Why am I so judgemental?

Old 09-21-2015, 02:11 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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but sometimes there is not a grey area, (for me ) so then what ? I/ we are supposed to just accept someone else view/ opinion/reason /action, as the "norm" and smile and embrace the situation?

I can't do that.

Maybe I need to learn to cut people off when they start telling me of situations that I just can't be objective with. Or have a strong opinion about. that very well may be what needs to happen, when I hear certain words, stop them in their tracks and say I am not the one to be discussing this with. the end.
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Old 09-21-2015, 03:12 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Thank you all so much for all the replies -- I have been thinking about this a LOT!

So grateful for this site and you all!
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Old 09-22-2015, 07:58 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I have also been thinking about this a lot.

Yesterday on a great drive to see an old friend another small piece clicked into place for me.

Part of what I get confused about with this stuff is similar to when I make "You" statements (which are often shaming or blaming), compared to "I" statements which is usually about how I feel about a situation. The I statement is valid because they are my feelings and just reframing it tends to make it my opinion instead of my judgement.

Again thanks for this thread.
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Old 09-29-2015, 05:27 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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My poor therapist.

I only spent a small bit of time on this last week (see the rest in readerbaby71's post) but my therapist helped me to clarify that if I take responsibility for my feelings in an interactions then it can never be a judgement.

I feel x,y,z because of my own hx, crude etc is not a judgement

You make me feel, x,y,z is.

Sometimes I think I feel judgemental BECAUSE I have feelings......
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Old 12-02-2015, 09:30 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Some of the things noted that stand out is there a difference between opinion and a judgement and recognizing red flag behavior/laying down boundaries. Some people and alkies/addicts consider non opinions or lack of encouragement "judgemental". But their behavior and consequences are theirs to deal with.

I get "you're so judgemental" simply for not agreeing with the alkie/addict. Or "supporting" them(with money for their criminal proceedings/dui) They got mad at me because I wouldn't pay for their lawyer or help with their payment of fines and fees after they complained. Wasn't even a discussion really but if you don't get behind them 100% rah rah you are against them. I've also been berated for showing disgust at a local personality who made the news with a dui hit & run and giving the police a hard time.

Just because one does not advocate or excuse bad behavior should they be considered "judgemental". If you berate or lecture a person that's another story.
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Old 12-02-2015, 07:28 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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This really resonated with me.

I'm the same way. Through therapy, I'm beginning to see that it has a lot to do with, as someone said above, needing to know how I feel about things, knowing what label to put on things or what box something goes in, because that was my defense mechanism growing up with two very critical parents (one being a rageaholic). I had to figure out what "good" was (or in my case, "perfect") so that I could avoid being at the center of harsh criticism or screaming fits.

I totally get that, that it's so hard to let it go because then, how do you know where you stand on something or what you think?

I love the mantra, it's none of my business.
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Old 12-03-2015, 10:06 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Well, I'm debating right now if it's a problem or if my thinking about others' behavior which isn't something that I'm a fan of is me sorting out my own boundaries...
In terms of my own codependency, it's much easier to point the finger at someone else instead of dealing with my own issues. If I'm thinking someone else has problems I'm avoiding my own.
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