Female alcoholics conning friends for money; Common?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
I don't know that it is gender specific, or alcohol related. However, I can say looking back on it now, my ex had money problems when we met, and had money problems when we left and I spent a lot more money in my life in her dramas than at any other time in my life. She made good money when she was working, yet she was always broke and needing help.
I think it was more a flaw in character and poor money management skills than it was being an alcoholic, but they will con you out of anything they need to, in order to feed the addiction.
I think it was more a flaw in character and poor money management skills than it was being an alcoholic, but they will con you out of anything they need to, in order to feed the addiction.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 665
Hi Steve
I would say us alkies, male and female, will con money out of anyone willing to enable us to carry on drinking when we have no money of our own. Best way is always to say no. Let us learn to grow up and feel the discomfort of having no money and hopefully it leading us to quit.
I quit and I stopped enabling my A hub and he eventually quit too.
I would say us alkies, male and female, will con money out of anyone willing to enable us to carry on drinking when we have no money of our own. Best way is always to say no. Let us learn to grow up and feel the discomfort of having no money and hopefully it leading us to quit.
I quit and I stopped enabling my A hub and he eventually quit too.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
Originally Posted by steve11694 
An accountant no less.
Oh yeah...and that somehow was all my fault.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Now that I look at my husband's behavior, it is almost like a frog hopping from one lotus leaf to another (where the leaves are enablers/codependents). As soon as I stopped enabling (and this includes providing money), I became the biggest b that ever b-ed. Before me, there was him mom, before his mom, there were his friends (he has no contact with even one old friend person, yet he calls them "friends"). Now he has some Facebook friends whom he never met, yet he behaves as if he knows them really really well. And I see the pattern, because he met me online as well, and it was easier for him to create this persona, how he sees himself, not what he really is.
There is always someone he clings to.
And his money management skills are a disaster. Yet he says how he does not like banks, or debit cards, or credit cards, how he is not materialistic, and does not even need money. Yeah, sour grapes. Cannot make wine.
There is always someone he clings to.
And his money management skills are a disaster. Yet he says how he does not like banks, or debit cards, or credit cards, how he is not materialistic, and does not even need money. Yeah, sour grapes. Cannot make wine.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
steve....in my experience, there are two types of alcoholics who will
con people for money....male and female.
People who feel desperate (for whatever their reason) will do desperate things.
That sounds a bit blunt and dry, I know....but, I do think it boils down to just that.
dandylion
con people for money....male and female.
People who feel desperate (for whatever their reason) will do desperate things.
That sounds a bit blunt and dry, I know....but, I do think it boils down to just that.
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
The two alcoholics in my life are (were) my mother and my ex-boyfriend. My mother is fanatical about money, tracking it, having it, investing it, making sure she is never without more than enough of it. My ex is terrible with money, will do whatever he has to do to get it, can't hang on to it for more than a few hours, never has it when he really needs it but can always afford pot and booze, and laughed in my face when I talked to him about budgeting.
I'm not sure if there are strict correlations between financial sensibility, gender, and addiction.
I'm not sure if there are strict correlations between financial sensibility, gender, and addiction.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
Posts: 1,136
Alcoholism can prevent people from planning ahead, takes the lid off of self control, and creates a priority for drinking above everything else. Recipe for poor money choices and a high potential for being perpetually broke.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
I remember all the stories about how it was her ex that was irresponsible and all the debt was joint and she got screwed at the divorce proceedings. I took those stories as the truth. Been there done that. However I dig myself out of these.
She would just put her head in the sand, use my good credit to accumulate stability, through living with me and jointly enjoying what I could get.
What crushed her was the choices she continued to make on her own accord.
When we met she was on the verge of bankruptcy from her "bad divorce". When we split, she was on the verge of bankruptcy. She made 125K when we met. Lost 2 jobs while we were together (both due to drinking) and made 85K when we split. Yet she owned nothing and had debt collectors hounding her. Couldn't hold title to anything of value as the creditors would come seize them.
Alcohol just allowed her to drink away her judgment.
Man I don't miss ANY OF THIS!!!!!
And P.S. her prior ex is now doing well financially and living a good life.
Hmmmmm. What is the common theme here?
She would just put her head in the sand, use my good credit to accumulate stability, through living with me and jointly enjoying what I could get.
What crushed her was the choices she continued to make on her own accord.
When we met she was on the verge of bankruptcy from her "bad divorce". When we split, she was on the verge of bankruptcy. She made 125K when we met. Lost 2 jobs while we were together (both due to drinking) and made 85K when we split. Yet she owned nothing and had debt collectors hounding her. Couldn't hold title to anything of value as the creditors would come seize them.
Alcohol just allowed her to drink away her judgment.
Man I don't miss ANY OF THIS!!!!!
And P.S. her prior ex is now doing well financially and living a good life.
Hmmmmm. What is the common theme here?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
My separated AH was/is great at it, yeah.
I would usually say yes, because if I said no, he would make things difficult... get angry, etc., or just mope around... so it was easier to give in.
When I finally started saying no, he started getting more sneaky, and taking my money and credit cards without my knowledge... so I had to start hiding EVERYTHING. Which is a lot of work.
He also talked his boss into giving him advances on his paycheck several times.
They do what they have to do to get their booze!
I would usually say yes, because if I said no, he would make things difficult... get angry, etc., or just mope around... so it was easier to give in.
When I finally started saying no, he started getting more sneaky, and taking my money and credit cards without my knowledge... so I had to start hiding EVERYTHING. Which is a lot of work.
He also talked his boss into giving him advances on his paycheck several times.
They do what they have to do to get their booze!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
I can't say mine was ever a con. But a lack of ethics certainly.
Example. For her to get a cell phone account, because of her bad credit, they wanted like $600 deposit to start service for her and her daughter. So I can just add you to my account, and you just pay the monthly bill that is your part. Of course the phones gets paid for monthly as part of that bill. They tell you this, she forgets that part.
So then work assigns her a cell phone. (That was a lie but follow the logic here).
Great now I don't need that one. So I'll just stop paying and you can cancel it.
Wait, you still owe $650 for the phones that you activated.
I'm not paying that. That is is outrageous!
No its what you signed up for. *Actually what I signed up for to assist her. That becomes key to the outcome. Trust me they know this when we do it for them*
Well I'm not paying $650 to STOP getting service.
OK so just keep paying on it like you have been doing every month.
Well I don't need to, I have a work phone now.
The reality was, she was carrying on an affair with a drinking buddy from rehab and needed a phone I couldn't monitor the activity on. So she gets a WalMart phone for cheap and thinks she just walk from the other one.
So as we split up, she now wants the car that she couldn't title because the creditors will seize it. I said you want the title to the car you have been hiding from creditors, pay for the phones you wanted so I don't get screwed. Or I will sell a car that is titled in my name to cover it and keep the rest. And there is nothing illegal taking place here. Its legally my car to sell.
This became me being the problem in her life now. And as you can imagine, I was called every name in the book. I thought I would need to call the cops on that one.
And welcome to alcoholism.
Example. For her to get a cell phone account, because of her bad credit, they wanted like $600 deposit to start service for her and her daughter. So I can just add you to my account, and you just pay the monthly bill that is your part. Of course the phones gets paid for monthly as part of that bill. They tell you this, she forgets that part.
So then work assigns her a cell phone. (That was a lie but follow the logic here).
Great now I don't need that one. So I'll just stop paying and you can cancel it.
Wait, you still owe $650 for the phones that you activated.
I'm not paying that. That is is outrageous!
No its what you signed up for. *Actually what I signed up for to assist her. That becomes key to the outcome. Trust me they know this when we do it for them*
Well I'm not paying $650 to STOP getting service.
OK so just keep paying on it like you have been doing every month.
Well I don't need to, I have a work phone now.
The reality was, she was carrying on an affair with a drinking buddy from rehab and needed a phone I couldn't monitor the activity on. So she gets a WalMart phone for cheap and thinks she just walk from the other one.
So as we split up, she now wants the car that she couldn't title because the creditors will seize it. I said you want the title to the car you have been hiding from creditors, pay for the phones you wanted so I don't get screwed. Or I will sell a car that is titled in my name to cover it and keep the rest. And there is nothing illegal taking place here. Its legally my car to sell.
This became me being the problem in her life now. And as you can imagine, I was called every name in the book. I thought I would need to call the cops on that one.
And welcome to alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
My XABF maxed out a $6,000 credit card that was in my name in about three months ... before I really had time to realize how much he was spending.
His major purchase was a Rolex, which he later sold for more money.
I think he maybe paid $500 of the debt, and left me with the rest.
Big lesson learned there...
We want to help, and we want to believe the people we love won't leave us hanging like that, but unfortunately with the A's in our lives, it just doesn't work that way.
His major purchase was a Rolex, which he later sold for more money.
I think he maybe paid $500 of the debt, and left me with the rest.
Big lesson learned there...
We want to help, and we want to believe the people we love won't leave us hanging like that, but unfortunately with the A's in our lives, it just doesn't work that way.
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