breaking point----I've hit it.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Broke Hoover mode today because I called him out on the porn.
He was kind at first, " I'm sorry, your right. I will stop"
Me: That's what you said last time
Him: Silence
Me: It just really brings to home your feelings about the worth of women and your view on sex. ( I was very calm and had a low tone of voice)
He rolls over and says goodnight.
I wake up this morning to find him not in bed. Wow! Normally he'll pitch a fit until I move to the couch. But, there he was, on the couch.
Then he went off on me because I texted his boss the other day to say thanks for a job he did for us. He accused me of trying to sleep with his boss. Then he said the idea that porn is infidelity is absurd.
THEN he went on to say that he hasn't been asking me where I'm at or who I'm with lately so I should kindly mind my own ******* business. And oh yeah, that he found some triple x invite in my email... Which was in my SPAM folder.
He said maybe if I started caring, our relationship would be better.
Oh and he said, have a good day, enjoy the xanax.
I didn't get a word in edgewise and I'm DYING to text some nasty crap. But I won't. I did tell him flat out that I want a divorce........
Wonder if he'll bring booze home tonight.
He was kind at first, " I'm sorry, your right. I will stop"
Me: That's what you said last time
Him: Silence
Me: It just really brings to home your feelings about the worth of women and your view on sex. ( I was very calm and had a low tone of voice)
He rolls over and says goodnight.
I wake up this morning to find him not in bed. Wow! Normally he'll pitch a fit until I move to the couch. But, there he was, on the couch.
Then he went off on me because I texted his boss the other day to say thanks for a job he did for us. He accused me of trying to sleep with his boss. Then he said the idea that porn is infidelity is absurd.
THEN he went on to say that he hasn't been asking me where I'm at or who I'm with lately so I should kindly mind my own ******* business. And oh yeah, that he found some triple x invite in my email... Which was in my SPAM folder.
He said maybe if I started caring, our relationship would be better.
Oh and he said, have a good day, enjoy the xanax.
I didn't get a word in edgewise and I'm DYING to text some nasty crap. But I won't. I did tell him flat out that I want a divorce........
Wonder if he'll bring booze home tonight.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Oh (((Free))) and so it begins... the beginning of the end. He probably will bring booze home. PLEASE stay safe! This board of people who actually care about and LOVE you are SO WORRIED!!!! Please check in with us. And good for you to just keep to yourself and not engage. Stay STRONG!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Yes, this could really escalate.
Maybe you can get him to move out sooner?
If he does bring home booze, don't mess around w/ getting out or calling cops
if you've asked for divorce, he will think he has nothing to "lose"
Not a good scenario free. . .
Maybe you can get him to move out sooner?
If he does bring home booze, don't mess around w/ getting out or calling cops
if you've asked for divorce, he will think he has nothing to "lose"
Not a good scenario free. . .
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
When you are dealing with an abuser, and you are aware of it, do not call him out on anything. Do not text any nasty crap or anything. You cannot control his alcoholism, and there is absolutely no way you can control abuse. He abuses when he sees you are getting wings and strength (or when he thinks you are getting more independent). What you can do is play the play pretense game and get smoke into his face while you are getting yourself out of the relationship.
Stay safe!
Stay safe!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Yes, I did send a text apologizing..... Maybe back track a bit. He'll take the bait because..... Well because I know him and his abusiveness well enough to know he'll take the bait.
Ahhhhh! F this dude! Seriously.
I will be extra careful tonight, I promise.
Ahhhhh! F this dude! Seriously.
I will be extra careful tonight, I promise.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
free......I really do understand you anger and the desire to get fin his face.....but I underline what healthyagain said in her post.
Stick with your plan and keep it "sucked in". Even if you did use a low-toned voice.....he still hears the words! He can "sense" when you are pulling away and becoming more independent....more out of his CONTROL.
You seem very confident that you can "read" him....and, that you know him well.
Yes, you may......to a certain extent......but, even so....you can't ever predict an abuser exactly. Even less so, if they are intoxicated. Remember that the alcohol removes the ability of the frontal lobe to make good decisions and to squelch impulsivity! He is bigger than you and stronger than you. Just don't put your luck to the test. You have too much to lose....and you can lose it in a few seconds! Just because he hasn't fatally harmed you yet, doesn't mean that he won't.
Sorry, if I sound like I an "lecturing" you.....(I am).....but, some of these points may need to be repeated to keep them always fresh in the front of one's mind.
dandylion
Stick with your plan and keep it "sucked in". Even if you did use a low-toned voice.....he still hears the words! He can "sense" when you are pulling away and becoming more independent....more out of his CONTROL.
You seem very confident that you can "read" him....and, that you know him well.
Yes, you may......to a certain extent......but, even so....you can't ever predict an abuser exactly. Even less so, if they are intoxicated. Remember that the alcohol removes the ability of the frontal lobe to make good decisions and to squelch impulsivity! He is bigger than you and stronger than you. Just don't put your luck to the test. You have too much to lose....and you can lose it in a few seconds! Just because he hasn't fatally harmed you yet, doesn't mean that he won't.
Sorry, if I sound like I an "lecturing" you.....(I am).....but, some of these points may need to be repeated to keep them always fresh in the front of one's mind.
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
((((Free)))))
Kickin a$$ on your math test while you're dealing with all of this... You are amazing!
SO much of what you posted I could have written myself... right down to the $100 weekly weed and the porn
Yuck.
You deserve SOOO much better!
You got this Girl! Stay safe and stay strong.
Kickin a$$ on your math test while you're dealing with all of this... You are amazing!
SO much of what you posted I could have written myself... right down to the $100 weekly weed and the porn
Yuck.You deserve SOOO much better!
You got this Girl! Stay safe and stay strong.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Free....he has been abusive to you for a long time, please, please stay safe. I agree, that you are able to be in school and rock out such good grades is AMAZING!!! You are in the eye of a storm my friend, and holding your own.
Does he drive your kids? If so, be super careful of the weed, and do expect him to start drinking.
Sending many hugs to you!!!!
Does he drive your kids? If so, be super careful of the weed, and do expect him to start drinking.
Sending many hugs to you!!!!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
He "accepted my apologies" and agrees that porn is hurting his image of women. Now he loves me again.
Thank God for my ability to see that all this is MY fault and not his.... Ugh
I'm hurt but I'm playing the game until after surgery. I have to. I know some of you want him out like yesterday, but it just isn't possible. I need to watch my mouth and keep the peace. I DO have a big mouth.... So if this is going to work, I need to keep a lid on it... No matter how much it hurts.
Thank God for my ability to see that all this is MY fault and not his.... Ugh
I'm hurt but I'm playing the game until after surgery. I have to. I know some of you want him out like yesterday, but it just isn't possible. I need to watch my mouth and keep the peace. I DO have a big mouth.... So if this is going to work, I need to keep a lid on it... No matter how much it hurts.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
free,
I sent you a PM with 3 forums listed in it.
I also must say that with your medical condition, you do need to "keep a lid on it" for now. And yes, I am one of those who wanted you out yesterday, or last year.
Stay safe, and keep in touch.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy
I sent you a PM with 3 forums listed in it.
I also must say that with your medical condition, you do need to "keep a lid on it" for now. And yes, I am one of those who wanted you out yesterday, or last year.
Stay safe, and keep in touch.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Thinking of you, and just want you to know that we are always here for you. You are part of our family. Hopefully you will check in with us tomorrow before surgery or Thursday after surgery. Just wanted you to know, I'm here for you.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
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