The Language of Letting Go, September 14
 

SEPTEMBER 14

You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."

What's Good for Me?

When we are soul searching, be it for the smaller or larger decisions we face during the day, we can learn to ask, is this good for me? Is this what I really want? Is this what I need? Does this direction feel right for me, or am I succumbing to the control and influence that I sometimes allow others to have over me?

It is not unhealthy selfishness to question if something is good for us. That is an old way of thinking. To ask if something is good for us is a healthy behavior, not to be ashamed of, and will probably work out in the other person's best interests too.

We shall not wander down a selfish path of self-indulgence by asking if a thing is good for us. We shall not stray from Higher Power's intended plan, Higher Power's highest good, by asking if a thing is good for us. By asking ourselves this simple question, we participate in directing our life toward the highest good and purpose; we own our power to hold ourselves in self-esteem.

Today, I will begin acting in my best interests. I will do this with the understanding that, on occasion, my choices will not please everyone around me. I will do this with the understanding that asking if a thing is good for me will ultimately help me take true responsibility for my life and my choices.

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honeypig...

Thank you so much for this post. It reinforces a decision I made a week ago regarding my husband (sober 8 months).

We have been in marriage counseling for close to 6 months. In that time, a lot of issues have been brought to the surface. Many discussions. I, like most others on the forum, found myself stuck in cyclical communications - I would express my anger/hurt (in a calm, non-confrontational way), he would become defensive due to his abandonment issues (subtle control/manipulation, blame), I would reassert myself and back and forth we would go. No moving forward, only more hurt and disappointment. His defensive comments were like poison darts (a term my therapist used). It was accurate. It's difficult to heal under those circumstances.

So, I took a step back, assessed the situation and made a decision. I would break the cycle so that I could heal. I did it for me, not him. It's worked like a charm. I see everything so much more clearly. I have started to heal. And, I have started to tackle everything from a position of strength, knowledge and awareness.

A side note. A surprising twist...my husband has started to become more open and vulnerable. I see more humility. More ownership for his words and actions. It might only last a week, month, or whatever, but I think I might have finally gotten a glimpse of what true recovery might look like.

In the meantime, I continue to sit back, wait to see what unfolds and move forward with caution.