hexx

My stbxah has been offered his first plead deal. 5 yrs in with 3 yrs probation. From what I understand he is going to hold out for a better offer or take it to trial. If he loses at trial the prosecutor is seeking to have the sentences to run consecutive which would be 20 years in with probation afterwards. Since it is not his first go around with this they are looking for the max sentences on everything.

The kids and I have to give our statements in November to his public defender.

Would it be horrible of me to wish he does get 20 ? I would settle for 5 if that is all I can get, but more would be nice.

I am obviously not feeling very forgiving tonight.

Katchie

I just read all of your past posts. I am so sorry for all that you and the kids have been through. No, dont feel guilty for wishing he gets all 20 years. don't feel guilty for feeling what you feel. He has done awful things that there are no excuses for. I pray for your healing and that of your kids. You're a strong woman who is getting stronger everyday!

FeelingGreat

Gee the deal sounds good compared to the alternative Hexx but at least he's out of your life for an extended period either way. Luckily you don't have a say in it, so all you can do is make your statements and see what happens.
You and the children seem to be thriving with him gone. Are they seeing counsellors so they can process the trauma and fear?

redatlanta

5 years seems low to me. I think 20 appropriate, and I hope that's what he gets. Don't feel bad, everything that happens to him whether 5 years or 20 he brought on himself for his atrocious actions. Made his bed now he can lie it. For many years I hope.

happybeingme

I hope he goes for a trial and they lock him up forever. I know this is so hard on all of you but you have been so brave. Just a little longer. Keep posting. We care. You aren't alone.

HHTexas

Just read your other post. Huge hugs to you. You are AMAZING and STRONG. Praying for healing for your sweet family.

hexx

Thank you everyone. Everybody on here has been so great and supportive. And yes, the kids are in therapy (I'm working on getting myself in once I get my insurance straightened out).

From what I understand, he is not taking the plea deal. I'm just scared that he is going to take it to trial and it will be a "he said, she said" issue (despite the photos of my bruises). My DD is only 7, she didn't see much but I don't know how much weight her testimony is going to carry. My DS didn't see anything, and only heard bits and pieces. I mean, I have the restraining order and he is obviously in there and they are going after the max sentence...sigh...Im just a mess of emotions right now. I know how charming and conning (is that even a word) he can be, what if they believe his story more than mine? He has already lied in court once, I am sure he will do it again.

I will be ok , I think I just need sleep tonight.

hexx

And yes, 5 years does seem low to me as well. However, since each felony's max sentence is 5 years it seems like maybe they are putting all the charges together to run consecutive (minus the time for the misdemeanors). He seems to think that since he is saying no to that one that they will come back with a better one more in his favor.

Thomas45

I don't blame you. Between the domestic violence, subjecting his children to witnessing domestic abuse, manipulating his daughter, trying to manipulate you over the phone, and failing to take responsibility for his actions (5 years is a pretty lenient plea bargain in my opinion, and is a sweetheart chance for him to show some genuine remorse and take ownership of his wrongdoing), I'd be of the opinion that he deserves a lot worse.

redatlanta

Unless your husband has 250- 500k to hire the best Attorney inclusive of criminal defense investigators, reconstructionists, etc. I wouldn't worry about it too much. There are plenty of charismatic dummies out there that have been offered a plea deal they wish they would have taken when they end up with a much longer sentence. Considering what he did I would jump on 5 years.

hexx

redatlanta--yea, he doesn't have a dime to his name. He hasn't work in 3 years (stay at home dad) so I have been the one taking care of everything so he has a public defender (btw-I adore your icon picture).

Thomas45-I agree. He thinks if he holds out he will get a better deal (it's not like he is negotiating for a new car.) The manipulation got a whole lot worse last night when he was talking to out daughter. I am pagan and he "was" agnostic. We agreed that our DD would be able to find her own path religion wise. Well, now that he is in jail he has "found God" (I put all this in quotes because I know it is a temporary thing and he hasn't actually suddenly decided he is Christian). So, last night he asked our DD to pray with him. He had her go to the window and he lead a "prayer" asking God to bring her daddy home and make mom and dad happy again. I about flipped my biscuits on that one. Talk about manipulative BS! He also said that his PD knows that kids can be used against incarcerated parents and are often coached by the other parent on what to say and that she is really good at tripping kids up to see if they are telling the truth. As a parent, why would you be ok with that?!?! How could you be ok with knowing that your 7 year old may end up being confused into saying something that isn't true or can be misinterpreted as something else.

And I thought he was just an jerk when he was drunk, I guess his true colors are really starting to show.

FeelingGreat

I'm sure this will backfire Hexx. He sounds too smart for his own good. In some ways that helps you because it makes him look arrogant.

PS the tricky PD thing is probably part of the delusion.

hexx

FeelingGreat- you hit the nail on the head. He really does think that he is Mr. TooCleverForYou. And he is delusional. Never in his life has he had to actually face consequences for his actions. Ever. He is under the impression that he will still get 50/50 custody (which is something that is actually in the current restraining order which was created when he only had 2 felony charges). Now that he has the child abuse charge, and the additonal felony charges, I don't think that is going to happen. He keeps talking about how our daughter will stay with him one week and me one week while he is at the halfway house once he gets out of jail. He says he has already talked to someone from there who is in jail right now as well and he was told that they have kids stay there all the time with their parents. Ummm....no you crazy man, that is not happening.

jjj111

Hexx, I'm so sorry for what you've been through. This all sounds so stressful, and listening to his delusional thinking just seems like it's adding insult to injury. Is it possible to cut off contact with him? Or if you have to speak to him because of your child, could you cut it down to the bare minimum? Just a thought, it would be nice if you could free yourself from some of this!

Kboys

(((Hexx)))
I don't think it's horrible at all to hope for 20 years and I don't blame you one bit.
You are so strong!
Hugs to you and your kiddos.

wanttobehealthy

Can you possibly speak to the Prosecutors office and relay that your daughter is being manipulated by him and that he's discussing the case with her?

That seems to be a bail violation quite honestly...

Perhaps it would be better for your daughter to not have those regular calls. It sounds disruptive and upsetting and Im so sorry for all you and your kids have had to endure....

HopefulinFLA

I'm hoping they lock the animal up for ever! I'll be praying for you and your kids Hexx.

hopeful4

You don't have to feel bad about your feelings at all, in your shoes I would feel the same.

XXX

hexx

Thank you again everyone! I feel so supported here! I can't believe it has only been 3 months since everything happened, it feels like so much longer.

I am calling the State's Attrny's office tomorrow to see what I can do about the phone calls. It may mean that I need to re-do the restraining order (I originally asked for 0 contact for all involved and I think I need to go back and push for it.)

firebolt

There she is!