My alcoholic mom tried to commit suicide
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My alcoholic mom tried to commit suicide
I am wondering has anyone had to deal with a parent/ close family member dealing with alcoholism attempt suicide? A little back drop, my mom was an alcoholic for 10 years, sober for 20 years and relapsed 2 years ago. For the past year I have received calls from random people telling me she collapsed in stores, she doesn't come home when she drinks and usually ends up in the hospital every 2 weeks. My brother has had a drinking and drug problem as well but he is getting better and my parents are about to divorce. So with all that said, I go to counseling and I am thinking about going to Al-Anon meetings.
But recently, actually yesterday on my 21st birthday my mom attempted suicide. She called me on birthday telling me if anything happens to her she loves me more than anything in the world. Now hearing today she attempted suicide completely breaks my heart. I live far away from my family because I am going to school. I go to an expensive private university with a majority of privileged students from an upper middle class. So I often feel like most people don't understand my family situation even my best friends. I know even upper middle class are not immune to any of these problems but I feel pretty alone. I am always fearing that I am going to get a phone call telling me my mom has died. I think the world of my mom despite everything she has done and cannot imagine life without her.
Have you experienced something similar? How have you supported your family members during this hard time? I know I cannot do anything from a far away or really close other than love and support them since their decision to stop drinking is up to them. Thank you reading my post.
But recently, actually yesterday on my 21st birthday my mom attempted suicide. She called me on birthday telling me if anything happens to her she loves me more than anything in the world. Now hearing today she attempted suicide completely breaks my heart. I live far away from my family because I am going to school. I go to an expensive private university with a majority of privileged students from an upper middle class. So I often feel like most people don't understand my family situation even my best friends. I know even upper middle class are not immune to any of these problems but I feel pretty alone. I am always fearing that I am going to get a phone call telling me my mom has died. I think the world of my mom despite everything she has done and cannot imagine life without her.
Have you experienced something similar? How have you supported your family members during this hard time? I know I cannot do anything from a far away or really close other than love and support them since their decision to stop drinking is up to them. Thank you reading my post.
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My mother threatened suicide, and then disappeared. She never followed through, but it was a tough time. She turned back up and was in good health but she was an unstable person in a lot of ways, and she also drank.
I'm so sorry for your pain, cheeseitlover. Can you find a school counselor to talk this through? You need some of your own support in your own town. A church or Al Anon meeting would be some other ideas.
Your mother's choices are going to cause lasting pain for you and the entire family. Just know that you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. She has to make her own decision to drink or not, to live or not.
I'm so sorry for your pain, cheeseitlover. Can you find a school counselor to talk this through? You need some of your own support in your own town. A church or Al Anon meeting would be some other ideas.
Your mother's choices are going to cause lasting pain for you and the entire family. Just know that you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. She has to make her own decision to drink or not, to live or not.
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Cheeseit, I'm glad you found us but so very sorry for what brings you here. It must be devastating seeing your Mom in such an unhappy place. I come from what I guess might be called an upper middle class background, and my parents are both alcoholics. Looking back, I realize that many of the parents in my neighborhood were also alcoholics. So you're right, no one is immune to alcoholism. But I do think maybe there is more pressure when family is trying to cultivate a successful image to hide what goes on at home. And definitely with young people, there is so much emphasis on image! If you went to an Al-Anon group in the neighborhood of the university, I bet you would realize that you aren't the only student with these problems.
For me, the hardest part of having alcoholic parents was accepting that there was nothing I could have done to save them from their choices. (My parents have both passed away from health consequences of their alcoholism.) My mother, especially, had a way of making me feel guilty and responsible for her, even when she was playing a kind of self-sacrificing martyr role, which she often did. And that has led to problems for me as an adult. I still have a tendency to take on other people's problems at my own and feel responsible for keeping other people happy, which has led me to isolate from other people as well. Anyway, I share all this because adult children of alcoholics often have similar struggles. I want to encourage you to believe that taking good care of yourself is the best thing you can do for both you and your mother. It would be a tragedy if her disease derailed your studies or prevented you from living a full life. It's sad enough that it is causing her such problems. Hugs to you!
For me, the hardest part of having alcoholic parents was accepting that there was nothing I could have done to save them from their choices. (My parents have both passed away from health consequences of their alcoholism.) My mother, especially, had a way of making me feel guilty and responsible for her, even when she was playing a kind of self-sacrificing martyr role, which she often did. And that has led to problems for me as an adult. I still have a tendency to take on other people's problems at my own and feel responsible for keeping other people happy, which has led me to isolate from other people as well. Anyway, I share all this because adult children of alcoholics often have similar struggles. I want to encourage you to believe that taking good care of yourself is the best thing you can do for both you and your mother. It would be a tragedy if her disease derailed your studies or prevented you from living a full life. It's sad enough that it is causing her such problems. Hugs to you!
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Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. These should be your happiest years, not so full of stress. One thing I will say is that alcoholism knows no social boundaries. I am betting there are many more of your classmates dealing with family alcoholism than you realize.
For your own peace, I would tell your mom just what you told us. That you love her and think the world of her no matter what her issue may be.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Keep coming back, you are not alone.
For your own peace, I would tell your mom just what you told us. That you love her and think the world of her no matter what her issue may be.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Keep coming back, you are not alone.
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I'm so sorry, Cheeseit. My dad tried to commit suicide twice. He's not an alcoholic. The first time, my youngest brother came home from college unexpectedly and found him. The second time, Dad was in the city where I was living. Either way it was hard: being 2,000 miles away and unable to help him or my brother or being right there and unable to help stop his pain.
Suicide isn't a choice. Not really. It's an attempt to escape pain when that suffering is greater than the person's ability to cope with it. I didn't understand that when dad made his attempts. I had an inkling, because I could *see* he was in a lot of (emotional) pain. I understand it much better than I wish I did now. I came close to ending my own life years after going through this with Dad. I wanted some way, ANY way, to make the pain STOP. I didn't really want to die, but I wanted my suffering to end. And I understand now, that's what Dad wanted, also.
I think it's really important to talk with her. It's not going to be easy, but it's so important to let her know that she's not alone and there are resources available to help her, both with the suicidal ideation and drinking. The book, When Someone You Love is Depressed: How to Help Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself is a good resource for you, and coming here to SR and Al Anon are a great support systems for dealing with the effects of her drinking.
Suicide isn't a choice. Not really. It's an attempt to escape pain when that suffering is greater than the person's ability to cope with it. I didn't understand that when dad made his attempts. I had an inkling, because I could *see* he was in a lot of (emotional) pain. I understand it much better than I wish I did now. I came close to ending my own life years after going through this with Dad. I wanted some way, ANY way, to make the pain STOP. I didn't really want to die, but I wanted my suffering to end. And I understand now, that's what Dad wanted, also.
I think it's really important to talk with her. It's not going to be easy, but it's so important to let her know that she's not alone and there are resources available to help her, both with the suicidal ideation and drinking. The book, When Someone You Love is Depressed: How to Help Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself is a good resource for you, and coming here to SR and Al Anon are a great support systems for dealing with the effects of her drinking.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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I am so sorry for your hurt and pain. I have not dealt with a suicidal parent but my mother is an alcoholic and it often feels like she is slowly committing suicide every day. My parents are actually pretty wealthy, so I agree with everyone here, that probably more of your friends and classmates can relate to you than you would think. It is such a helpless feeling to watch someone we love slowly self-destruct. I completely understand. Again, I am sorry for what brought you here, but I hope you find comfort in these responses.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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I'm sorry to hear what you are going through.
Please don't assume that the people that surround will not understand what you are going through. It does not matter what " class" you are in, the problems are still the same. Just a different flavor.
Try sharing, I bet you'd be surprised.
Please don't assume that the people that surround will not understand what you are going through. It does not matter what " class" you are in, the problems are still the same. Just a different flavor.
Try sharing, I bet you'd be surprised.
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Hi biminiblue,
It definitely takes a toll on a family. And yes, I am currently seeing a counselor right now but all this happened and my counselor is unavailable for a week. Church is good idea, I have been wanting to get back to going to church. Thank you for your wisdom. It is hard just being on the side lines but I totally agree, I can’t cure it or decide for her. Thanks again.
It definitely takes a toll on a family. And yes, I am currently seeing a counselor right now but all this happened and my counselor is unavailable for a week. Church is good idea, I have been wanting to get back to going to church. Thank you for your wisdom. It is hard just being on the side lines but I totally agree, I can’t cure it or decide for her. Thanks again.
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Hi jjj111,
That all makes sense. I am sure there is more students than I realize that are struggling with some of the same issues. My school is like families and students try to portray the perfect family image so you never really know. I guess that is the same with me since I don’t share with anyone except my close friends.
Thank you for your great words of advice.. I am going to keep focusing on my studies. Me doing bad in school will not help with the situation. Thanks again : )
That all makes sense. I am sure there is more students than I realize that are struggling with some of the same issues. My school is like families and students try to portray the perfect family image so you never really know. I guess that is the same with me since I don’t share with anyone except my close friends.
Thank you for your great words of advice.. I am going to keep focusing on my studies. Me doing bad in school will not help with the situation. Thanks again : )
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Thank you hopeful4. I finally got a hold of her since she lost her phone. I told her how much I loved her. Thanks again hopeful4.
Hi the uncertainty,
I am sorry for all the pain you have endured. Thank you for sharing your story. Makes me feel not so alone and that someone understands…And what you said all makes sense. My brother attempted suicide 3 years ago too. I just love them both so much and hurts my heart knowing they are in so much pain. I can’t imagine what she is going through right now.
I have spoken with her briefly and told her how much I loved her, and talked about what happened.
I will have to check out that book. Thank again. I appreciate it.
HI double dragons, I am very thankful for all the kinds words and encouragement here. I agree, it is hard watching someone you love self-destruct. Most of all, I hate seeing someone I think the world of in so much pain.
Hi the uncertainty,
I am sorry for all the pain you have endured. Thank you for sharing your story. Makes me feel not so alone and that someone understands…And what you said all makes sense. My brother attempted suicide 3 years ago too. I just love them both so much and hurts my heart knowing they are in so much pain. I can’t imagine what she is going through right now.
I have spoken with her briefly and told her how much I loved her, and talked about what happened.
I will have to check out that book. Thank again. I appreciate it.
HI double dragons, I am very thankful for all the kinds words and encouragement here. I agree, it is hard watching someone you love self-destruct. Most of all, I hate seeing someone I think the world of in so much pain.
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