wildflower

I've begun reading Codependant No More and am doing the questions at the back of each chapter. Next week, if the hurrican allows I will go to Al-anon meeting.

In the meantime..I feel as thought I can't say a word to my H b/c I don't want to say the wrong thing, meaning, I don't want to try and control him. Is it normal to feel so uncertain at first.

I asked him this morning something simple and he blew it up and made a rather huge thing out of it. I thought my request was kind and simple. This is so hard because it seems like it's best to completely stay away from him and not interact at all with him.

Anyone else feel this?

smoke gets in my eyes

Absolutely. Not lately. But Dino still from time to time makes like that hurricane you're fleeing. A lot of confusing spinning and blowing. I just try to avoid it until the wind stops... LOL.

Hugs,
Smoke

StandingStrong

I haven't read the book (every library I've checked around here has had it taken out and never returned) but I do know all about avoidance issues.
Early in my recovery, I avoided everything when it came to AH. I needed time to sort through my own inner mess.
Even now, I feel like avoiding him is still better. It tends to cause my own recovery to halt abruptly when we have any type of "issue".
I think it's normal to feel a sense of need to avoid the AH sometimes. For many many reasons.

JT

Yikes...when I started "getting it" I pulled back so far it included taking a night job! Funny thing happened...a day position opened up right around the same time I was feeling strong enough to deal.

Interesting,
JT

wildflower

These ideas help so much! I'll weather the storm, by not getting in the middle of it! I feel so fortunate to have found this site, by accident, no less. My higher power does have a plan.


You all make me feel as though I can do this and someday help someone else.

Lorelai

I'm like JT. When I first started, I had stepped out so far I was practically in another state. As I came to understand things, I started coming back in slowly and with more open eyes.

I think the important to remember is that, if you say something or do something that isn't "right", that's OK. Part of what I've learned is that it is perfectly all right for me to make mistakes. I can do something wrong, and the world won't end. Everyone makes mistakes. We learn as we go.
L

wildflower

Your all right about that..I feel like I've really stepped into the twilight zone.....dee dee dee dee!!

Magichappens

((wildflower))
I have done a lot better by talking to other "anons" when I need to talk. I and my alcoholic speak a different language a lot of times. When those times come, and I need to share my thoughts and feelings, I use the tools. Come here and post, call someone in Al-Anon ( I have a great sponsor), write in my journal. I have had to realize that I can't give him the answer because he hasn't asked the question. When he is ready to hear, it's usually someone else that he is able to hear. For some reason, family is the least able to help.

So I get involved in my own recovery, and share with the people who understand me. It has helped a lot. I trust that he is in his own spiritual learning process, and that if I stay out of it, things will happen the way they are supposed to.

You aren't alone. You have us. And you will have so much more if you keep seeking recovery. Hugs, Magic

Gabe

Spicoli and I rarely spoke the same language either Magic.
And I took detachment to the Outer Limits.
I discovered later that there is a big difference between detachment and avoidance.
Avoidance is easy.
Detachment is a learned blessing.

wildflower

I'm so glad I have you all!! It is making me feel so secure. Thank you!

wildflower

I like that "detachment is a learned blessing".