Bernadette777

Good Morning SR family of Angels,
Today is Sunday and as I'm sitting here saying my prayers in the beautiful sunshine. I'm thankful for everything & praying for all on SR. Now here's the funny part! I quoted that above to ask a question- it seems that a lot of us all hear from the A in their lives at some point... Funny part: - I haven't heard at all from him. What gives?? (Sarcasm section:" am I not good enough to be contacted? Again, what gives??" ) ok, I'd like your thoughts, but I do hope this makes you laugh a little., "am I not worthy to be revisited?" I love the concept of no contact equals no new hurts! That is brilliant! And ever so true!!! Have a blessed & healing day. Love, Bernadette777

LexieCat

I responded to your post on the other thread.

Count yourself fortunate and don't try to analyze it.

AnvilheadII

hon, you've been itching to reach out to HIM lately.....instead of trying to get into HIS head and why HE isn't contacting YOU why not get in your own head and figure out why after all this time YOU want contact.....

what ELSE is going on in your life that may serve as a trigger?

one of the "games" we can play, as addicts and codependents, is the come here, go away, chase me, chase me game. be GRATEFUL you aren't still caught up in that......time to let him go, fully.

Bernadette777

Hi,
I know why, because both of us loved each other until the alcohol & drugs showed themselves through him. Im pissed off ok. I'm pissed that good people like you, me, & all here on SR have had they're lives & hearts spun out off the highway of love due to chemicals- albeit, liquid or synthetic. Also, I work all the time, I don't go for online dating,tried it before I met my ex- hideous experience. I'm not a bar chick, and well, I'm lonely. There- it's out. Lonely & ticked off. Plus, if he got it together according to a pix I saw of him-he looked thinned out & all- then why can't we have a second chance? That's what I'm asking myself. My head is fine, my heart is what hurts. We all feel it from all the readings. I'm angry at the influences of the damn alcoholism disease & drug addiction disease. That's all.

Thomas45

A few things I'm tempted to point out:

Putting your hand back in the same fire that burned you doesn't make it heal faster, or feel better. Why would you want another shot of the craziness? Thinning out / dropping a few pounds / exercising a bit means absolutely nothing as far as addiction is concerned. Just because someone looks different after a year and a half doesn't mean they're a different person. He's been an addict since his teens, he was an addict when he left you (in his late 30's). Even if he isn't drinking, he will be an alcoholic his whole life and statistically speaking, his odds of relapsing are high. Given the choice of going back on the crazy train or being lonely, I can tell you that I wouldn't be riding that train again.

People only put the pictures of themselves that they like on Facebook. Do you really think he'd rather be posting pictures of himself passed out drunk, in a puddle of his own urine? Do you think he's going to be posting pictures of himself during one of his psychotic episodes? Looking at his pictures won't make you feel any better. Either he'll look happier which will upset you because you're not together, or he'll look like his addiction is getting worse which will also upset you because you're still carrying feelings for him.

That all said, he left you a year and a half ago and from what I've read of your posts, has intentionally ignored you ever since. This isn't the kind of guy you want a second chance with, unless you're addicted to misery. Being lonely or not shouldn't factor in to it - once you realized that he was an addict and that his friends are his enablers, you have to face the fact that his lifestyle and decisions will not be a good match for your personal values.

Yes, it's unfair that so many of us here have been hurt the way that we were, but there comes a time when we have to stop fixating on how our ex-partners hurt us, and leave that all behind. He can't hurt you any more unless you bring him back into your life. Only you can hurt yourself by fixating on him.

marie1960

I also remember all the empty , lonely feelings after the break up. I have much empathy for what you are currently struggling with.

Have you considered it may not be HIM you are searching for? It's perfectly understandable to want to return to what is familiar, it's what we know, even if it's not the ideal situation, we still can find those temporary moments of comfort.

Being pissed off is ok, we have all been there, it's part of the healing process.

Is there something that you are willing/ able to do today for yourself to help you get focused on the next chapter of your life?

the hurt from the break up is inevitable, but you certainly do not have to continue to SUFFER. That is something you have the power to change, my friend.

Bernadette777

Hi Marie1960,

I Appreciate your kindness, compassion & empathy, they flew right off the screen and gave me a hug. Yes, I'd love a new love without the drama of addiction from the guy. You're right, familiarity...sometimes you reach out for the old comfortable slippers, even if their worn out & not supportive! (Wow, I'm really hitting the analogy right now) it is a lonely place right now, but I believe God has a much more healthy relationship in the future for me with a wonderful guy. It's just the time of year, a lot of memories...blah, blah, blah. I choose to be happy & free today. He can live his life with his enablers & detrimental habits. I tried, God knows I tried. Thank you my friend for your kindness & understanding. Have a blessed day!

Hawkeye13

You really sound like much too nice and loving a person for this man.

You truly do deserve better, and I hope you learn to love yourself as selflessly as you loved him.

Bernadette777

Hi Hawkeye13,

Thank you for your kind words & supportiveness. I try to be a good woman. When there's a chance to do good, I take it & give back. Thanks, I'm trying. I hope I'm correct in thinking that every day of no contact is a day of healing. Thank you again, God bless you. When the good Lord sends the right man to me, I'll post it capitals, I promise! Group hug my dear friends! Bernie777