The Language of Letting Go, September 19
 

SEPTEMBER 19

You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."

Apologies

Sometimes we act in a manner with which we are less than comfortable. That's human. That's why we have the words: "I'm sorry." They heal and bridge the gap. But we don't have to say, "I'm sorry" if we didn't do anything wrong. A sense of shame can keep us apologizing for everything we do, every word we say, for being alive and being who we are.

We don't have to apologize for taking care of ourselves, dealing with feelings, seeking boundaries, having fun, or getting healthy.

We never have to change our course if it is in our best interest, but sometimes a general apology acknowledges other feelings and can be useful when the issues of a circumstance or relationship are not clear. We might say: "I'm sorry for the fuss we had. I'm sorry if what I needed to do to take care of myself hurt you; it was not intended that way."

Once we make an apology, we don't have to keep repeating it. If someone wants to keep on extricating an apology from us for the same incident, that is the person's issue, and we don't have to get hooked.

We can learn to take our apologies seriously and not hand them out when they're not valid. When we feel good about ourselves, we know when it's time to say we're sorry and when it's not.

Today, I will try to be clear and healthy in my apologies, taking responsibility for my actions and nobody else's. Higher Power, help me figure out what I need to apologize for and what is not my responsibility.

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Thank you Honey

Another timely post, thank you!

Amen .. Great one honeypig - so true . Say it & move on :)

Another thank you from me too

I say "I'm sorry" way too much!
Last week I decided to stop doing that. So far, I have caught myself a couple of times about to begin my sentences with 'I'm sorry...' and decided to take a different approach. Someone on SR had said they did that and over time, it proved to be very beneficial! On the other hand, empathy will always be a trait of mine, so I am looking for new words and phrases to show my care for others without saying 'I'm sorry....'

Thank you for your inspiration in my daily struggles.

Love this. I am glad my professional life is mostly conducted through email. Since landing in SR, I can't tell you how many times a day I delete the words "i'm sorry, but" from the beginning of an email I am drafting. Don't know when or why I started apologizing for everyone and everything in life.

firebolt, I developed similar habits too and am working to banish them now! I often find myself saying "I'm sorry" in emails when there is really no need to do so--and sometimes I find myself using it in a kind of passive/aggressive way, where I'm really not in the least sorry but I'm using it to excuse the rude or otherwise crappy thing I'm going to say! You know, if I really feel I have to apologize for what I'm about to say, maybe it would be best for me to step back and review whether that thing needs to be said at all...

I worked briefly in the bakery at a grocery store, and quarters were tight w/a lot of traffic. I found myself constantly saying "sorry" to people as I crossed their path, moved over to get something, etc. The older man who was training me to bake said at one point "you know, you don't need to apologize all the time--you have as much right to be here and working as anyone else does!" I forgot about that until just now...guess he had a point, but it didn't really sink in at the time.

I used to do this too, someone pointed it out to me. I said, "I'm sorry," way too much.

The other day I was going to a thrift store that happens to be right next door to an Alano Club (AA). As I walked toward the door of the thrift store a beautiful 20 something girl with a cup of coffee was walking toward me on the sidewalk. We had to switch sides to go into our doors, and she said, "I'm sorry," twice - just for walking on the sidewalk and entering an AA meeting. It was so sad, I wanted to hug her.

I didn't. That's what AA is for :wink3: