dandylion....you are right..it has made me feel left behind, but I am dealing a lot better with that. He has apologized to me more than once for the hurt he caused and wishes he could take it all away.

I talk to him about my feelings. Because he doesn't/can't know how I am feeling because he wasn't the one "being hurt", I get that question mark look on his face. Then I explain the best I can without throwing the past in his face. He ends up understanding and we talk through it. Some of the times I ask him to just bare with me because the hurt is not just going to disappear. It was mostly being left feeling alone. So, now on the sober side of it, I am being left alone due to his program. Which in the beginning I had a VERY hard time dealing with, but now I am doing a lot better. It helps recoverying from the hurt knowing a lot of other people feel/felt the same way I did/do.

I apologize if I offend anyone, but what I am dealing with still is not wanting anyone from AA around me. He had a guy from AA over the other day and helped him fix his truck. Well, I asked my husband not to bring anyone around the house from there. Because he had already made the plans, I asked him to make sure the guy was gone before I got home from work. He wasn't. Took longer than he thought. I was very angry. After the guy left, I asked my husband again not to bring anyone from there to our house, even if I am not there. He can go to their house, whatever. I asked that only his sponsor come to our house (and that is only to pick him up, not come inside) because I don't want everyone he meets to know where we live and just think they can stop by. The way I feel, that is his program, not mine. I will support his recovery with him, not everyone else he meets there. I don't have a lot, if any, trust when it comes to dealing with AA people I don't know and right now I don't have any care to get to know them. Maybe once I get by the hurt I have experienced my attitude will change. But until then, this is a concession I ask him to make. Again, sorry if I offend anyone, that is not my intention.

**I understand he may need his sponsor at some time if he relapses and he will have to come to/into our home, but until then, it is not necessary.

I'm sorry, but I think you're being pretty unreasonable here. It's HIS home, too, and he has the right to invite people over. You could draw the line at meals, maybe, or social activities that would necessarily include you, but telling him he can't have anyone over is unfair and controlling. It isn't that there is one specific person that you have reason to dislike or distrust--you are preventing him from hosting ANY of the people who are now an important part of his life (whether you like it or not).

You don't have to talk to anyone you don't want to talk to (though a pleasant wave or "hello" would be nice), but I don't think you have any right to tell him he can't have anyone from AA over.

All due respect, it is his house too. And it is not up to you to dictate what he does and does not need from his support system in recovery. I think you're setting yourself, and him, up for some disappointment and heartache trying to impose these kinds of rules on him.

Oh, Kim, you gotta get this anger out. It's eating you up. Why are you judging an entire group of people so harshly? Why do you see "them" as the enemy? None of "them" have ever hurt you in any way & "they" have all taken time from their lives to offer a helping hand/ear/shoulder to him when he needs it.

Look, I get the jealousy feeling - I remember going crazy during the 90-in-90 because I could not wrap my mind around such a thing. Because *I* didn't need such a thing, so I condemned it as a tool with a shelf life. I hated that while I had a front row seat to the damage, I wasn't the one hearing him take humble accountability for it. I wasn't the one sitting there registering the change in him when he "got it" from what he learned there.

Do you hear how all those "I's" started to creep into my sentences? All of a sudden HIS recovery was about ME? Hmmmmm.......

What are you doing for YOU Kim? He can't give you the validation you need - even if he says it exactly the way you want it worded, it won't be right. So, where is your healing going to come from? (((((hugs)))))

I'll say this, too, when my first husband got sober 35 years ago, I didn't like all his AA friends, but I was damned grateful that they were there for him when I just couldn't deal with some of the early-sobriety craziness. I could take care of MY own needs, knowing that he had a bunch of people who were willing to help him deal with his. I think you're underestimating what a blessing these people can be for YOUR peace and sanity.