh yeah Baby, I am Titanium; bulletproof. 
My confidence is pretty high these days & that's not an area that I suffered greatly, ha! It is a different kind of confidence though, feels more permanent, goes deeper.
Definitely getting lots of unexpected/unwanted attention - last week a guy tried to give me his number at a red light. Really?? No.
My confidence is pretty high these days & that's not an area that I suffered greatly, ha! It is a different kind of confidence though, feels more permanent, goes deeper.
Definitely getting lots of unexpected/unwanted attention - last week a guy tried to give me his number at a red light. Really?? No.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by FireSprite 
last week a guy tried to give me his number at a red light. Really?? No.
You'll be so happy you did this for yourself. I lost 60 pounds years ago, and my skin was so saggy it was grossing me out (not to mention, it was horrible for getting clothes to fit). I had a tummy tuck, and it was some of the best money I've ever spent. I've gained back a bit of weight, but even if I'm a bit saggy this time it won't be nearly as bad (I haven't had any more kids in the meantime, for one thing).
My clothes fit better and I feel better looking in the mirror.
So, good for you!
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