Pia

AH called this morning and unfortunately Mr. Number app failed and didn't block the call , he left me a voicemail and I listened to it.

He starts off by saying " I guess your still mad at me and not talking to me"

Really being gone for over a month and it's my fault???? But what really amazes me is how normal this was in our relationship. I feel I was just as sick and I wasn't under any influences...

Lilro

Ugh!!! That's all I got......

amy55

I got this all the time. He would disappear, just disappear for a month or more, would'nt call me, or answer the phone, then would show up back home and tell me that he thought that I should be over things by now since we didn't fight in the last month.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))
amy

Pia

What gets me is don't these men talk to family/friends or anyone and at any point tell them what they are doing is wrong or do they tell them it's ok?

amy55

Awww, Pia, ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))).
Yes they may talk to others, but know that when he does that he is blaming you for everything.

Mine used to b!tch that I threw him out of the house. Well, OK. I am 5'3, he was 6'4, and I threw him out of the house. We didn't have house keys, we just came in through the garage. Automatic door opener. He had his. When I started to lock doors, he climbed in through the windows. Even broke 2. And...................this was all my fault.

He went and got lost for a month, now he wants to blame you, and he is back for a "booty" call.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
amy

Pia

Amy55- Your right the stories my AH can make up. 6'4 wow big dude.

Looking back I seriously don't know where the heck I have been. I can remember a lot of horrible incidents but how I survived I don't know how!!!

amy55

I liked the title of your thread. "I learned by listening".

See, I wasn't listening. I just wanted the war to be over with. The disappearing thing, that really is the "silent treatment". I started to feel so happy that he was actually talking to me again.

I wasn't "listening".

I was playing his game. He would come home, we would talk, (or should I say, as much as he was capable of putting up with), then the "booty call" to soothe his wounds, then everything was back to the way that he wanted things to be.

Just think about this Pia. Think about how many times you went through this. Did anything change?

amy

Pia

Your right Amy55- He said if I didn't want him to come home to talk and sort things out that he would agree to meet me at the park. needless to say I didn't and won't be returning his call. It really upset me that my phone didn't automatically reject his call. He wasn't calling me to say sorry or he saw the light, he was calling to use me. He was always so good with chewing me up and then spitting me out once he was done.

amy55

I do want to apologize if I seem to be being blunt here. I usually don't do that. I do have empathy for you,, and that is the reason that I am replying. I have btdt.

Reality is, you were subjected to the silent treatment. It was used as punishment or manipulation. I think if you tried to really look back at any arguments or disagreements that you've had, that none of them ever really had a resolution. It may have had promises, but nothing has ever changed, and his tactics just got increasingly worse.

Have you ever read the book, Why Does He Do That? Lundy Bancroft?

amy

Pia

Amy55- I didn't take offense to anything you said. I am a point where I don't take things as if I am being attacked, I appreciate your point of view as the same as others as well.

At first he would promise me the moon and nothing got resolved,he was never sober enough to have a conversation.

I feel it really boils down to he didn't want this relationship anymore for whatever his reason was and he stopped trying years ago. Addict or non addict he didn't participate and did everything he could whether intentionally or not to destroy this marriage.

And now he is bored or ran out of $$ or got himself in trouble and no one wants to help him so he is calling. The person I knew and use to look up to fell off his pedestal and is flopping around and can't get up.

amy55

Pia,

I just want to tell you how I had felt at those times where he would actually acknowledge my existence again. I fell for everything. The silent treatment is the worst. The running away from home, the worst.

It leaves you living in a limboland.

I just want you to know that I will be here for you.

You are a person, and you mean a lot to me.

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy