katie44

My life is a mess right now. Beyond stressed ! I am the mother of a 27 year old drug addict who has been battling addiction since the age of 16. I am married to a functioning alcoholic. He has not drank in 7 years, however he is a dry drunk. I was your typical codependent wife and mother. On the outside I pretended all was well. We were self employed which made it easier. He was a good supporter, however he was never home. He used work as an excuse for not coming home. I would not allow alcohol in the home, thinking I was hiding his drinking. He would just not come home all night. I begged , pleaded, poured it out, made deals ie: if you don't drink for two days you can drink the 3rd. I look back at how absolutely pityful I was. He consistently made broken promises to me and our children. His booze buddies and the golf courses were more important. He cheated on me 7 years ago, has had three impaired charges. The last time he went to court he was convicted. I have been driving him for 7 years back and fourth too work we work together in a family run business. The first 5 years I felt I was in control and could finally relax knowing he was not drinking. The last two years I have been extremely resentful towards him. He has slipped up drinking at least once a year in the last 7 years. I have been in codepency counselling
the past 6 months. I realize now every decision I made was based on my decisions. My spouse admits drinking has caused a major issue over the years, however he has not admitted he is an alcoholic. He has never gone to counselling over our son. He has apoligized for the past howver it is not sincere. He takes no responsibility for his actions ever. It is always some one else fault ( typical of someone who has never gotten help ) This past weekend I gave him a ride to work, come to find out he sent one of our employees to the beer store. He then sat with them telling them about his past which is certainly none of anyones business. He then justified it too me they hardly drank anything, He was working hard whats the big deal ? Too me it is major. Am I overacting ? I am beyond exhausted our business is on the brink of closing, my son is a mess. I know I can not control anyone of this. Im just so angry at the decisions I made in my life that brought me too this. My marriage is not a marriage its a business relationship. I suppose the reson that I have tried to control my spouse is fear of loosing the business. Im sorry for going in in this post, just a bad day. I feel like packing everything in and leaving. The best part of driving for 7 years is he no appreciation, he said well you have to go to work anyhow ? I have not taken a sick day off, drove through storms, drove with anxiety just no appreciation. He always says well I work harder than you ?

SparkleKitty

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

it sounds like your business concerns have kept you tied into a marriage where your needs are not met and the prospects of them being met are low. What would a future free of this marriage look like for you?

katie44

There is absolutely no way that I can live with an alcoholic in active use. He thinks the reason I am talking separation right now is due to money issues. In the last two years I have looked at him differently. He takes no responsibility for anything. 7 years ago when he was actively drinking, he made me sick. He was the big shot, know it all. I am angry right now, angry at myself, angry at him. His stunt on Saturday brought back all the weekends he would sit at work with his buddies and get drunk, the nights I waited and he was a no show. I love my son dearly, however I carry much guilt over him. I think if he was not raised in an alcoholic home this wouldn't have happened. I do know there are other factors. I have forgiven my husband for cheating , however at that point I lost total interest in an intimate relationship . I look at him now, and think why did I put up with him all those years. I am so angry at the past, because hes gotten no help for his drinking I feel like I am living on an edge. Perhaps this has to due with him getting his licence back in November. He says he will not repeat his old habits , however his latest stunt this weekend proves he is still the same person inside.

biminiblue

You are not going to figure him out. Things that helped me were to focus on me, not trying to figure out someone else's thinking.

Why do you feel you need this abuse in your life? What do you want? Do you want peace, serenity? What does that look like in terms of your relationships with these two addicts? How can you practice self-care regardless of what they do?